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9/5/2012 8:44:40 PM
26

The History of the Mancannon

Al the Forerunner sighed with satisfaction. He had finally finished his greatest invention, and it was working to perfection. Stepping back to wipe a thin sheen of sweat from his brow with a well-used shop towel, Al admired the sleek purple curves and electric blue wind that unnecessarily blew out at a 45-degree angle. "This," Al said to himself, "will change our Forerunner civilization forever." Nodding sagely to himself, Al could already imagine the statues honoring him and the Forerunner streets and schools that would be named "Al" in his memory. Lugging his new invention outside in a small rickety red wagon, Al shouted to the townsfolk to come gather 'round. Curious at the whooshing contraption, several Forerunners gathered at the town's central plaza to find out what exactly was going on. Most, however, rolled their eyes and kept on about their business. "WITNESS, brethren, the future of the Forerunner!" Al grandly proclaimed. "What does it do?" a bystander shouted. "It shoots people, objects, and plasma grenades several hundred yards in the blink of an eye!" replied Al, glowing with excitement. There was a long, silent pause in the crowd. Finally, someone spoke up. "Why?" Although several bystanders nodded their agreement with this question, Al ignored it, knowing that his demonstration would answer all questions and likely make him the most famous Forerunner in history. Al was, of course, wearing his most regal-looking robe. Sweeping his arms wide with kingly benevolence, he proclaimed, "Watch as I step from the lowly ground upon which you walk into the realm of the gods!! Behold, the MAN CANNON!!" Al gingerly placed a foot into the man cannon and immediately shot several hundred feet into the air, moving forwards at an incredible speed. For a moment, the crowd "ooh'd" and "ahh'd" as it seemed that Al's ascent to the heavens would never end and, as he predicted, he would soon be a god amongst men. Just at that moment, however, the "oohs" and "ahhs" died out as gravity began to pull Al back to the ground. Al, plummeting confusedly, began flailing his arms wildly, trying to flap his way back into the sky. Seconds later, he crashed face first into the ground several hundred yards away. Sliding a hundred feet in the dirt, Al's body created a deep trough as small animals and bugs scattered out of the way. It would have been quite humorous, except that Al was clearly dead on impact. The crowd, stunned, stared for a moment. Then, looking at each other, began asking, "So.... it looks like he made thousands of these 'mancannon' things. What do we do with them?" "Stick 'em in the Forge warehouse," they all agreed. "Maybe somebody can make some use of them in a few thousand years." [Edited on 09.05.2012 12:47 PM PDT]
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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] x Foman123 x "Why?"[/quote] I lol'd.
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  • That was awesome haha very well done foman. I like how everything came together with the forge part at the end. Poor guy though thats now how I would wanna die. But we must pay tribute to this Al for bring such a fun tool to us. The MANCANNON! *Claps* [Edited on 11.16.2012 12:57 PM PST]
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  • 10/10, feed me more (plz). I am incredibly inspired by this and now I want to write my own short Halo stories. [Edited on 11.16.2012 10:50 AM PST]
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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] DarkestSeptagon [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] MasterSin why is Foman banned?[/quote][url=http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=75065832]This.[/url] [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] DeeJ I have begrudgingly declared Foman the winner. I have also permabanned him from Bungie.net for not taking the challenge seriously, and creating a mockery of my literary movement before it could even get off the ground. I hope it was worth it. I really do.[/quote] Does anyone have a copy of the story? I want to read it.[/quote] I liked Fomans contest thingy just as the Mancannon. He is a good writer! >.> <.< >.> ......... Cof!
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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] MasterSin why is Foman banned?[/quote][url=http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=75065832]This.[/url] [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] DeeJ I have begrudgingly declared Foman the winner. I have also permabanned him from Bungie.net for not taking the challenge seriously, and creating a mockery of my literary movement before it could even get off the ground. I hope it was worth it. I really do.[/quote] Does anyone have a copy of the story? I want to read it. [Edited on 10.03.2012 7:10 AM PDT]
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  • I love this story short and still deep. Btw why is Foman banned?
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  • +1 internets to Foman. Great read though.
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  • I loved this story. Hilarious, poor Al though.
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  • It was intersting. Allways glad to see a satire.
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  • i also love this dude
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  • 9/10 foman. I loved this dude.
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  • 'Remember, fear leads to anger. Anger leads to Hate. And hate leads to mancannon's.' A great fic. Though I preferred your Gravemind story. Hope we can see more of your fiction in the near future.
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  • Foman, I thought you were really busy atm.. then you go and write this?! Awesome, this better be added to halopedia. xD
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  • this is one of those moments where I ask, what the -blam!- did I just read.
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  • I didn't know you could write comedy foman or write anything for that matter. But i was really good.
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  • 0
    Unanimate Objec
    Unanimate Objec

    7 years and counting. - 8/29/2016 1:33:56 PM

    Oh my, that was too funny.
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  • So nothing as to how he came up with the name "mancannon"? Surely this will be in the prequel.
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  • Short and sweet. I liked it :)
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  • Great story! Thanks for the laugh. And damn well written. I was there man...
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  • I lol'd.
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  • Poor Al, he flew too close to the sun.
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  • I can't wait for the prequel where Al invents the hyper-lethal traffic cone. [Edited on 09.05.2012 5:06 PM PDT]
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  • u wot m8
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  • Poor AI, but nicely done FoMan. Wasn't expecting to see this on my daily trip to the Gallery Forum. And, wow, it's already a Top Forum Topic.
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  • A Fo-Fic?! It seems like only yesterday the crisis of locked fan fictions was going down... :P Poor Al, I may well have to stop using those villainous Man Cannons in Forge after learning their vile origins of being birthed in an innocent Forerunner's blood, and the counless Spartans and Elites who have further fallen prey to such devious contraptions.
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  • Needs more Dragons. Okay seriously though, that was great, I laughed out loud. [Edited on 09.05.2012 1:07 PM PDT]
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