This is a very good story, great idea behind it.

This is pretty great so far, man. I'm also glad to hear you're still working on your other story. Keep it up, this has really got me interested in what happens next.

[i][b][u]Chapter 1[/u][/b][/i] Sebulus stood proud on the deck of the small fishing boat as it sailed over the smooth, shallow waters of Doisac's largest ocean, Galum. He and his cousin, Lebanus, had managed an unusually large catch today. The smooth-bottomed boat sailed cleanly over the small waves over the massive continental shelf. Galum's vast expanses of fresh water are, on average, only 5 meters deep. The sea floor exclusively consists of plateaus, except for a deep ravine in the center of it. Countless species of fish thrive in the crevasse, and the water is often crowded with fisherman. The fish that live there are massive, two or three times the size of Sebulus and his cousin. Sebulus was reliving the memory of his dive. He turned his head around to see the hulk of flesh that the duo had dragged onto the deck of the boat, it's skin covered in wounds from the underwater struggle that had occurred hours earlier. As he stared proudly at his catch, something in the sky caught his eye. A flaming streak arced across the emerging stars, seemingly growing larger and larger. Moments later, Sebulus's eyes widened with realization. "Lebanus!" He frantically called to his cousin, "Into the water! Now!" Confused, Lebanus followed his older cousin's command, and the two dove into the water as the flaming sphere crashed into the small boat, charred hunks of the fish thrown into the air. Sebulus watched in agony as his boat slammed into the ocean floor, propelled by the force of impact. The shockwave threw water away on all sides, creating enormous waves that were quickly smoothed by Doisac's strong gravity. Sebulus stared at the sinking chunks of flesh and metal, his business now laying at the bottom of the sea. His lifetime of training for deep dives allowing him to remain under the surface much longer than his cousin. He surfaced nearly 30 minutes later, neither spoke. They simply waited, drifting, as darkness crept in. ------- "Groban," Dorandus called his son's attention, "was there a question you had for your mother?" The young Jiralhanae's eyes lit up as he remembered the trip to see his uncle in orbit. He opened his mouth to speak, but an alert interrupted him. Dorandus quietly apologized, and left the room to answer the call. "Dorandus?" A gruff voice quizzed. "Marcenus, you know I have dinner with my family." Dorandus answered, slightly angered by the interruption. "What is it?" "I'm sorry, Dorandus, but there's something big. We need you to help quarantine a section of Galum. There's been an impact." "Yes, I saw it earlier, why do we need to quarantine a meteorite?" "It isn't a meteorite, Dorandus. I can't explain now, just get to the station." Intrigued by his colleague's claim, Dorandus's curiosity got the better of him. "Alright, Marcenus, I'm leaving now." He ended the call, and returned to the dinner table. "I'm sorry, but I have to go in to work." "Ah, the life on an Enforcer!" His wife exclaimed. "Nothing too dangerous this time, I hope?" "You need not worry, I'll be back in one piece. Groban, take care of your mother while I'm gone." He gave a quick smile, and left to the station. ------- Sebulus payed no attention to the flashing lights of the Enforcers. His life's work was destroyed. His boat, his business, his life, all destroyed. He drifted in the water until the Enforcers pulled him onto a boat. The other Enforcers had nearly pulled the blackened hulk of melted boat that had fused around the 'meteorite' from the water. Whatever the object was, it was massive, at least with the boat around it, and a pair of cranes had to be taken to the location. Darkness had set in, and only the lights of the boats provided visibility as the indistinguishable shape was lifted between the short, tough cranes. A small boat positioned itself next to the hulk, and a pair of Enforcers began to saw into the metal. Sparks rocketed away from the saw blades and hit the water in bursts of steam, creating a thick cloud behind the working Jiralhanae. One of the blades caught, and the momentum of the blade's rotation caused it to fly from the Enforcer's hands, and into the shallow sea. Confused, the other Jiralhanae stopped his saw, and then quickly resumed, dismissing it as a weird accident. His saw soon did the same. Both saws had stopped when they reached a certain depth into the metal. "Perhaps the metal of the object is too dense for the saws." Dorandus suggested, intrigued as to what lay within the metal shell. "We need more saws!" the Enforcer yelled. The two were quickly provided with new equipment, and took care not to cut too deep. A square panel was quickly cut off and dropped into the water. A dark circle, fringed with polished metal was revealed. The circle looked to be glass, but it was much too strong. There seemed to be a series of concentric circles etched into it, but none of the internal components were visible through the window. "What is this?" Dorandus asked, "A Satellite?" "No," Marcenus answered, "This is definitely not of Jiralhanae design." "Are you telling me that this is from another planet?" Dorandus whispered to his partner, flustered at the thought. "Indeed it is. This may be first contact, Brother, this is alien." ------- Mendicant Bias's Rage rebooted. The force of impact had caused him to temporarily go offline, his sensors and circuits reeling from the collision with Doisac. Rage quickly ran a diagnostic, checking all of his vital components for any damage. Once those were clear, he ran a similar test on all of his other functions. He was alarmed to see that many functions were missing entirely, but remembered that they belonged to the other pieces of him. He ran a sonar burst, undetectable by most living creatures, it enabled him to survey his surroundings before activating his optic sensor, which may alarm any native life. To his surprise, he was enclosed in something metallic, only a square window allowing him to have a small glimpse of what lay ahead of him. Seeing no movement, Rage decided that it was safe to activate his 'eye', and get his first glimpse of the beginning of his malefic plan. ------- Argonus was across the room from the object, which the Enforcers had named 'the Rock', busily engaged in trying to determine the metal that it was constructed from. The element did not exist on Doisac, and was incredibly dense. Not even the strongest material on the planet could do more than make a faint scratch. The tiny particle of the metal that had managed to be scraped off showed an element with ten times the number of protons than had previously been thought possible. Argonus was so involved in his work, he almost didn't notice the red glow behind him. He turned around, and saw that the Rock had seemingly come to life, it's previously dark circle now a fiery red. The Jiralhanae scientist was frozen in his tracks, the enormity of the moment too much for him to handle. His legs wobbled and gave out, he fell, hitting his head, hard, on the edge of the table, denting it severely as he lost consciousness. ------- Rage chuckled at the life-form. He knew that others would undoubtedly come to help him, and turned his eye back off, listening for them intently. After nearly an hour, he heard a handful of distinguished voices, each speaking to each other. Rage recorded everything, learning the language, bit-by-bit, so that he could communicate with the creatures, which the Forerunner records named Jiralhanae. [i]Jiralhanae,[/i] The artificial mind thought, [i]You will be the first step of my revenge. You will fall, and I will make useless my creators' work.[/i] The beauty of his plan amused him, the simplicity of the Jiralhanae's nature was going to work nicely. Once he could speak with them, he could get to work. It would take time to destroy this planet, but Rage was fine with time. He had waited a long time for this, and a series of events was finally set in motion. ------ This was a pretty short chapter, but I had to get some of the ideas out of my head. In case you didn't get it, the Enforcers are basically the Jiralhanae's police force, only they are also the military force. You may also notice that the temperament of the Brutes is different than what you know from the games and books. Don't worry, it will all be explained in due time. As I said earlier, It may be a while before this really gets rolling, as I am also working on [url=http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=48303195&postRepeater1-p=1]Streams of Fire[/url], but if you like it so far, or if you like Streams of Fire, you shouldn't be disappointed.

I like this. Very much. I also like how you show a lighter side of the brutes, not that agressive war like side we have seen to many times in stories. Original idea, keep it coming! ALso, Im honoured, your inspired by me!

Oh lawdy, this looks cool.