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8/15/2014 4:40:22 PM
3
Not gonna lie. It reads like it was written by a fairly average 15yr old - who's just taken their first creative writing course.
Much descriptive, many immersion.
Go read something popular in a similar genre, then copy the style of writing there.
Not a dig, good luck writing it. But having people who tell you it's "great" isn't going to help you at all. Which is all that's been happening in this thread.
English
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Edited by SKTCHWLKR: 8/19/2014 4:17:18 AMI'm pretty sure this deserves a bit more than a "15 yr old with his first writing class". If it wasn't for that comment I would have taken your crit a bit more seriously.
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Well Im sorry you didn't like it. I do appreciate your candour.
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Don't be sorry for someone not liking it. Having an idea is the first step to making something great. And if you want to make it great, I think the execution could be better. So if you want to make it better, do more research into writing and how people read written word. As long as you do that with an open mind, you should be able to make your story the best you can. Good luck.
