The second paragraph needs a complete rework. You used the word "they" too much. You could get a little more personal. "As the dragonfly sped towards the drop zone, the trainee soldiers checked their gear to make sure everything was in order." That one sentence could replace the entire paragraph except for the last sentence when they actually hit the drop zone. See what I mean? Please don't hate me for saying this though :[ [Edited on 05.27.2010 1:17 AM PDT]