I'm going to ask up front for you to read [url=https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/108335825/0/0]something I'm working on[/url] and give me some tips. As for your writing, you have an excellent voice but I feel like your writing lacks purpose. The first passage about goodbye sounds like you're just trying to sounds poetic for the sake of sounding poetic. This may not be the case, but that's the impression I got. The second, about comparing a dad to a gorilla, felt much more genuine to me. Overall, I think you write well, but make sure you're what you're writing about has relevance to you.

We are not now that strength, That once moved earth and heaven, We are what we are:one equal temper of heroic hearts. Made weak by time and fate, But strong in will. To strive,to seek,to find and Not to yeild.