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8/7/2005 4:26:27 AM
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New Story! Well, sorta.

I showed you the first two parts to this story a long time ago, and now I will show you the third part. Of course, they are short chapters so that you will feel more inclined to read all of them. Here is the first Chapter: Val and Kerry stepped off the bus into the big city. "Well," Val said quietly, "This is it...there's no turning back." Kerry laughed and gave him a playful shove, "Common big brother, you should be uplifting me." Val smiled, "Why Kerry...haven't you forgotten? We're twins!" Kerry shook her head, "You came out first...anyway, we aren't getting anything done standing here. Let's go." Val nodded, "Don't worry Kerry, we can do it." They grabbed hands and started down the street. Cravian Industries was a large company that focused on selling food, candy and clothing at very low prices. The owner had spent years building it up and seemed to always have enough resources. People often speculated as to how he got so much done, so soon, but no one minded very much, he was after all helping people. Val and Kerry were admitted to the owner's office. The man sitting behind the desk looked up from his papers and smiled warmly, "Ahh," he said standing up to greet them, "You must be the new recruits!" The twins nodded feeling relieved at the man's joyful disposition. He walked up and shook their hands, "My name is Mr. Cravias and I am so glad that you have come to work here...it is so hard to find good, honest folk in the city. You are just what this company needs." Val started mumbling but the owner cut him off, "Don't mumble like you're afraid. Speak up and tell me whatever you want to my face." Val nodded, "Yes sir, I just wanted to point out that we were only looking for jobs...minimum wage if you want. Just until we can get into the acting business." Mr. Cravias smiled, "Of course. Most people come to New York looking to get started in that. Don't worry, I will make sure you get off to a good start. Just stick with me kids and you will have all the resources you need to become great actors." The twins left the office feeling confident. Val looked over at Kerry and she smiled, "See Val? I told you everything would be alright." Val smiled, "Hey, I'm supposed to be the condescending sibling, remember?" Kerry laughed, "That's too bad...because you really suck at it." They walked down the hall laughing, feeling their troubles lessen and getting a sense of hope for the first time since entering New York. And here is chapter 2: It was a stormy day when the twins left the building, but they were happy that they would be working so soon and at such a great place. Then Val stopped, "Kerry...did you notice something weird about that?" Kerry shrugged, "Not really. Why?" Val looked back at the building, "Well...Mr. Cravias didn't exactly tell us what we were going to be doing...heck, I don't even know what kind of clothes or candy he sells." Kerry looked down thoughtfully, "You know, you're right. We should go back in and talk to him about that." Val nodded and they headed back into the building. Mr. Cravias was still sitting at his desk doing paperwork when they entered. He looked up and gave them that same, warm smile, "Hello again. Did you forget something?" Val frowned, "You did." Kerry punched him in the shoulder, "Show some respect for the boss." Val smiled, "Sorry, I just wondered what we would actually be doing....you know, our jobs?" Mr. Cravias hit himself in the forehead, "Of course, how could I have forgotten to tell you the most important thing!" He looked at them and shrugged, "What do you want to do?" Kerry put up her hands, "We don't care, in fact, I would be happy to package the clothes or the candy." Mr. Cravias stood up quickly and barked, "No!" Then he settled himself back down, "No...sorry, that won't be neccessary. How would you like to work as the tellers? You can sit right next to each other and it is a very easy job." The twins were taken aback by his sudden fierceness but they nodded and smiled just the same. "Thank you..." Kerry said hesitantly. Mr. Cravias nodded, "You can go now." Just then the power went out. [Edited on 8/6/2005]
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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] SgtSTFU It was good, although I kind of agree with t3h Kritz. For some strange reason, people like it when you put Bnet characters in the story :p [i]I[/i] liked it though.[/quote] You have semi-inspired me to do something....interesting. (I say semi-inspired because I had this thought in my head...but I forgot, and you helped me remember.)

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  • It was good, although I kind of agree with t3h Kritz. For some strange reason, people like it when you put Bnet characters in the story :p [i]I[/i] liked it though. [Edited on 8/7/2005]

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  • I thought it was great! -{Good Feedback Point! You gained to the next level}-

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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] francesthemute8 it was acceptable. But your work is slipping.[/quote] Once again, I ask for you to tell me why it was bad. Was it a lack of excitement? Is it too predictable?

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  • Wow, you make Rowling look like Alan Gibbons, and Alan Gibbons is a terrible writer by all means!

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  • it was acceptable. But your work is slipping.

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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Kritz *Flips out* Not as good as the others, but still good. Good indead.. deffenalty good. Life goes on, hey? Deffenatly. Life goes on. Yeah. Good. >> Kritz[/quote] Well, tell me, what makes the others better? (I'm not offended, I just want some constructive criticism so I can become a better writer.)

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  • *Flips out* Not as good as the others, but still good. Good indead.. deffenalty good. Life goes on, hey? Deffenatly. Life goes on. Yeah. Good. >> Kritz

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  • And now, Chapter 3! (It's on a new post to give it more importance.) Kerry screamed as the room went pitch black. Mr. Cravias spoke in a calm tone, "It's okay Kerry, the power just went out and it's a stormy day. I'll walk you down to the entrance." Val suddenly had a terrible dislike for the man, he didn't know why but he said, "No thank you. I can take care of my sister." Mr. Cravias smiled but no one could see it through the dark, "Of course you can." Kerry and Val walked out with Flashlights in hand. Kerry looked at Val sternly, "What do you have against that man?" Val let out an exasperated sigh, "I just don't trust him." Kerry remained silent, inviting him to explain further so Val continued, "I mean...have you ever heard of a person making millions from selling discount clothes?" Kerry laughed, "Yes, we are working for one right now. Come on, people love discounts and sales, and this place is centered around those things, why wouldn't he make lots of money? And if we keep working for him, we could make lots of money too." Val shook his head, "It's not widespread and somehow he manages to not have anyone working on the clothes." Kerry shook her head, "Have you ever heard of machine labor?" Val looked at her seriously and asked, "Who's running the machines?" Kerry frowned and then said slowly, "Ok...if we go and see the place where they make the clothes, will you trust him?" Val nodded, "But only if I like what I see." "Good," Kerry said with a tone that said there was no way Mr. Cravias could do anything wrong, "Let's go."

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