Optimism- There exists a time setting on the microwave at which all of the kernels will pop, yet none will burn. We just havent found it yet.
Pessimism- Every kernel could be partially unpopped so I will chew very slowly
Stoicism- If you bite down on an unpopped kernel, you can't show any sign of pain on your face
Aestheticism- Does popcorn require seasoning?
Nihilism- There is no popcorn
Cynicism- If you dont eat it out if the bag, you're a -blam!-
Communism- Popcorn should be shared equally among the group, but secretly no one is happy with amount they got
Capitalism- Take as much as you can by making a basket with your shirt, there aint enough for everyone!
Atheism- The popcorn popped itself
Theism- Popcorn was created by the magic popcorn man in the sky, now every Thursday is movie night in his honor
Confucianism- If you dont provide popcorn for your family you have failed as a person
Metaphysical reductionism- These molecules taste good
Platonism- There exists an ideal popcorn kernel
Antinatalism- We should ask the popcorn for consent before we pop it
Mind-body dualism- There is a metaphysical aspect of the corn that makes it taste a certain way
Transitivity of identity- The kernel stays the same kernel when it is popped
Nationalism- Orvile Redenbacher is the best brand and I will go to war with anyone who disagrees
-Panzer I
Idk what this is, but I got bored while eating popcorn. Feel free to suggest more philosophies, I'd be happy to add them.
English
#Offtopic
-
Humanism- in each kernel, thwre is the potential to become the fluffiest and most flavorful of all popped corns. Alas, so few will be popped properly due to the impersonal heating of the microwave.