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8/17/2006 4:37:38 AM
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Who Ate All The Pie? An Insane Short Story. *Ok, Chap 3 and 4 are up*

Ok, this is a short story I wrote about a year ago when i was bored. Hate it, Love it, whatever. I don't claim to own any characters, other then the Police Chief guy. And sorry if there are any grammatical errors, I havn't gotten around to editing it yet. Chapter 1. It was not a normal day in Kelsington. The sky was blue! Good gravy it was blue! It wasn't its normal shade of musty brown, it was blue! No one was sure why this happened, but the resident town detective had his suspicions... "Im telling you, its because someone spilled a can of paint upside down! They opened it the wrong way and it fell up!", the Detective argued. "And I'm telling you that that is impossible. How can something fall up? It is absurd, ridiculous, abnormal, crazy, impossible, and improbable!" The Police Chief argued back. "Well if you stand on your head it does. Watch and learn my very serious employer.", The detective picked up the Chiefs' pen and stood on his head. He dropped it and do you want to guess what happened? Well, it fell up! It hit the ceiling, bounced, and fell back to the ceiling where it stayed. "See? I told you, now we need some musty brown paint! Lets fix the sky!" "Ju-da-bu-... how did that happen!?... I guess you were...right. Well, go find the culprit! I will get a team to fix the sky!" *********** ********** ****************** ********** *** The Detective had finally pinpointed the hideout of the culprit. His name was Triangle Man and really liked to mess stuff up and annoy people. He liked to annoy them like a fly buzzing around your ear, or a gnat that decided to fly uo your nose. Yes he was annoying just like them. The Detective marched up to his house and sniffed the door. Sniffing doors was Kelsingtons way of knocking. Dont ask why, thats just how they do it. There was no answer so he preceded to blow the door down because it was made of air. So, if you think about it, there was no dor and he opened no door and he smelt no door. All of that is absoloutly mad but thats how it happened, I was there! The Detective walked in and noticed he hadn't really walked in anywhere and was standing in an open field. He saw triangle man standing near a table eating something. The Detective walked up to him and asked, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING TRIANGLE MAN MAN MAN MAN MAN!" Triangle man screamed like a little girl and turned around. "Oh hey there Mr. Detective. I was just eating some pie. I sure do love pie!" "Indeed. Everyone here in Kelsington loves pie... GIMMIE SOME!" "NO! ITS MINE... Its....my....preeeecious." "Well now I have to arrest you. You quoted Gollum from the Lord of the Rings and you didnt say you cited him. Now I get your pie. I WIN! " Oh tartar sauce. If it wasnt for you meddling kids and that dumb dog of yours I would have gotten away with it!" "Now you go to jail for quoting Spongebob Squarepants and Scooby Doo without citing them. You lose. And I have no dog... and im not plural... nor am I a kid... you get the death sentance for being stupid. "Awwww man." [Edited on 8/17/2006]
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  • best.. story.. ever.. u should really consider doing more..a sequel perhaps? [Edited on 8/17/2006]
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  • Lets just say I was vacationing in an extremely hot place that we will call "Texas". I was very bored. Very, Very bored. So i wrote a story based on what I like and stuff. Oh and, sorry about your gravy and roast beef urges, I have an urge for Pizza now that were talking about food.
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  • Sorry if you were offended but c'mon...did read it after you wrote it.
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  • gah, when you said "good gravy" I got an insane urge to eat gravy. know what the problem is? THERE IS NO FREAKING GRAVY IN MY HOUSE! don't you hate it when you realy want some kind of food that isn't there? I know I do. One time I had a craving for roast beef that lasted for 2 and a half months. I never was motivated enough to go get some, but it did put a bit of a damper on everything. then, 2 and a half months since it started, I found myself at a buffet place, and guess what it had. ROAST FREAKING BEEF! I almost cried with joy. I may have teared up a bit when I saw it. oh, now I want roast beef and gravy. this blows.
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  • Thank you for the constructive criticism, fragologist, I will now stop writing the way I do because you think my story is bad. Now please, go troll somewhere else.
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  • I read more interesting things when I vomitted up a bowl of alphabits cereal. [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] DarkmasterDF Ok, this is a short story I wrote about a year ago when i was bored. Hate it, Love it, whatever. I don't claim to own any characters, other then the Police Chief guy. And sorry if there are any grammatical errors, I havn't gotten around to editing it yet. Chapter 1. It was not a normal day in Kelsington. The sky was blue! Good gravy it was blue! It wasn't its normal shade of musty brown, it was blue! No one was sure why this happened, but the resident town detective had his suspicions... "Im telling you, its because someone spilled a can of paint upside down! They opened it the wrong way and it fell up!", the Detective argued. "And I'm telling you that that is impossible. How can something fall up? It is absurd, ridiculous, abnormal, crazy, impossible, and improbable!" The Police Chief argued back. "Well if you stand on your head it does. Watch and learn my very serious employer.", The detective picked up the Chiefs' pen and stood on his head. He dropped it and do you want to guess what happened? Well, it fell up! It hit the ceiling, bounced, and fell back to the ceiling where it stayed. "See? I told you, now we need some musty brown paint! Lets fix the sky!" "Ju-da-bu-... how did that happen!?... I guess you were...right. Well, go find the culprit! I will get a team to fix the sky!" *********** ********** ****************** ********** *** The Detective had finally pinpointed the hideout of the culprit. His name was Triangle Man and really liked to mess stuff up and annoy people. He liked to annoy them like a fly buzzing around your ear, or a gnat that decided to fly uo your nose. Yes he was annoying just like them. The Detective marched up to his house and sniffed the door. Sniffing doors was Kelsingtons way of knocking. Dont ask why, thats just how they do it. There was no answer so he preceded to blow the door down because it was made of air. So, if you think about it, there was no dor and he opened no door and he smelt no door. All of that is absoloutly mad but thats how it happened, I was there! The Detective walked in and noticed he hadn't really walked in anywhere and was standing in an open field. He saw triangle man standing near a table eating something. The Detective walked up to him and asked, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING TRIANGLE MAN MAN MAN MAN MAN!" Triangle man screamed like a little girl and turned around. "Oh hey there Mr. Detective. I was just eating some pie. I sure do love pie!" "Indeed. Everyone here in Kelsington loves pie... GIMMIE SOME!" "NO! ITS MINE... Its....my....preeeecious." "Well now I have to arrest you. You quoted Gollum from the Lord of the Rings and you didnt say you cited him. Now I get your pie. I WIN! " Oh tartar sauce. If it wasnt for you meddling kids and that dumb dog of yours I would have gotten away with it!" "Now you go to jail for quoting Spongebob Squarepants and Scooby Doo without citing them. You lose. And I have no dog... and im not plural... nor am I a kid... you get the death sentance for being stupid. "Awwww man." [/quote]
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  • I love the ren and stimpy addition......lol
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  • And yes, I know I changed the log song and some other stuff.
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  • Yes I know, weird ending. I couldn't think of anything. Chap 4. The End. The creature that hopped out of that door was horrifying. It was white. It had red eyes. It had long ears. It was...A cute cuddly bunny wabbit! No it wasn't cute or cuddly. It wasn't fun to play with or be with. No, it was the evil bunny who guarded the Cave of Doom!!! But there was no Cave of Doom so it wasn't guarding it. So technically it was just...there. "What beast is this?" The detective shouted. "That is the evil bunny..of doom!" Tony then laughed so hard that he died. "Well I guess it's safe to assume there won't be a huge climatic battle against him." "No, but there will be a huge climatic battle against ME!" Shouted the newly reinvigorated Triangle Man. "No...NO, I KILLED YOU!!! YOUR DEAD YOU CANT BE HERE!" The detective shouted. "I can and I am Detective...or should i say LOG!!" Triangle Man shouted. "Noooo my identity has been revealed!! What will I ever doooo?" The detective then morphed into something brown. Something made of wood. Something heavy. He morphed into Log! It was at that moment that Taylor came to him! "Detective, you are log?? Oh boy I want one..I think I feel a song coming on!" Then Taylor sang the one song to rule them all One song to find them. One song to bring them all and in the darkness BIND them....kinda "All kids love log! Log rolls down stairs, picks up your bears, over the nieghbors dog. Its great for a snack, its fits on your back, its Log Log Log. Its Looog, Looog, its big, its heavy, its wood! Its Looog, Looog, its better than bad its good! Everyone wants a log. Who wants a Log? Come and get your log. Everyone needs a log! From...Whamo! Doopa doop doop dun duuuh dud While Taylor was singing, every resident of Kelsington who had played a role in this story had arrived. "The detective is a liar! He ate all the pie! Everyone knows that the Log toys eat all the pie!" Triangle man shouted. "Wait," Taylor shouted. "I have a confession also. I am....I am... I am OilSt0rm!" There was a big shock from the audience. OilSt0rm was the inventor of pie. "Log did not eat all the pie....I did....nt....No it was....nt....me. It was no one. I took the pie away from us. Don't you guys see? With Pie were all happy. Without it were evil. So, can't we jsut try to live without pie?" Everybody in that area stared at him. What a moron. What a stupid retarded moron. How are you going to take the pie away from everyone and expect things to be good? This was madness. And then..the Knights who say Ni! arrived. "Whats going on here? Where is our Shrubbery? I demand a Shrubbery!" The head knight shouted. He then leaned against a Galloping Gohart."Give me shrubbery, or give me death!" It was then at that instant that all became clear. A shrubbery came falling out of the sky and landed on his head. "Good gravy! This Shrubbery is very fine! But to bad we don't want it. We are not the Knights who say Ni! any longer. We are the Knights who say Inky-Inky-Inky-Gablorg-Spilatch-Grooombalyayyayayayayayayayam eow! "Shut UP!!!" The insane guy who tried to kill himself but couldn't because the road was much to soft said. He then shot all of the Knights who say Ni! With his Magic Rainbow Gun that shoots Rainbows(IN STORES NOW!) "Omg He has teh magik raneboow gun!! Every1 bett3r run awayZZorz!!" Shouted a monkey. He shot the monkey with it. Now your probably wondering. What is the writer or this story thinking? The detective is a log? That guy killed all of the KNights who formerly said Ni! with a maic rainbow gun. Taylor is smart enough to invent pie? A monkey? What happened to that cuddy bunny! The answers come....NOW! "Look, here comes the bunny!" The detective shouted. That psycho with the rainbow tried to shoot it but the bunny jumped on his face and ate it. Meanwhile Taylor was describing why he acted dumb. "Its because I like to make people laugh and so no one would suspect me of making pie!" Oh and the rainbow gun that shoots rainbows came from Whamo, the people who brought you log! 6000 seconds later. Everyone was settled. The Galloping Gohart would only drop things when you asked it to give you death or pie! Taylor was out business. The detective was used to make a house for the bunny who was actually a good bunny but under Particle Mans' spell. Particle man was in Jail. That monkey who was 1337 is still dead. The rainbow gun is now in the game Halo 2 and is the favorite gun of all n00bs(Hi jearbear!). Kelsington was also renamed Swingerville. And then they all lived happily ever after. Almost. And the skies parted. A mysterious being landed amongst them. His name...was John. 117... And he was here...to kill the covenant. With a roar and an explosion 100 Gold Elites(Commanders) rushed into Swingersville, slaying all who were unfortunatly in there way. John had only a Sniper Rifle with 50 shots(Enough to kill 20 Elites(this is on Legendary Difficulty!!)) and an Energry sword with enough energy to kill only one Elite. "What if you miss?" His female A.I. companion asked. "I won't." [Edited on 8/17/2006]
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  • I dont own any familiar characters! Chap 3. The Detective stumbled out of the local bar. Its been 12 minutes and they hadn't found a lead yet. With no pie people were begining to shot each other with there pie shooting guns. But since there were no pies they didn't hurt anybody. One crazy guy even tried jumping off a building and ending his life. It didnt work because the super-soft-pavement-made-to-precent-suicides-like-this-one saved him! He then proceded to sue the pavement and is still over there arguing with it. All of this in the course of 12 minutes. The detective then knew who stole the pies! It was Tony the Mutha Feckin Pony! He wasnt really a pony but everyone called him that because they could. The detective started walking to his house. Taylor wasn't there cause he was too busy searching for the pies in the most retarded places. Ever. He looked under a rock, under a street post, under his foot, under the Earth and under the same rock again. He is stupid. The detective was making his was to the house of Tony when out of no where the Knights who say Ni! appeared(yay). They stopped the Detective. "Ni! Ni! Ni!", the knights shouted. The blocked the Detectives path. "Who are you?" The detective asked. "We are the Knights who say Ni!", the head knight replied. "What in the name of pumpkin pie are the knights who say Ni!" "We are the keepers of the sacred words: Ni!, Peng, and Nee-wom! Whoever hears them seldom live to hear the tale!" "Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!" The knights shouted. "Aaahhh the pain! You must stop, I will do anything!" "We shall say Ni! again if you do not appease us." The head knight stated. "Well what is it you want?" "We want a shrubbery!" "Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!" "Ow ouch, stop it!" "You must retrun with a shrubbery or you will never ever fohever mylever gever jever minever pass through these woods!" "Ok, we will return with a shrubbery." "One that looks nice." "Of course." "And not to expensive." "Sure thing." "Now be off! Ni!" The whole tiem the Detective was talkng to them he was slowly manuevering around them. He was now on the other side and started running towards Tony's house. After a million half seconds he was there! Toyn was waiting for him when he got to the door. "Well it took you long enough Detective!" "I coudlnt find your house." "This is the only house in the neighborhood!" "Exactly." "Well what do you want?" "A few things. They have to do with Pie, Ni! and carrosels." "It wasnt me! He died cause it broke." "Im not worried about the carrosels." "Hallelujah, Hallelujah!" "But what about the Knights who say Ni!?" "What about them?" "They wouldnt let me come here!" "Well your here now arent you?" "Yes." "Ok then." "I also have reason to believe you ate all the pie!" "Me? No. Never." "Yes you did." "Well how do you know mr. Smartpants?" "Well I see them in your house from here..." "Oh yeah well, KILLER ATTACK!!" And it was at that moment when the scariest thing the Detective had ever seen hopped out of the front door...
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  • Actually, I think The "Detecive" was meant to be Mister Chief. I originally was going to do some acrtwork in paint depicting select scenes from here, and thats where you would see Mister Chief. So, yeah, the Detective is Mister Chief.
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  • ..whens mister chief coming in
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  • I think once this thread gets to the second page I will put up Chapter 3. Or, if it never does, I will put it it up sometime before....?
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  • Mods, PLZ sticky this thread!!!11!!1!! SRSLY! no, SRSLY!
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  • Dude, this is an absolute waste of time... And I love it. ^_^
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  • best story ever...
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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] BANANA RAMA Wow. Pretty much the best post ever made in The Flood.[/quote] Thank You, I still have 2 more chapters i will be posting sometime later.
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  • Wow. Pretty much the best post ever made in The Flood.
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  • I dont claim to own any characters that aren't mine. Chapter 2 Ok, so, its been one day since Triangle Man was executed. The skys natural color was turned back blue, and the Detective was on his lunch break with his bestest friend, Taylor. "So then I said, 'Sally, why would you do something like that to me? Why Sally? Huh? Huh? Sally?''' The Detective was telling the funny story to Taylor who listened with about as much interest as a vegetarian with a nice big beefy steak held under his or her nose. "Uumm, is that it? Or are you going to keep telling me about Sally and how she made you forget where you put your hammock?" "Yeah thats it. But wait, first I must order us some PIE!" "LIKEOMGWTFBBQNOODLES! I HEART PIE!" "LIKEOMGNOWAYDUDEME2PIEROXMYMUTHA-blam!-SOCKS!" "W00T!" So after they had there Pie they walked across the street and saw a sign. WORT WORT WORT! SOMEONE ATE ALL THE PIE IN KELSINGTON NOOOOOOO! IF YOU FIND WHO DID IT THEN YOU GET A FREE PIE! WOR WORT WORT! NOOOOOO WHERES THE PIE! After reading the sign, Taylor and the Detective were disturbed. "Thats absurd, ridiculous, insane, abnormal, paranormal, crazy, disturbing, shocking, AHOY,Bohemian Rhapsody, inhuman, and rude! Our cities pies are our joy! If someone eats all our pie then we get like..totally....bummed....dude." The detective shouted. He walked over to the nearest Galloping Gorhart. Galloping Gorharts are basiclly trees but the people of Kelsington call them Galloping Gorharts because they think a pie will land on their heads if they do. A pie has never landed on someones head after calling a tree a Galloping Gohart. He leaned against the tree and went all emo. He looked as if he wanted to die. Taylor didnt look much different. He was used to eating every single pie he could get his hands on too. He was so fat, in fact, that he had to roll to school. Thats right, he layed down and rolled to school. he would sometimes run girls over and little cats also. but thats what happene when you eat all the pie you can get! And then, all at once, every single person in Kelsington fell down and got mad. the joy was gone. The pie was gone. There would be a war between the citizens. Everyone was a suspect... [Edited on 8/17/2006]
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  • lol, thats a great song, I know. But if you want more, I will post the second chapter sometime tomorrow, I don't know when, but sometime before...umm...before friday. Just check back here and keep it bumped...err...I mean, keep replying to the awesomeness of this story.
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  • That was... ...Interesting...-HH
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  • I declare it the greatest story involving insane triangle-men who eat pie!
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  • ok i read it... TRIANGLE MAN TRIANGLE MAN TRIANGLE MAN HATES PERSON MAN WHEN THEY FIGHT TRIANGLE WINS HES TRIANGLE MAN
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  • Wow. that was surprisingly entertaining to me believe it or not. I actually want to read more...seriousely. I'm not joking.
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  • You should, its quite an itneresting story, but wait untill the next few chapters, thats when things get really insane.
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  • guess what i didnt read it!
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