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originally posted in: A fireteam walks into a bar...
8/11/2014 5:11:12 AM
20
So a Titan walks into a bar and after about an hour of drinking several forms of futuristic alcohol, becomes completely trashed. Seeing an opportunity to gain some extra cash, the bartender, a Hunter, calls the Titan over. "Hey, Buddy, you feel like making some extra dough? I'll make a bet with ya if you're interested." The Hunter inquired mischievously. "If you win, you get all this glimmer." He carefully picks up a bowl full of rocky blue powder from under the counter and places it in front of the Titan. "Sure pal, that sounds GREAT!" The Titan exclaimed, throwing a fist into the air. "Fantastic. Here's the deal. You need to do three things in order to win this bet. First off, there's that Fallen Captain over there. See him?" He points to a caped alien douche sitting at a table in the corner, drinking a glass of whatever badass drink Fallen are generally into. The Titan nods. "Good. You gotta fight that guy and knock him out." "No Problem!" The Titan shouts. "Cool, now the second thing you gotta do is pull some teeth." The Hunter reaches under the counter and puts a pair of pliers on the counter. "I've got a Hive Thrall caged up in the kitchen out back. You need to go back there and rip out all his teeth with these, then bring them back to me." "Easy squeezy lemon peezy!" The Titan bellowed as he picked up the pliers. "Glad to hear it." The Hunter replied, rolling his eyes behind his heavily tinted visor. "Now the last thing you need to do is not for the weak of heart. While coming into the bar, you may have noticed an old Warlock broad sitting on a bench near the front door. That chick is nuts and is still waiting for her 'beloved' that died fighting the darkness before the end of the Golden Age. Nobody even knows how the old bat is still alive! Anyway, you need to -blam!- her brains out. If you do that along with your two previously mentioned tasks, the glimmer is yours. Just throw in a handful of your own as payment and give it your best shot." (THAT'S TOTALLY HOW GLIMMER WORKS, SHUT UP!!) The Titan let out a large belch of approval before reaching into his secret Titan pocket and throwing a handful of glimmer into the bowl. He then gave a drunken salute to the Hunter and shuffled off to the corner where the Fallen Captain was sitting. The freaky alien creature saw the Titan approaching and quickly inhaled in preparation to let out an intimidating howl. However, before he could do so, the Titan swung his mighty fist, crackling with electricity into the captains skull. The force flung the fallen into the air for a brief moment before he was disintegrated into nothingness. The Hunters jaw hung in surprise as the Titan swirled around and began shuffling to the kitchen as though nothing had happened. Shortly after the kitchen door shut behind the Titan, the Hunter could hear the cage door of the Hive Thrall he'd captured being opened. Moments later, howls from the beast could be heard all through the cantina. Several long minutes passed. Eventually though, the Titan emerged, clearly victorious. "So," The Titan began, standing proudly, "Where's that old lady whose teeth I have to pull?"
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