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6/18/2004 10:23:02 AM
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Funniest "One Liner", do you have what it takes?

This thread is to see who can say the funniest one liners... The only reward is the satisfaction that you are mega funny. Lets see some funny One Liners!
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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Frag Master Dont mean to be racist but: "I'm about as frustrated as a crippled ethiopean watching a donut roll down a hill!"[/quote] I think you win.
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  • Dont mean to be racist but: "I'm about as frustrated as a crippled ethiopean watching a donut roll down a hill!"
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  • [quote]You know what's a joke? Women's rights[/quote] I think a funnier one is WNBA
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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Mr Homicide [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] CANNON 117 I love that movie.[/quote] THAT IS THE FUNNIEST ONE LINER EVER UTTERED BY MAN.[/quote] Yes. Now bow down to me or be smited by my powerful toes, -blam!-es.
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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] CANNON 117 I love that movie.[/quote] THAT IS THE FUNNIEST ONE LINER EVER UTTERED BY MAN.
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  • I love that movie.
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  • "this is bruce nolan for eyewitness news back to you -blam!-s"
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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] killingspree Mister you have something on your face.....no right there, to the left, yeah you got it... wait, that is your face :O funny?[/quote] That wasn't a "one-liner", it was a "one-and-three-quarters-liner".
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  • the best one liners in the world come from Full Metal Jacket [url]http://www.ebaumsworld.com/jacket1.html[/url]
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  • "When the going gets rough, quit." "If at first you don't succeed- destroy all evidence that you tried." Dad: WHY IS YOUR BROTHER LIKE THAT?!? COULD YOU PLEASE EXPLAIN!?!?!" Boy: Well you see, Doug is like a fax machine. You open up that little panel thing and you put paper in. But it only works if you have something to scan, and sometimes you get a busy signal. In that case, you have to press the "options and settings button", and if that doesnt work make sure that you didn't leave your coffee..."
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  • Mister you have something on your face.....no right there, to the left, yeah you got it... wait, that is your face :O funny?
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  • Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you voice your judgement, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
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  • "Hemeroids: The Other White Meat They plump when you cook em'!" lol that's one my friend T3stam3nt X made up.
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  • Cryptkeeper: I'm dead. GET IT? DEAD?! GWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Tales From The Crypt lol that one was kinda bad but hey, everyone at my work laughed at it. [Edited on 6/19/2004 5:33:55 AM]
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  • "Whoa, the new mexican restaraunt is ran by real mexicans" -My friend Brittany.
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  • twelve minutes of lickin', two minutes of stickin'.
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  • Here's another version teacher: Division is like carrying the pig over the hill student: Man division must be tough if you say it's like that your mom is at least 800 pounds. [Edited on 6/18/2004 10:04:15 PM]
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  • Weenie Head!
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  • teacher: Division is like carrying the pig over the hill to the slaughterhouse. student: Well why don't you just catapult the pig over since he'll die anyway? [Edited on 6/18/2004 9:59:07 PM]
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  • You people play sports like a bunch of retards trying to hump doorknobs..
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  • FOR SALE: Parachute,only used once, never been opened, small stain.
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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] tmone17 [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Ringer [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] tmone17 [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Ringer Here's one I use on my son when he is trying to stay up late and he asks "Would you tell me a story?" I respond - "Once upon a time - THE END"[/quote] Read to your kid you douche. Or hell grow up like you.[/quote] Mind your business. He would do well if he grew up as I have.[/quote] Yeah.... You dont even read to you kid. Reeeeeeeal good.[/quote] Question: Where did you read that I don't read to my kid? I'm sure my kid has more books (that he knows by heart) than you have brain cells. Now if you had truly read this post you would understand this. Nowhere did I type that he asks me to "read" him a story. I wrote that he asks me to tell him a story. If you had the ability to reproduce and the authorities actually allowed such a travesty, you may one day have a child of your own and would understand entirely the theme of my statement. As you are undoubtedly still on the Food Nipple yourself, I can't believe it slipped past your massive arsenal of deduction. What I am saying is that kids (such as yourself) do whatever it takes to stay up late. So in summary I will try to explain this so even you pimply faced knowitalldogooderstudentcouncilhonorroll types can understand it. After reading him his 5 books (one for each year he has been alive) he then asks me to "tell" him a story. After an hour of Winnie the Pooh, Arthur and Grimm, I can barely keep my own eyes open. So I tell him "Okay, Once upon a time - THE END! Now go to sleep!" Are we clear?
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  • Don't take this one the wrong way... You know what's a joke? Women's rights.
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  • my face [Edited on 6/18/2004 11:13:51 AM]
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  • Being in the car with my grandparents. haha. Grandma: Harvey! Get gas! you will run out! Grandpa: We won't run out of gas. Grandma: GET GAS!!! Grandpa: [b]I'll get gas when you get off my ass!!!![/b]
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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Ringer [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] tmone17 [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Ringer Here's one I use on my son when he is trying to stay up late and he asks "Would you tell me a story?" I respond - "Once upon a time - THE END"[/quote] Read to your kid you douche. Or hell grow up like you.[/quote] Mind your business. He would do well if he grew up as I have.[/quote] Yeah.... You dont even read to you kid. Reeeeeeeal good.
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