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Destiny

Discuss all things Destiny.
Edited by NM Gunslinger: 9/3/2015 1:17:33 AM
148

Leaked TTK Exotics! (Spoof)

MOAR STOOF!!!

956

God damnit, Bungie...

134

Hey, why did Titans get crap again?!

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[i][b]Edit: I've been told that "leaking" info (fake or otherwise) is against the CoC, so I had to edit the title.[/b][/i] I was digging around in the files again when I found these. Figured they were interesting, so I decided to share. Leave your thoughts/opinions below! Nerfs? Buffs? What are you looking forward to using most? (Remember, all of these are subject to change at Boongee's discretion.) ________________________________________ Starting with Titans, the armor pieces are as follows: [quote][u]Helm of Outmost Rage (Helmet):[/u] [i]"Why can't we blink? Because we keep our eyes on the prize." -Lord Shaxx to Cayde-6[/i] Stats: -Strength Perks: -Grenade kills give more super energy -Melee hits restore grenade energy Exotic Perk: Unwavering Gaze -Using Blink grants an overshield.[/quote] [quote][u]BDE/1 Barbed Wire Fence (Gloves):[/u] [i]"This should keep them out of our country. Nevermind the fact that just about anyone can dig a hole." -US Border Patrol[/i] Stats: -Strength Perks: -Increased melee attack speed -Melee kills increase melee energy Exotic Perk: A Big Fence -Grants a false sense of security [i]Hidden perk: Fist of Panic now comes with flashing red lights and an air raid siren.[/i][/quote] ________________________________________ Next up is the Hunter gear. [quote][u]Celestial Daychicken (Helmet):[/u] [i]"Hunters are good at PvE, too!" -Squeakers Everywhere[/i] Stats: -Strength Perks: -Increases Hand Cannon reload speed -Increased grenade throw distance Exotic Perk: "Skilled Raider" -Provides shank burn for all heavy weapons[/quote] [quote][u]Radiant Sitting Machines:[/u] [i]Even if we're sitting, we'll still get the most kills.[/i] Stats: -Strength Perk: -Hold more Special Ammo Exotic Perk: Seasoned Couch Potato -Move faster while sitting [i]Hidden perk: Allows you to scoot like a dog while sitting.[/i][/quote] ________________________________________ I saved the Warlock exotics for last, since they somehow got the best stuff [i]again...[/i] [quote][u]Sunglasses (Boots) (Jk it's a helmet):[/u] [i]"We knew how to blink first." -Statement that's somehow supposed to make Warlocks better than Hunters[/i] Stats: -Strength Perks: -Increased melee range -Increased Shotgun range Exotic Perk: -Blink 100% further [i]Hidden perk 01: Provides Shot Package and Hammer Forged for the shotgun you're probably using. Hidden perk 02: The sun on Burning Shrine doesn't blind you.[/i][/quote] [quote][u]The Sheep (Helmet):[/u] [i]"We decided to save everyone's time and just make Warlocks immortal." -Boongee[/i] Stats: -Strength Perks: -Increased Armor -More increased Armor -Even more increased Armor Exotic Perk: Mentality of the Herd -You no longer take damage [i]Hidden perk: Provides Fireborn for both subclasses.[/i][/quote] [quote][u]Tryhard Pants (Boots):[/u] [i]Teabag mode activated.[/i] Stats: Strength Perk: -Carry more Thorn ammo Exotic Perk: Neckbeard -Equips your Thorn and Final Round sniper so you don't have to [i]Hidden perk: Teabag 50% faster.[/i][/quote] ________________________________________ And finally, onto the weapons. [quote][u]Hawksun (Man Cannon):[/u] [i]"Playstation is gay!" -Jealous Xboners[/i] Perk: -[b]F[/b]uck In The Chamber (One random bullet in the magazine does no damage, and instead fires a flag that says "[b]F[/b]uck.") Exotic Perk: -Holding Jacks (Doesn't actually do anything useful, but decreases the weapon's drop rate to the minimum.)[/quote] [quote][u]Flower (Scrub Cannon):[/u] [i]Dude, don't even bother fighting me. You know you're gonna lose.[/i] Perk: -Initial Round (The first round in each magazine always misses) Exotic Perk: -Mark of the Scrublord (Causes victims to ragequit from the lobby and complain on the forums) [i]Hidden perk: Causes 300% more rage if your connection is in the red.[/i][/quote] [quote][u]FelFrideet's Noob (Sniper Rifle):[/u] [i]"This weapon is balanced." -Felwinter[/i] Perk: -Sniper Package (Triples this weapon's range) Exotic Perk: -All of the Rounds (The first, second, third, fourth, fifth, and sixth round in this weapon's magazine do moar damage.) [i]Hidden perk: Automatically IP bans the opposing team from Trials matches and gives you a perfect passage.[/i] [/quote] ________________________________________ Boongee's Changelog: ________________________________________ This is where I will post all buffs and nerfs that are applied to all weapons, listed or otherwise. [b]1.1.RIP: The one with weapon unbalances[/b] -We've decided to pull up weapon usage statistics, and noticed people were really enjoying Auto Rifles. We heard your cries, and decided to replace all auto rifle bullets with lettuce! Enjoy! -Buffed Hawksun with a cute audio clip that will play each time [b]F[/b]uck in the Chamber procs. You're welcome! -Thorn's DoT now damages its victims' internet connection, too! -Buffed Final Round by 66.6%. Crucible design lead T. Baggins didn't think it was worth the perk slot before the change. -Fixed a bug that caused the Vex Mythoclast to work properly -Buffed Pulse Rifles. Twice. [b]Raid Designer Looke Smeethe took a look at the new raid, and decided a few changes needed to be made. Let's have a chat with him![/b] [quote]DooJ: "Hey, Looke, tell us about the changes you made to Crota's End." Smeethe: "So I looked at the completion stats and noticed that 90% of all guardians were completing the raid within 15 minutes. Upon closer inspection, I determined the cause: Rocket Launchers have seen a 200% increase in use during the final boss encounter." D: "That's quite a bit. What did you do to fix it?" S: "Well, to start, we made guardians lose heavy ammo whenever they died. However, our playtesters pointed out the option of using ammo synths. I decided to temporarily remove heavy ammo synthesis from Xöör's loot table to rectify this." D: "Sounds like we averted a major crisis! Did you change anything else?" S: "Of course! We decided that with the artificial difficulty increase, guardians should be rewarded to match the effort, so I took the liberty of increasing the drop rate of our new exotic sniper rifle, Yes Land Beyond, by a staggering 20%! Of course, we had to lower the drop rate of the Black HammerTime to prevent Sniper Flooding." D: "How considerate! You really outdid yourself this time."[/quote] And there you have it, guardians! Straight from Looke Smeethe himself! Use those Yes Land Beyonds with pride, you've earned them. [u]2.0 coming soon![/u] ________________________________________ Author's Edits: -Added quotes to more clearly define where one item ends and another begins -Rephrased some passages to be more entertaining and/or grammatically correct -Added a Thank You section -Added the Edits section (which you are reading now) -Minor punctuation changes -Changed my name from A Gunslinger to DooJ! I am now Boongee's Commoonity Moonager :) ________________________________________ [i]Thanks for all of the positive feedback! Since you guys seem to like it so much, I'll probably be updating this soon! Feel free to comment your favorite parts and share with friends. This took a while to type out, and your feedback is always appreciated! [b]DooJ out![/b][/i]

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