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Edited by The Watcher: 7/28/2016 5:41:59 PM
46

To the guy who was driving 105...

A major part of America is our vehicles. Millions of vehicles are driven everyday in America to get to point B to point A, and back to C again. Safe driving and correct driving education allows Americans to have such a privilege. To start, let's look at some safety tips: • Always give yourself the right of way at an intersection of any kind. After you go, everyone else will. • Follow the latter rule when it comes to pedestrians too. If they're in the way, do a serpentine (emergency swerve) movement. • Fast driving and racing is encouraged. It helps drivers get used to their cars and know how to control them better. • when you see any emergency vehicle, you must follow it to its destination. Once it's s reached the destination, do a burnout and continue on your way. • when you see anybody directing traffic, honk your horn and turn on your hazards for exactly 347 feet • The yellow lines on the road are for decoration and to indicate the lanes. The same goes for white lines. • When parking in a lot, take up as much space as possible with your vehicle. Parking in the 3 spots is customary. When parking on a road, highway, or curb: always leave all of your doors wide open.*leave wipers on max speed setting to indicate you are parked. When someone in front or behind you turns on their blinkers, they are always asking you to move in the direction of the blinker, you must do so. SIGNS AND LIGHTS: • Red means fire, so when you see a red light on a car or intersection light, stop your car, drop everything, and roll. • Yellow means lemon. If you see a yellow light on anything, act sour and grumpy. • Green means grass. If you see a green light anywhere, prepare for changing terrain ahead. • all orange signs are public attractions, you can drive to these locations and watch people dig, shovel, and other sorts of manual labor. • all neon yellow signs mean speed up, especially the one that say school crossing. • all normal yellow signs, no matter the picture on it, mean to drive very aggressively. Every normal yellow sign means 5 miles of aggressive driving minimum. • all white signs mean to swerve wildly through all lanes of traffic for 2 miles. *the only exception is speed limit signs. These signs indicate you need to drive at least 80 mph faster than the posted speed. If it has two speeds, add them up and divide by the number of digits to get the special speed limit. • green signs tell you where places are. But there is a rule for green signs: when you see one, you must use your emergency brake to drift sideways in a straight line for 250 feet, and then return to normal driving. This will help other drivers and blind drivers know that there is a green sign or signs. • Blue signs show you brands or organizations sponsored by an exit. When you see these, throw money of any kind out of the window. Edit: Thanks for the comments guys, tell me if you want more. I have some other satire I can share here too.
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