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originally posted in: Message From the Lost
2/2/2022 2:17:05 AM
2
Ooooh, it's one of them audio logs of a dead guy! I always thought these were cool, mostly in videogames, to have an alternate plot movimg alongside the main. Lotta potential in these, in the context of a greater story. I liked what you did with the bone pain, a good indicator of how far nikolai has fallen, but i would like to see his language support that measurement. If i may offer a tip: try shifting your tone a little bit more for each section of the story. These types of stories work best when you can feel the slow desperation, madness, or whatever change you're trying to emphasize grow with each new section. A good little trick you can do to try to create this gradual descent of your character is to think about what they care about/focus on for each stage of their journey. Your character is a scientist, so, for the starting logs, i'd imagine he's concerned with how/why processes occur, but, as his humanity slowly melts away, he's going start focusing more and more on the physical pain he feels/his lonliness. Oh, and, since you're doing audio logs, you could also throw in little details of the log picking up other noises: gunfire, the calls of strange Aether creatures echoing in the distance, the moans of zombies skulking about. It's a cool way to indirectly show off your setting and prompt your character to talk about different topics.
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