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9/27/2009 8:38:30 PM
649
No wonder humanity was almost wiped out!
At the beginning of the Halo series, humanity had weapons that made the Covenant crap their pants. The standard UNSC pistol could be used as a freakin' anti-air weapon! The rocket launcher obliterated everything nearby, and the vehicles were completely indestructible.
Meanwhile, the Covenant were equipping their highest ranking Elites with fuzzy blue things that did nothing but make the humans laugh, as they used bullets to kill enemies rather than fists.
Then, the UNSC had a sudden urge to "balance" their equipment. They made it so the pistol couldn't kill a grunt, let alone a Covenant ship. They also turned their vehicles into fast-moving deathtraps that the enemy could now hijack. The only improvements that were made during this period were an improved rocket launcher that was able to lock on to enemy vehicles, and an increased budget that allowed the UNSC to get every marine a driver's license.
At the same time, the Covenant upgraded their blue fuzzy things into something resembling a sword, and it could now allow the user to fly 50 feet towards any desired target. In addition, they developed a weapon similar to the UNSC's rocket launcher, except the user could fire approximately 1 bajillion rounds before reloading.
The UNSC then created a weapon similar to the original stardard-issue pistol, but instead of making it standard issue, it was reserved for maniacs who enjoy getting launched from orbital stations for a living. This new pistol was decommissioned after six hours.
The Covenant then realized that marines were using the plasma pistol and BR55 together to kill shielded Covenant easier, so they did the only logical thing and made the plasma pistol completely useless.
In order to combat Banshees in the absence of the pistol, the UNSC designed Hornets which, while incredibly boring to fly, looked totally kick ass.
Not wanting to fall behind on the manufacturing of overpowered weapons that make no sense, the Covenant designed a seven foot tall hammer that could destroy any enemy with one hit. This weapon was of course down graded when the Covenant realized it was useful.
Only with the help of the Elites with their retarded glowy things that somehow enabled the wielder to fly towards enemies, was humanity able to survive.
Weapons in the future [b]suck[/b].
[Edited on 03.02.2011 9:49 PM PST]
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lol i crapped my pants
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That made me laugh, I was upset when I was done reading, but now I am happy againe. :)
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Winning!
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LoL, Total win.
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I have 3 things to say: 1:L 2:O 3:L
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] petarded2 The UNSC then created a weapon similar to the original stardard-issue pistol, but instead of making it standard issue, it was reserved for maniacs [/quote] Thats me.
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[quote]The Covenant then realized that marines were using the plasma pistol and BR55 together to kill shielded Covenant easier, so they did the only logical thing and made the plasma pistol completely useless[/quote] 10/10, OP. How can humanity use pump-action shotguns 500 years in the future when we don't even use them today? OH lawd.
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I laughed for a minute! LOL!
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You kind sir! Just made me lol.
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Don't forget that the Covenant left an upgraded Plasma Rifle with the ability to shoot Scarab beams just lying around in New Mombasa. Careless.
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I lol'd so hard at this thread, true tho.
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lol saved
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tl;dr
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Needed a good laugh.
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Silen7Sam win[/quote]
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I like this very much.
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Not only the weapons, but the damn soldiers themselves. From driving off of cliffs to fragging themselves and fellow troopers to missing with the goddamn air defense cannon at two meters, soldiers of the UNSC (and, to a lesser degree, the Covenant) somehow managed to make the most so-called "elite force" of the future look like a bunch of boy scouts with paintball guns and water balloons - if the scouts in question had severe cranial trauma. Seriously, I have seen six-year olds with better capabilities than these so-called marines. Grunts are explained by their names, but I expect better of special forces and even SPARTANs, goddamnit! If this is what the future is going to be like, I'm warping through the next slipstream to Warhammer 40k and grabbing the real Space Marines, who are professional enough to know which way the grenade is supposed to go and also that you're supposed to shoot the enemy with your guns, not just wildly blindfire. The Emperor Protects!
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Ha, that was hilarious. I can't wait to use the CE pistol on the enemies in Anniversary. The havoc it brings can only be made more epic with improved graphics.
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HAHAHAHA that was so funny. and it is almost completely true. LOL!!!! [Edited on 07.15.2011 2:29 PM PDT]
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Over 9000 MC *Applause* This is saved for when I need a good laugh. And to joe and alex21^ Anniversary is Combat Evolved with a few extra features and jizztacular graphics. The godly hand-cannon we know as the Halo 1 pistol is returning in all its glory ( by glory I mean the capability to blast anything to hell, blast it back up, then blast it to hell again)[/quote] YEEEEESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!! CE PISTOL FTW!!!!!!!!!!!!
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*Applause* This is saved for when I need a good laugh. And to joe and alex21^ Anniversary is Combat Evolved with a few extra features and jizztacular graphics. The godly hand-cannon we know as the Halo 1 pistol is returning in all its glory ( by glory I mean the capability to blast anything to hell, blast it back up, then blast it to hell again) [Edited on 07.01.2011 12:44 AM PDT]
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] StealthSlasher2 [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] RagedSycokiller the odst pistol was pretty good compared to halo 2 and 3. funny how he said it was removed after the game ended.[/quote] The ODST pistol was amazing for headshots on unshielded enemies and only that. It was incredibly useless for doing damage in general compared to any other pistol from the other games.[/quote] Yeah, 'least the ODST pistol had a scope. I want that super-overpowered CE pistol which could kill a Spartan in 3 headshots. Hopefully, we will see it return in Halo CEA.
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] RagedSycokiller the odst pistol was pretty good compared to halo 2 and 3. funny how he said it was removed after the game ended.[/quote] The ODST pistol was amazing for headshots on unshielded enemies and only that. It was incredibly useless for doing damage in general compared to any other pistol from the other games.
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the odst pistol was pretty good compared to halo 2 and 3. funny how he said it was removed after the game ended.
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what happeneed to nukeing enemy bases to scatter them into disorganized enemies
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] petarded2 [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Mutoid Log [quote]Hornets, a slower moving, hard to operate vehicle that was only semi-competent at killing infantry units.[/quote]have you even used one[/quote] If given the choice between a Banshee and a Hornet, which one would you choose? [quote] And the M6D and M6C/S can't do crap on Covenant shields. The BR can, however. The UNSC couldn't go without having a weapon that has at least a little chance at killing an elite.[/quote] In Halo 2 the rocket launcher was the substitute for the M6D silly, not the Battle Rifle. [/quote] Don't you mean the Scarab Gun?
