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originally posted in: A Return to the Earth Below
2/1/2022 4:50:07 PM
5
The dialogue & fight scenes were both great, and had me hooked, but I will admit I was a bit confuzzled where they were most of the time. Granted, I only woke up an hour ago, so I may still be drowsy. I know they were walking as they talked, and that the fight took place as they pushed forwards, but I never really had a good sense of what the rooms looked like in either case, so that could use some work. That’s the only thing that stuck out as needing work, though. I really enjoyed the various aspects of Nil hanging around her. I know they were intended as hallucinations or something similar, but it reminded me of Ajna from Indivisible, who literally carries actual people around in her head. It’s a really charming dynamic, because the protag just takes all their allies with them, so they can comment on literally anything that happens, having conversations about things like, for instance, the van exploding without actually needing to follow. I dig it.
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  • The fight took place in a hallway between the meeting room and an elevator lobby reception area type deal. I thought about describing it more but figured hallway was vague enough for theater of the mind to fill in. Balen only left his seat to pull her to cover, then stayed at the side of the meeting room door. In that first conversation Nil just moves to the other side of the door before advancing alone. I was worried the other not Nil's were too much but folks seemed to like them so yay! Overall I think this is my favorite thing I've written and posted here and I definitely like focusing my characters abilities more on using dead things and being a dead thing.

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  • Oh, was Balen not in the crypt with them? I thought the conversation started there, then moved to a meeting room. Maybe I was more tired than I thought. :p But yeah, I liked the Not Nils. I’m kind of a dialogue nut, so the more dialogue the better, and carrying your whole party with you is a great way to insert more dialogue. As I said, it reminded me of Ajna, and when I first saw Ajna I totally wanted to rip off her powers, because they were so great! The same can be said here!

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  • Nah, there's also lost time on top of hallucinations!

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  • Ah, I see it, now. I can also see how I got confused; that transition was very sudden, and jarring. That was probably the intention, though. :p

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  • It twas indeedly

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