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7/22/2005 4:09:52 PM

Billy and the Attack of the Gun Toting Money!

One fine evening Billy was eating some paint chips when Grandma called his name from downstairs. "Billy Stop eating the wall! Oh, and something came in the mail for you!" Billy rushed down the stairs, tripped and fell the rest of the way, but was too excited to stop and tend to his injuries. "Yippie!" Billy cried. A huge box sat upon the table that kept shaking! "Open the damn thing before it breaks the -blam!- table." "Screw you -blam!-!" Billy responded lovingly to his Grandma. Billy took the machete Grandma was about to stab him with and hastily cut the tape and opened the box. The packing foam started to shake and stir, then suddenly a Capuchan monkey toting two Mac 10s popped out of the box and landed on Grandma's table. "Get that bastard off the table before he -blam!-s all over the damn place!" Grandma said politely. Without another word, the monkey hopped to the ground, where he started busying himself with taking apart and cleaning the dual Mac 10's. "What's that bastard for?" Grandma whispered to Billy. "I won him online and used your credit card for the shipping." " You did what!?" yelled Grandma. With those words, Grandma picked up one of the Macs, cocked it, and mowed Billy down with extreme prejudice. The monkey became outraged that Grandma had the audacity to steal one of his weapons. "Ohh haa! Ha ha! Eee ee hooo!" Screeched the monkey in rage. "Oh yeah? What are you going to do about it, throw crap at me?" Said Grandma threateningly. Before Grandma finished, the monkey jumped backwards (in slow motion) and shot at Grandma, she blocked the bullets (also in slow motion) with the machete and Billy's mangled corpse. Grandma flipped the table and threw the machete at the monkey who just dodged it as it stuck in the wall behind him. The monkey shot threw the table, but Grandma was ready for it. She jumped and flipped threw the air landing right behind the unfortunate monkey. Grandma pulled the machete out of the wall with a skillful flick of the wrist and decapitated the monkey all in one motion. "Hahahaha! All those years in Barber College sure paid off!" Grandma exclaimed triumphantly. Suddenly, there was a ticking noise. It was coming from inside the monkey! "What the hell is that noise?" Grandma thought. Shelooked down at the monkey and it dawned on her. He was going to self destruct! Before she had time to react, BOOM! The nuke inside the monkey goes off and destroys everything within a five mile radius. THE END!
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