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8/7/2005 7:04:32 PM

Elites Have Taken My Baby! (the full story)

Part 1 I looked in the kitchen cupboard and it wasn't there! I looked everywhere, until I found a huge hole in the wall in my living room with a little note on top of the rubble. It said, "Wort wort wort! We've taken your baby to raise as our own! Try and stop us human scum!" As soon as I read it, that meant big trouble for the Elites. I ran downstairs with the determination of a million mothers combined into some kind of super mother, or father, and prepared fight for my baby whether it ends up taking my life! I went over to the couch, and reached under the cushion for the secret button . I pressed it, and my T.V suddenly transforms into a huge gun rack with every gun you can imagine! Oh, and there was a lot of ammo too. From M60's to Potatoe Guns, I had it all. The trouble was, which one would fit the job best? After many an hour, I finally figured that I should bring the Potatoe Gun and a few cans of hairspray just incase things get messy. After that it was a quick trip to Safeway to pick up a couple of bags of potatoes and I was off, searching for the dasterdly fiends that dared to steal my property and think they could get away with it! Part 2 As I speed through the dark country road on my rocket propelled monkey, one would wonder how I knew where to go. Luckily, I had some awesome sensor thing that could pick up the smallest traces of plasma in the air and luckily, the elites left plenty for me to follow. Hours and hours I traveled, up and down steep highways, trees wooshing by my head at high speed. Eventually when the sun finally came up, the trail stopped right outside a McDonalds. There in the window I saw the elites! They were eating happy meals and drinking coffee, most likely discussing today's economy and it's effect on the world. I promptly got off my monkey and pulled out my Potato Gun. I stuffed the first potatoe down the long tube, and then opened the blast chamber to spray the hair spray in. I closed it all up and aimed straight for the front window. With a flick of the ignitor, "BOOM!" went the gun and out the potato shot at three times the speed of sound. The potato shattered the glass and took out the Elite reading the newspaper. I reloaded and fired again at the surprised collegue just pulling out his Plasma Rifle. "BAM!" went the gun and he exploded into a million little puppies, floating through the air barking cheerfully. Suddenly I realised, who cares about the baby? A puppie would be a lot cooler! So I went inside, picked up a puppy and some fries, and headed home. Part 3 Well, it wasn't quite over yet. The thing about those puppies was that they were pure evil. After all, what puppy wouldn't be if it was blown out of an elite? Anyway, little did I realise it had red eyes which is an obvious sign of evilness. When I finally got home, I let the puppy run inside as I parked the monkey. Since the puppy was evil, he somehow knew where I kept my guns. As I walked inside, there was the little Labrador Retriever holding a Mac 10. I stopped in my tracks, utterly horrified at what stood before me. "Stop human!" It said in a low, strong voice. "If you come one more step I'll end your life here and now!" "What do you want?" I replied frantically. "Why, your soul! And some chew toys, but your soul is more imporant!" This is when I had enough. "You want my soul huh? Come and take it!" With my witty punchline, I rolled to the side and picked up a banana lying on my carpet. "Take that!" I yelled as I threw the banana at the demon dog. I caught the dog off gaurd, but in no time he recovered. "Bam bam bam bam!" blared the Mac 10 as the dog fired at me racing for cover. I hid behind a rose vase at the other side of the living room. Good thing it was bullet proof, or I'd be toast. This gave me time to think of a strategy to smite the Demon Puppy. After a few seconds it hit me. Orange peels! Their citrusy bitterness would surely send that dog back to the depths of hell where it belonged. "Come out and fight me like a man, after all I'm just a puppy!" Teased the demonic being of hades. I ran into the kitchen and grabbed a knife. I opened the refrigerator, grabbed an orange, and peeled like my life depended on it. Just as I finished, I turned around to go back and fight but, "Stop. Now I have you just where I need you." said the dog molevelently. "You'll never get my soul, I'm pretty sure I can gaurantee that!" I stated somewhat scared. "You shall die!" "Bam bam bam bam", the dog fired, but the bullets didn't hit me! This was so because just as he fired, I threw the peels into the air and with all of their citrusy bitterness, they deflected the bullets right to the dog! "Nooooo!" Screamed the dog as he fell to his own fire. "Hahahaha, oh the tables have turned!" With that I ran back outside and got my potato gun to finish him off. The demon puppy was still alive, just disabled. I had to finish the job. "Time to go back to where you belong, Satan Puppy. You really think you could defeat the mighty Lellow?" "Hahaha, you fool. Can't you see how stupid you are? I'm not the only one, the rest of my brethren are already assimilating your town as we speak. Soon it will be the world! You will never win! Hahahahahah!" Before he could finish laughing I fired the potato and finished the job. "I've got a lot of work to do." Part 4 [i] the final part [/i] I remounted my monkey and sped off to Safeway for extra ammo because I had a lot of work ahead of me. News reports from radios and television blared everywhere I went, people boarding up their windows and preparing for the worst. The main attack was being held just north of the McDonalds where they all came from, up in NewSmellsville. Luckily, none of the dogs had any guns, but their teeth and claws were deadly nonetheless. When I finally arrived on the scene it was total chaos. Puppies travelling the streets in huge packs, flipping cars and chasing pedestrians. The local police didn't have a chance, they were already boarded up in the station taking heavy casualities from the puppy army. I immediately dismounted my monkey and loaded the cannon, ready for anything. "There's the human which killed our master! Take his soul!" Shreaked all the puppies, suddenly all coming after me. I flicked the switch and took at the first front runners that got too close. After that, I loaded two more to break up the pack. it worked, and I was narrowing their numbers. Unfortunately there were too many for me to fend off so I fleed to the closest telephone booth. I figured out a way to finally rid the world of the puppy menace before they totally destroyed my phone booth. I called up Florida Natural Orange Juice and told them to bring as many gallons of the stuff as possible to the fire department. I alerted the fire department to load all the orange juice into their trucks and come to my location. "Kill the human, we shall feast on his soul!" The puppies chanted, I knew I had to get out of their fast. "BAM!" Went my cannon into the biggest bunch near me. It shattered a hole in the phone booth, and gave me some time to get away from the confused mass of canine evil. Since I had no where else to go, wating for the fire trucks with orange juice was my only chance for survival. I climbed up on a car and shouted, "Come and get me you little balls of furry evilness!" Minutes passed like seconds as I fired one potato after another into their ranks, desperately trying to stay alive in time for help to arrive. Finally,"Wee woo wee woo wee woo!" The trucks were coming, and sure enough a whole caravan came down the street, ready to finally end the terror. "Fire!" I yelled and the cannons opened up with as much ferocity as a typhoon, drowning the thousands of dogs bent my destruction. "Nooo! How could he know our weakness? Ahhhhhhhhhhh....." yelled one of the puppies being washed away in the torrent of orange citrusy liquid. "Huzzah! Huzzah for fruit!" I yelled, a chorus of huzzahs answered me as pedestrians flooded the streets, knowing the threat no longer existed. That's how I saved the world, and that's how I defeated the Elites that ultimately took my Pam (i.e baby) away. THE END!
#Offtopic #Flood

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