Oh no!!
Oh yea! Another crappy Flood story!
Captain Crotchpants has decided to throw in his two cents in the writing world. I have one part written, give me some feedback on whether or not I should continue the saga.
Enjoy.
"What exactly are we doing here again?"
Sparty sounded worried. This was his first mission. I'd be worried too.
"I told myself I'd never step foot in this place. It's suicide man!"
Sparty was getting restless. Crapdancemagee just stared out the chopper window.
"Were you paying attention during briefing? There's a riot, and we're being sent to control it." I replied.
"I know... I'm just nervous.. that's all.. just talking to keep from thinking about the mission..."
I lied; Sparty was petrified.
"There's riots and flame wars all the time in Zanzibar. Why's this one so special?" asked Crapdance
"This time the Zanzibarians are threating the Flood. We can't take that laying down." I replied.
"This is madness" Moaned Sparty
"Just calm down, We'll be fine."
I wish I had Crapdances optimism. I knew the mission was futile. The Zanzibarians have been getting worse. The riots and flame wars are increasing in size and number. It's only a matter of time before they break out and invade the Flood. We couldn't let that happen. So HQ's idea of a solution was put together a rag tag army and send them in. Crapdancemagee and myself were the only two experienced fighters. Sparty was an aspiring new recruit, and all ready making a name for himself as the token quickshot. But, this was his first real mission. Let's hope he performs as well under pressure...
A few silent hours later, And the Island of Zanzibar came into full view. It would have been a beautiful sight, if it wasn't scalding from all the flame wars. As we descended towards the island, the shouts of fanbois could be heard like the cry of a feral hyena, and the smell of burning Halo 2 filled the air.
To be continued.....
--I just realised, I spelt peanut butter wrong....
nah, I'm not gonna change it.
[Edited on 7/22/2005]
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"Men, we shall stand firm against the Zazibarian threat. For our lives, honor and peanut butter; We must hold them back." [Edited on 8/20/2005]
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Wagovan stood at the demilitarized zone between "all forums" and The Flood with his GAU-8/A anti-tank Gatling gun in a camoflauged pit... If a Zanzibarbarian got within firing range, they would be pelted by 30-millimeter linkless caseless high-incendiary-explosive anti-armor non-radioactive plutonium bullets. And die. [Edited on 8/20/2005]
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Why wasn't I in it, [i]AND[/i], why wasn't I killed?
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it was a good story [Edited on 8/20/2005]
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*Cough*Cough*Cough*
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] buffalo wing Good stuff. I suggest you add more characters, though.[/quote] Like me...
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Damn it when do I get peanut butter?
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Good stuff. I suggest you add more characters, though.
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] LordCrotchpants [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] GruntHaven It wasn't mine either but now I love it. All you have to do is think about what they would be doing while their talking. Try not to use 'said' or 'replied' at all and just put in an action after their dialogue. It sounds better and people will praise you more for a more in depth story. - Haven[/quote] Thanky GruntHaven, I'll remeber that when writing part two. And madcoconut....your time will come.[/quote] Score.
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I can't wait!
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] GruntHaven It wasn't mine either but now I love it. All you have to do is think about what they would be doing while their talking. Try not to use 'said' or 'replied' at all and just put in an action after their dialogue. It sounds better and people will praise you more for a more in depth story. - Haven[/quote] Thanky GruntHaven, I'll remeber that when writing part two. And madcoconut....your time will come.
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awww...
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I dont see me in there. :(
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It wasn't mine either but now I love it. All you have to do is think about what they would be doing while their talking. Try not to use 'said' or 'replied' at all and just put in an action after their dialogue. It sounds better and people will praise you more for a more in depth story. - Haven
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] LordCrotchpants Meh, I think I'll write a second part tomorrow.[/quote] vv007!
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I know what you mean GruntHaven, I actually dislike that too. But for some reason, it was all I could think of at the moment... I made a poor attempt at mixing things up by saying "said" intead of "replied" a few times, but that was it. As you may have inferred, writing isn't exactly my number one school subject. :D
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Good work crotch, one miner issue though. I hate it when dialogue is written and the writter simply says I replied or he replied. If I am going to indicate you said something I like to put some sort of action i.e. "Were you paying attention during briefing? There's a riot, and we're being sent to control it." I replied loading my rifle, the magazine seemed to catch for a moment but slide in eventually. Obviously you could come up with something better then that but its just a thought of how you could paint the scene a little better. Use it sparingly though or it becomes too wordy. - Haven [Edited on 7/22/2005]
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alrighty hey you see mine? sorry your not in it but I tried to put in as many people as I could
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Meh, I think I'll write a second part tomorrow.
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] LordCrotchpants *Cough* attention whore *Cough* ... *Cough* Ima hippocryte *cough*[/quote] haha amen to that well I liekd it thats for sure but I'm sorry I ahev to say it... I havent been in any of teh stories exceot for mine and my sister of course... I thought you and me were friends *tear tear* j/k Crotchpants awesome I dont really care if Im in it cant wait for teh next part...if there is one
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*Cough* attention whore *Cough* ... *Cough* Ima hippocryte *cough*
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Ephona check my story and give opinion[/quote] Why did you post that in here?
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Ephona...no.
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check my story and give opinion
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Great story.