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8/23/2012 3:58:06 AM

Eight months ago, at 343 Industries...

Employee 1: Guys, guys. We need to develop the armor for multiplayer. Bossman: What have ya got in mind, chum? Employee 1: I was thinking we bring back the besties, such as Rogue, Hayabusa, Commando, Scout, and others, while adding sleek new armor variants for the Mark 7 suit that look like something that would really intimidate an alien force, and have some military purpose. Employee 2: Oh, oh, but what about bubbles? Employee 1: Bubbles? Employee 2: Yeah, yeah, we take a suit of armor, and give it lots of bubbles for a visor. Amirite? Employee 1: What? Bossman: Listen chum, I'm loving your idea. I'm loving every second of it. Might I add to what chum 2 said? Employee 1: Uh, sure... Bossman: Okay, let's not bring any old armor back. Except mark 6, that can stay. Out with the old, in with the new. Now, let's create brand new sets of armor that are difficult to tell apart, are randomly thrown together without being thought through, and make them all ugly as -blam!-. Employee 2: Hot damn. That's good. Employee 1: Wait, what? Employee 2: SKINS. Bossman and Employee 1: Skins? Employee 2: Let's take what we like about Call of Duty, where you can make sexy, hideous gun skins that only a 13 year old would like, and ADD THEM TO HALO. EVEN TO ALIEN WEAPONS. Bossman: I think I just orgasmed. Employee 1: What are you guys on? This isn't Halo! These are awful ideas! Bossman: Exclusive armor should come with the six billion dollar special Xbox edition. Employee 2: It should be sleek, thought through, and intimidating. Employee 1: YES! FINALLY! Bossman: Now let's add a unicorn horn. Employee 1: ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MINDS? Bossman: We're letting you go, chum. Employee 1: WHAT? WHY? Bossman: You clearly don't give a damn about this game. Your heart isn't into it. I'd say you're even trying to sabotage it. Employee 1: B-b-but? Bossman: Out. ... Moments after Employee 1 leaves... Employee 2: Hey Boss, you know what the fans would REALLY love? Bossman: What? Employee 2: Keeping the Covenant in the game. Removing Firefight, and not doing anything extraordinary with Forge. Bossman: Marry me? Employee 2: And also loadouts. Bossman: Sex. Now. THE END. [Edited on 08.22.2012 8:05 PM PDT]
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