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8/19/2012 9:54:57 AM
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How to make a Peanut Butter Sandwich (ADVANCED TUTORIAL)

AND JELLY DON'T FORGET JELLY SANDWICH. CHAPTER 1: INGREDIENTS NEEDED Peanut Butter Jelly Bread Something to spread peanut butter and jelly onto bread CHAPTER 2: FIXING THE SANDWICH First, you must spread a thick layer of peanut butter onto the white part of a slice of bread. You can only spread the peanut butter on the white part, and the white part only. You may only spread peanut butter on one side. Spreading peanut butter on both sides will provide an inferior sandwich. Next, you must spread a thick layer of jelly onto the white part of a slice of bread. You can only spread jelly on the white part, and the white part only. You may only spread jelly on one side. Spreading jelly on both sides will provide and inferior sandwich. You cannot spread jelly onto the same slice of bread onto which you have spread peanut butter. Also you cannot spread peanut butter or jelly onto more than one slice of bread, as this will provide an undesired excess of either ingredient. Additionally, only peanut butter and jelly can be spread onto these slices of bread; no other ingredient will suffice, and no substitute can be used in a sandwich that is to be legitimately recognized as a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Likewise, only bread may be the substance upon which the peanut butter and jelly are spread, as anything else does not fit the standards of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich; if the peanut butter and jelly are spread onto a culinary medium that isn't bread, the meal at hand simply is not a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. CHAPTER 3: FORMING THE PBJ SANDWICH Once you have accomplished spreading a thin layer of peanut butter onto the white of one side of one slice of bread, and likewise has been accomplished using grape jelly on a separate slice of bread, you must match the slices of bread up to each other, forming a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. In this scenario, the peanut butter-covered face of bread must be facing the jelly-covered face of the second slice of bread so that the peanut butter surface touched the surface of the jelly. The surface of the peanut butter is not allowed to touch a jelly-less substance of bread, resulting in a jelly face outwards, and likewise applies to the jelly. If a substance is found facing on the outside of the sandwich, the product will not be accepted as peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The side with the peanut butter and the side with jelly on it must match up and stick together to form one solid sandwich. Which the eater picks up the sandwich, he or she must hold both pieces of bread at the same time, or else on slice will fall off, and eating only one slice of bread will not be recognized as the same or even similar to eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. CHAPTER 4 : EATING THE SANDWICH Next, you must take a bite of the sandwich. This action will consist of moving the sandwich within a close proximity of your face that a small "bite" of the sandwich with your mouth for you to mash up with your teeth. This bite must be a bite that includes both slices of bread, peanut butter and jelly. Make sure all obstructions are clear from the mouth and esophagus, not including peanut butter, jelly or bread, or any combination of said ingredients. If you have followed all previous steps, this goal will be easily accomplished. Not doing so will create an incorrect and inferior dining experience and thus will not be a peanut and butter sandwich that is being eaten. However, if one successfully gets both peanut butter and jelly sandwich to be considered complete and unobjectionable, you must perform the previously mentioned series of taking bites of the sandwich, chewing them, and swallowing them repeatedly until the entire sandwich has been removed visible existence. Chapter 5 : FINAL RULES OF EATING A PBJ SANDWICH COMPLETELY These circumstances may only be reached by eating the entire sandwich, and no parts of the sandwich may be thrown away or given to somebody else. This is your sandwich, and your responsibility. For the Dining experience to be completed, the sandwich must be completely digested. In the context of completing the process of consuming a legitimate peanut butter and jelly sandwich, there are no extenuating circumstances. Actions such as vomiting, surgical removal of the sandwich from the body, or placement of the sandwich inside the lungs opposed to the esophagus will not be taken into account, as they do not result in the complete digestion of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. CHAPTER 6 : THE FINAL CONCLUSION TO THE PBJ SANDWICH After COMPLETELY Following the tutorial above you have accomplished the process of COMPLETELY Fixing,Forming,And eating a sandwich. Great Job! [Edited on 08.19.2012 3:29 AM PDT]
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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] KROOKA [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] A Stolen Fruit [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] KROOKA I declare OP to be the Floods Chancellor of the Sandwich Board of Sandwiches Makers and Consumers. Also somebody get him a PhD in sandwich making. Any objections?[/quote] [url=http://objection.mrdictionary.net/go.php?n=6076245]Objection![/url][/quote] Do you wanna take this outside Fruit? Do you!? By the way, I lol'd at the link.[/quote] where do you get this stuff from?
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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Aythor [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3HehLKqxsY]Relevant[/url][/quote] She is clearly a natural.
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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] A Stolen Fruit [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] KROOKA I declare OP to be the Floods Chancellor of the Sandwich Board of Sandwiches Makers and Consumers. Also somebody get him a PhD in sandwich making. Any objections?[/quote] [url=http://objection.mrdictionary.net/go.php?n=6076245]Objection![/url][/quote] Do you wanna take this outside Fruit? Do you!? By the way, I lol'd at the link. [Edited on 08.19.2012 4:19 AM PDT]
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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] KROOKA I declare OP to be the Floods Chancellor of the Sandwich Board of Sandwiches Makers and Consumers. Also somebody get him a PhD in sandwich making. Any objections?[/quote] [url=http://objection.mrdictionary.net/go.php?n=6076245]Objection![/url]
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  • I declare OP to be the Floods Chancellor of the Sandwich Board of Sandwiches Makers and Consumers. Also somebody get him a PhD in sandwich making. Any objections?
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  • I'm done eating it now wut?
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  • [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zcG-m0MNoZw]You should try to make a video tutorial like this.[/url]
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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] YellowPaste [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Slavic Ninjew OP, something has gone horribly wrong. I got to chapter five and I don't know what to do. All obstructions have been removed from the vicinity of my mouth and the sandwich is being pushed into a close proximity of my face. All this is doing is making my face very messy and ruining my sandwich. What do?[/quote] Did you try biting the sandwich? If not and all else fails then Restart the process all over again until you get it right. But remember fixing a sandwich is a very hard task.[/quote] Oh okay, biting worked. Thanks!
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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Slavic Ninjew OP, something has gone horribly wrong. I got to chapter five and I don't know what to do. All obstructions have been removed from the vicinity of my mouth and the sandwich is being pushed into a close proximity of my face. All this is doing is making my face very messy and ruining my sandwich. What do?[/quote] Did you try biting the sandwich? If not and all else fails then Restart the process all over again until you get it right. But remember fixing a sandwich is a very hard task.
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  • your knowledge passes down to us all
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  • OP, something has gone horribly wrong. I got to chapter five and I don't know what to do. All obstructions have been removed from the vicinity of my mouth and the sandwich is being pushed into a close proximity of my face. All this is doing is making my face very messy and ruining my sandwich. What do?
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  • Op, you really typed out a 1 page of how to make a peanut butter sandwich? Sigh.
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  • 10/10 would read again Thank you OP, I will never eat another bad PBJ sandwich
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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] YellowPaste [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Facts [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Clueless313 [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Facts Seems legit.[/quote] [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Facts [/quote]Is now legit.[/quote] Yup. lol[/quote] I wonder what happened to that opinion guy...[/quote] That guy isn't me.
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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Facts [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Clueless313 [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Facts Seems legit.[/quote] [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Facts [/quote]Is now legit.[/quote] Yup. lol[/quote] I wonder what happened to that opinion guy...
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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Clueless313 [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Facts Seems legit.[/quote] [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Facts [/quote]Is now legit.[/quote] Yup. lol
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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Facts Seems legit.[/quote] [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Facts [/quote]Is now legit.
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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Clueless313 what if my bread doesnt have any white parts????? help PLEASE!![/quote] [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Clueless [/quote] Seems legit.
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  • what if my bread doesnt have any white parts????? help PLEASE!!
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  • I didn't know how serious you were about this. But a perfect sandwich is a perfect sandwich.
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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] epicusername [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Facts [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Firefox07 [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Facts Wow thanks! I was looking for a tutorial like this.[/quote] Holy Shet! this is facts approved. Saved.[/quote] I should start posting that: "Approved by me" -Facts Or something like that...[/quote] Even though your facts i don't a sig would go good with every post you make. [/quote] Yea. Or maybe only on things that need approval.
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  • Very informative, university lecture level stuff. Thread saved for when i need to know how to make a PBJ sandvich.
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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Facts [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Firefox07 [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Facts Wow thanks! I was looking for a tutorial like this.[/quote] Holy Shet! this is facts approved. Saved.[/quote] I should start posting that: "Approved by me" -Facts Or something like that...[/quote] Even though your facts i don't a sig would go good with every post you make.
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  • [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zcG-m0MNoZw&feature=player_detailpage]I know this is an egg salad sandwich tutorial[/url] But its close enough to making the best god damn PBJ sandwich you ever ate in your life.
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  • 0
    It took me many attempts to make a PBJ sandwich untill I found this. It's alot harder then it seems. Thanks for this OP!
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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Firefox07 [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Facts Wow thanks! I was looking for a tutorial like this.[/quote] Holy Shet! this is facts approved. Saved.[/quote] I should start posting that: "Approved by me" -Facts Or something like that...
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