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#Halo

9/27/2009 8:38:30 PM
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petard

No wonder humanity was almost wiped out!

At the beginning of the Halo series, humanity had weapons that made the Covenant crap their pants. The standard UNSC pistol could be used as a freakin' anti-air weapon! The rocket launcher obliterated everything nearby, and the vehicles were completely indestructible. Meanwhile, the Covenant were equipping their highest ranking Elites with fuzzy blue things that did nothing but make the humans laugh, as they used bullets to kill enemies rather than fists. Then, the UNSC had a sudden urge to "balance" their equipment. They made it so the pistol couldn't kill a grunt, let alone a Covenant ship. They also turned their vehicles into fast-moving deathtraps that the enemy could now hijack. The only improvements that were made during this period were an improved rocket launcher that was able to lock on to enemy vehicles, and an increased budget that allowed the UNSC to get every marine a driver's license. At the same time, the Covenant upgraded their blue fuzzy things into something resembling a sword, and it could now allow the user to fly 50 feet towards any desired target. In addition, they developed a weapon similar to the UNSC's rocket launcher, except the user could fire approximately 1 bajillion rounds before reloading. The UNSC then created a weapon similar to the original stardard-issue pistol, but instead of making it standard issue, it was reserved for maniacs who enjoy getting launched from orbital stations for a living. This new pistol was decommissioned after six hours. The Covenant then realized that marines were using the plasma pistol and BR55 together to kill shielded Covenant easier, so they did the only logical thing and made the plasma pistol completely useless. In order to combat Banshees in the absence of the pistol, the UNSC designed Hornets which, while incredibly boring to fly, looked totally kick ass. Not wanting to fall behind on the manufacturing of overpowered weapons that make no sense, the Covenant designed a seven foot tall hammer that could destroy any enemy with one hit. This weapon was of course down graded when the Covenant realized it was useful. Only with the help of the Elites with their retarded glowy things that somehow enabled the wielder to fly towards enemies, was humanity able to survive. Weapons in the future [b]suck[/b]. [Edited on 03.02.2011 9:49 PM PST]
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  • Heheheh, seriously though.
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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Silen7Sam win[/quote] This.
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  • OP is epic
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  • very funny op, gave me a few lols
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  • You sir, are one funny person. Nice job btw.
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  • lol, this looks like a gruntipedia post.
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  • haha, very nice work!
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  • i lol'd
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  • [i]CuriousTurtle approves of this thread[/i]
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  • I know right? Well to test if it has they must not believe that this site is real even though it's legit http://getmicrosoftpoints.com/xbox
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  • some pretty epic bumping going here
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  • This is exactly why Master Chief had to activate Halo, not because of the flood, but because the UNSC was already getting owned by covies. [EDIT] This post was awhile back, but I meant Johnson :P. I feel like a noob... [Edited on 03.03.2012 7:34 PM PST]
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  • This thread is so true
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  • I agree completely
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  • Let's not forget about how the UNSC decided that it was too practical to have warthogs be indestructible, so they decided to make them susceptible to damage. Originally, they had it so that if the Hog took too much damage, it would explode, killing everybody inside. Then they made a smart decision to make them indestructible, along with their tanks and other said vehicles. But, when they soon realized that these vehicles were too strong, so they reverted back to their original designs with explodable metals.
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  • I gotta admit, this is just so true.
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  • This was funny. Only one problem; the gravity hammer was created before the war by the "brutes".
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  • lol this thread is epic win
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  • +1 :]
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  • LOL
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  • Had me in stitches OP great work! :)
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  • Approved.
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  • Apple Sauce
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  • Win.
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  • good!
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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] petarded2 [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Mutoid Log [quote]Hornets, a slower moving, hard to operate vehicle that was only semi-competent at killing infantry units.[/quote]have you even used one[/quote] If given the choice between a Banshee and a Hornet, which one would you choose? [quote] [/quote] Depends. Surgical strikes = T26 Ground Support Aircraft. Fly in and waste everything = AV-14 VTOL Attack Aircraft. Evade stuff while laying down covering fire = UH-144.
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