A Hunter, Titan, and Warlock are sitting at a table. The Titan, a Sunbreaker, is seriously wounded, and has a broken arm and leg. The Warlock, a Stormcaller, is in perfect health, and is sitting as calm as can be. The Hunter is pacing around the table, thinking deeply about what should be nerfed next. [b]Hunter:[/b] Let's see, I just got killed by a sniper... he must have been relying on that aim assist crutch! NERF SNIPER AIM ASSIST BUNGIE, OMFG!!!! [b]Warlock:[/b] Oh, will you just shut it already! Look at poor Jim over here. [i]Points at Titan.[/i] He can barely move from what your constant bickering did to him. [b]Titan:[/b] Need... super... energy... [b]Hunter:[/b] Don't even bother, Jim. Now you know how us Hunters, the master race, felt when you b*tched and complained about Bladedancers for a whole year. [b]Titan:[/b] Please... no more... nerfs... [b]Warlock:[/b] Okay, maybe the Sunbreaker was a little OP, but that doesn't mean every other piece of equipment in the damn game needs to be nerfed along with it! [b]Hunter:[/b] Oh crap! Bungie is about to buff auto rifles by... 7%! Oh no, that can't happen. [i]grabs phone.[/i] [b]Warlock:[/b] What the hell are you doing? [b]Hunter:[/b] Hey, Xur! I have a job for you. [b]Xur:[/b] It is my will to speak to you. [b]Hunter:[/b] You know that 7% buff to medium RoF Auto Rifles due this Tuesday? [b]Xur:[/b] I think the cells of this body are dying... [b]Hunter:[/b] Move the decimal point to the left a bit! [b]Xur:[/b] My will is not my own... [b]Hunter:[/b] [i]hangs up.[/i] Weird guy... well, I just prevented a possible OP weapon buff. What's next? Let's see, I forgot to mention something... was it handcannons? No, they got nerfed ages ago... Ah, yes, Stormcaller!! [b]Warlock:[/b] What the hell!? I'm perfectly balanced!!! [b]Hunter:[/b] THAT GUY JUST KILLED ME FROM WAY TOO FAR AWAY!!! IT'S SO OP!!! [b]Warlock:[/b] I'm not overpowered, what the hell is wrong with you? [b]Hunter:[/b] ANOTHER ONE JUST KILLED ME! WHY IS IT SO OP!!! [b]Warlock:[/b] Shut up! Please stop, Bungie might hear you! [b]Hunter:[/b] [i]pulls out megaphone[/i]. STORMTRANCE IS WAY TOO OVERPOWERED. PLEASE NERF THEM BUNGIE, NERF THEM!!! [i]The Titan, unnoticed to this point, suddenly turns from bright orange to light blue. His broken limbs heal themselves, and he stands up vigorously. [/i] [b]Hunter:[/b] Jim, did you just switch subcla- [i]drops megaphone.[/i] OH SH*T!! [i]The Titan shoulder-charges the Hunter, sending him flying into the wall.[/i] [b]Titan:[/b] YOU... WILL NOT... NERF... MY FRIEND!! [i]The Titan activates his Fist of Havoc, demolishing the Hunter, and the entire wall behind him.[/i] [b]Warlock:[/b] Why... why did you do that? [b]Titan:[/b] You don't know the pain I've been through these past few days. I - I don't want you to share the same fate. [i]The Hunter respawns next to the Titan.[/i] [b]Hunter:[/b] What the hell jus- wait, that was a Fist of Panic!!!! BUNGIE, NERF THE STRIKER! [b]Warlock:[/b] Their super wasn't even buffed, dipsh*t. [b]Hunter:[/b] I don't care!! THEY'RE SO OP!!! [b]Titan:[/b] What if everything you ever wanted... [b]Warlock & Hunter:[/b] ????? [b]Titan:[/b] WAS TO KICK SHIT IN THE FACE!? FOREVER! [b]Warlock:[/b] What in the hell are you talking about? [b]Titan:[/b] [b]THEN YOU NEED [u]PEREGRINE GREAVES!!![/u][/b] [i]Titan jumps in the air, then rams his knee into the Hunter's face.[/i] [b]Warlock:[/b] Why does he always brag about those damn things? Edit: Sorry to any Hunters I may have offended. I actually main a Hunter myself, lol. Edit 2: This is now my most popular post I've ever created. Thank you guys for all the comments! A few people took this way too seriously, but most people reacted positively. Believe me, I didn't intent to start a class war. I like all classes equally, and again, sorry to any Hunters that thought I was serious. Edit 3: We just broke 200 replies! I've seen a lot of people requesting a Part 2, so I might try to write one today! Edit 4: As requested: [b][i][u]HERE IS PART 2.[/u][/i][/b] [spoiler] A few days have passed since Jim The Titan's "demonstration" of the Peregrine Grieves, and the Hunter is recovering in The Last City Memorial Hospital with a broken jaw. Even though they don't particularly like him, Titan and Warlock decide to go see their rather whiny acquaintance. [i]Outside of the room[/i] [b]Warlock:[/b] Man... you really got him good with that knee, didn't you? [b]Titan:[/b] Well, I had Brawler, Airborne, and Arc Burn active at the same time, so he didn't stand a chance. [b]Warlock:[/b] I wonder if he has... you know... [b]Titan:[/b] Stopped crying for nerfs? What, are you crazy? It'd be easier for me to get a 320 primary from Oryx than to stop him from complaining. [b]Warlock:[/b] Well, I'd like to think a knee to the side of the head would change his mind! [i]Warlock and Titan enter the room, and Hunter is on the phone.[/i] [b]Hunter:[/b] Xur, are you even listening to me? THE SHOTGUNS ARE STILL OP!!!! You have nerfed those things so many damn times already, and I'm STILL GETTING KILLED ACROSS THE MAP BY THEM!!!! For the love of the Traveler, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!! [b]Xur:[/b] My movements are to a significant degree dependent on planetary alignments. [b]Hunter:[/b] WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT EVEN FUC- [b]Warlock:[/b] Hey, Hunter! How are you doing, buddy! [b]Hunter:[/b] Okay, Xur, I'll call you back!Maybe you won't be high on cocaine next time I call you!! [i]Slams phone onto the ground.[/i] Well, hello there, if it isn't Emperor Palpatine!!! What the hell do you want, I'm very busy! [b]Warlock:[/b] I wanted to see how you were doing. You got knocked out pretty hard the other day. [b]Hunter:[/b] Tell me about it!!! I swear, if I ever see Jim agai- [i]Hunter sees Titan standing behind Warlock.[/i] YOU!!!! [i]Hunter pulls out a Golden Gun.[/i] [b]Warlock:[/b] [i]Warlock stands between Hunter and Titan.[/i] Woah, calm down!!!!! No one needs to die in a f***ing hospital! [b]Hunter:[/b] I SWEAR I WILL PULL THE TRIGGER!!!! [i]Golden gun disappears.[/i] Wait... WHY DID IT GO AWAY SO FAST?!?! [b]Titan:[/b] You're using the Achlyophage Symbiote. They nerfed the GG duration with the helmet equipped. [b]Hunter:[/b] WHY THE HELL DID BUNGIE DO THAT?!?! I DON'T REMEMBER ANYONE COMPLAINING ABOUT THAT!!! [b]Warlock:[/b] Wait... there's something in this game that you DON'T want nerfed? [b]Hunter:[/b] Well... no, I didn't mean it like... but... [i]Hunter breaks into tears.[/i] [i]Warlock and Titan share uncomfortable looks, perplexed as to why Hunter is crying.[/i] [b]Titan:[/b] Are... you okay, man? [b]Hunter:[/b] [i]Still crying.[/i] It's so hard having to get everything nerfed all the time! Anytime I get Bungie to nerf something, they have to go and - and BUFF SOMETHING ELSE!!! [b]Warlock:[/b] [i]Pats Hunter on the back.[/i] There, there. It'll be okay. [b]Titan:[/b] You know... there's a way to end the cycle, Hunter. [b]Hunter:[/b] Wha - what is it? [b]Titan:[/b] Just stop crying for more nerfs! Accept the game the way it is, and let Bungie nerf and buff things the way they see fit! [b]Hunter:[/b] [i]Blows nose with his cloak.[/i] You - think that'll work? [b]Titan:[/b] I'll bet my life on it - so long as Warlock has Light Beyond Nemesis... [i]Doctor walks in.[/i] [b]Doctor:[/b] Well, it seems like you have made a full recovery, Hunter. You are free to go decrypt engrams, have dance parties, jump off the Tower... Whatever the hell you Guardians are doing these days! I don't see how the city is still safe with you Guardians f***ing around this past year. Hell, you're RACING SPARROWS, FOR THE TRAVELER'S SAKE!!! Why don't you just lay down your weapons and tell the Darkness, WE'RE TOO F***ING LAZY TO ACTUALLY KILL YOU GUYS, SO WE'RE GOING TO RACE LAPS AROUND YOUR TERRITORY SO WE CAN UNLOCK NEW HORNS!!!! [i]Doctor throws his clipboard against the wall, then leaves.[/i] [i]Hunter, Warlock, and Titan all stand in silence.[/i] [b]Hunter:[/b] You know... we haven't killed Atheon in a long time... you wanna take a trip to Venus? [b]Warlock:[/b] Hell yeah! NOW we're talkin'! [b]Titan:[/b] I'll rock the Defender class! [b]Warlock:[/b] I got self-revive! [b]Hunter:[/b] I have Gunslinger with Celestial Nighthawk! [b]Hunter, Titan, & Warlock:[/b] LET'S GO!!! [i]All three classes forget their differences, jump into their ships, and fly away. [/i] [/spoiler] Edit 5: The post is dying down in popularity, so I'd just like to say thanks for all the Guardians that left all of the positive comments! This was the first popular post I have ever made on this forums, and to everyone that gave me support, thank you guys a whole bunch! I had a blast making the two stories, so I might try to make more in the future! Edit 6: Only a couple of hours after the last edit, and we're trending again! Looks like this post isn't done making Guardians smile! Edit 7: Part 3 is coming soon! I would write it right now, but I'm really tired at the moment, so I'm going to write it in the morning when my brain is actually functioning!