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9/3/2015 4:38:19 AM
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Adult Truths

1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. 2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. 3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. 4. There is great need for a sarcasm font. 5. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? 6. GPS really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. 7. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. 9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired. 10. Bad decisions make good stories. 11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. 12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again. 13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my 10-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to. 14. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option. 15. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. 16. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said? 17. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters! 18. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever. 19. Even under ideal conditions, people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and pinning the tail on the donkey--but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time. 20. The first tentacular guard, the "Cup," was used in hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. Post more that you know.

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  • Stop signs are not meant to be stopped at. Proper stop sign procedure is to slow down, look around, and go. When you have a job that you don't plan to do for the rest of your life, there's always that mental debate of how much you need your job that normally occurs about an hour before your shift. You will always run into traffic when your late, no exceptions. Proper procedure while driving past a car crash is to slow down, disregard the road, stare intently at the incident, and determine what happened. Car keys are avid hide-and-seek players. Speed limits have an invisible +15 next to them. Sleep is irrelevant during exam time. Redbull and adderall are the only necessities. Birthdays are not to be remembered. Coffee is the single greatest substance in the world. No exceptions.

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