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7/10/2009 9:06:14 PM
18
[Story] Spartan 104: The Black Abyss
It starts up after the first few parts, so don't let this one get you down. If you see any errors tell me. Il fix them as soon as i can.
Spartan 104 sat at a table in the dining hall. He stood out among the crowd. Mostly because he was two meters tall. He pulled a combat knife out of his belt, and sliced his apple like lightning. The marines sitting with him stared at the perfectly cut fruit. One of the soldiers looked up at 104 and asked, " Uh...can you cut mine too sir.?"
The Spartan looked down at the tiny ant, took his apple, and before the marine knew it he had even slices placed on his tray. 104 wasn't one for socializing. After all, he was a Spartan. He heard shouting behind him. He turned around to see two marines. It was obvious they were about to start throwing punches. The smaller marine, who seemed to be at a disadvantage to to the fact that his combatant was six feet tall, struck first.
The punch landed on the large man's face. Blood from his nose flew into the air. They began pummeling each other. Right as the larger marine threw his prey on to the table, both of them felt themselves lifted into the air by the back of their fatigues. They tried to run at each other while hoisted up in the air. They continued throwing punches that fell short. They were nowhere near in range. Spartan 104 looked at the two marines he held up off the ground. They looked ridiculous. He almost laughed. He had cracked a smile, but it quickly disappeared.
The whole dining hall was silent, watching the event in horror. The Spartan was huge. The soldier even made ODSTs nervous. Watching the Titan hold two men in the air was scaring the hell out of the crowd. It was natural to be afraid of something that could pop you like a water balloon. "You two want to fight?" 104 asked, "Then take it to the gym, jump in the ring, and go at it."
The Spartan was not the least bit affected by the weight of the soldiers. He dropped both of them on to the ground. They failed to land on their feet. The larger marine scowled at 104, and walked away. 104 knew the two of them weren't going to fight without an audience. The Spartan walked out of the dining hall, and towards the elevator that would take him to the floor where his team's bunks were.
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Pretty good, nice prologue. Although I must say, fan fictions about a Spartan no one has heard of are a little cliche.
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yeah. i did this fanfic about a second gray team and it was just so hard to write, spartans are too hard to make into solid characters. I'm not saying you wont ever see my gray team story again but I have changed my attention to an ODST fanfic I am writing which is much better
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I figured id throw a spin on this spartan's personality. Making him a lil different than the average rock hard Spartan. Some internal conflict with this one.
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So when you say it is dificult to develop a spartan into a solid character, why do you feel this way?
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Bump much?
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Part 1 Spartan 104 entered the elevator. On his way up, he wondered if that ODST he saved from the brutes in the generator complex was alive. 104 Did leave him on the floor, but that was justified. The generator building was a detour on a more important mission. His mind quickly changed subjects to a more important topic. 104 had been working on a weapon, a big one. The Spartan had spent a weak engineering the gun, and he was ready to make to proto-type. It shot a concentrated beam of light at a high speed. If his calculations were correct, it should be able cut a brute in half. 104 was the equipment expert in his squad, Red Team. Instead of getting off the elevator at his bunk's deck, he raised two decks higher, to the armory. When104 entered the armory, he was greeted by Anton, the head of arms. "Here to work on your weapon?" Anton asked. "Yea, I'm going to construct the proto-type today." 104 replied. The Spartan sat down at the armory's computer, pulled up a construction program, and began typing in the dimensions of the weapon's outer shell. [Edited on 07.11.2009 5:23 PM PDT]
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Part 2 104's fingers moved like lightning across the keyboard. "Take it easy." Anton said with a worried face, "That thing costs a lot of money, and if you keep typing like that, you'll fry the computer." "Yea, right." 104 replied. Anton sighed, "Alright, but if you break it you are taking full responsibility. I've already gotten in enough trouble for one week." The head of arms had blown a hole in the firing range's titanium wall while testing a new RPG. 104 had finished all of the commands for the computer to start the construction of the weapon in a matter of minutes. This was a day long process for a normal human. The armory's machines fired up, and began constructing the weapon. The walls shook from the humming of the hydraulic pumps. Weapons hung on gun racks attached to the wall fell off. "You're picking those up!" Anton yelled over the racket the machines were making. 104 said nothing, instead, he smiled. He was unusually happy for a Spartan. Although he didn't interact with others much, he had a very high spirit. Most Spartans had become emotionally numb from the years of combat and horrors of war. 104 sat in the chair in front of the computer. He twisted it around to look at the machines. He was uncomfortable in the small seat. To him, it was like trying to sit in a baby chair. "Your thing should be done in about five hours." Anton said, the deafening roar of the machines still muffling his voice. 104 nodded, stood up, and left [Edited on 07.11.2009 5:29 PM PDT]
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Part 3 The Spartan liked living on the Cerebus. In the morning, he went to the gym. After, he took a shower. He then ate lunch, and roamed the halls in mid day. He liked watching the life and commotion on the different decks. The only thing he didn't like about the space craft was that every new person stared at him as he walked down the hallway. No doubt they though he looked like a freak. 104 hated it. All of the Spartans did. Spartan 104 was the only one of his kind living on the Cerebus, but he didn't mind. He wouldn't be talking to them much anyway. The only person he talked to regularly was Ensign Chervayl. She worked on the bridge most of the day, but 104 saw her in the dining hall, and some times in the gym during mid day. He didn't go there at those hours much. She had always been nice to the Spartan. The ensign could tell he was shy, but the other crew members saw it in a different way. Most thought he was just plain weird. 104 hadn't seen Chervayl for a while, and he knew that she was ussualy at the gym at this time of day. It was a Saturday, and she had this day of the week off. Another ensign substituted for her. The Spartan thought he would go say hello to Chervayl, he missed her, butnever admitted it to himself. He knew that Spartans were expected to be immune to those kinds of emotions. 104 took the ship's elevator up one deck to get to the gym. As he stepped out of the elevator and walked down the hall towards the gym, he laughed at how the two marines were trying to get to each other when he held them both in the air. The crew members around him were disturbed. All of them were staring at him wondering the same thing. Did a Spartan just laugh? 104 knew what they were thinking, but for once, it didn't bother him. [Edited on 07.12.2009 8:31 AM PDT]
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Part 4 The Spartan reached the gyms door, and palmed the lock. The titanium barrier hissed as it opened. When he walked in, everyone took a quick glance at him. Very few people eve got used to seeing a Spartan. He saw Ensign Chervayl at the other end of the gym, running on a tread mill. 104 walked across the rubber floor towards her. 104 jumped on to the tread mill beside Ensign Chervayl. " Hey senior." She said with a smile. "That's Senior Chief to you Ensign." Chervayl laughed. 104 never joked around anyone but Chervayl. It wasn't Spartan. " But really." The Spartan said, " If you keep calling me Senior people are going to start thinking I'm eighty years old." She laughed again. "You know." Chervayl said, "You are really really funny. Why don't you talk to anyone els?" " I'm a Spartan remember?" 104 replied, "A stone cold freak with no life" The Ensign smiled, " I think people would like you. All you have to do is cut down on the suspending people in the air by the back of their shirts." " You saw that?" 104 replied. "Yes..yes i did" She replied, smiling. . "Well uh, I should get going, Il see you around." The Spartan said. " Yea, and come get me when we have time off, I was starting to think there was another girl," The soldiers laughed together. It was a joke of course, nobody in the military had an intimate relationship with a fellow soldier, but for a moment they were staring into each other's eyes. 104 quickly looked away, turned off the treadmill, and headed for his team's quarters. He didn't leave until morning.
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Part 5 104 was standing at the front of the bridge, looking at the vast black void all around them through a monitor. He had been woken up by the intercom, ordering that he must report to the Captain immediately. He could already tell it was going to be a bad day. Captain Smith walked into the bridge, and stood beside him. " I called you here because we have a serious problem." The captain said, "last night, a three man covenant force covertly boarded the ship. Some of our crew members are missing." 104 was silent. Smith continued, "Engineer Braverman, Ensign Chervayl, and Vice Admiral Fairholm." The Vice Admiral had been aboard the Cerebus for two weeks. He was on the ship only as a mode of transportation to return to earth, where the Cerebus was headed. This was a huge deal, but 104 could only think about Chervayl. He knew this was a bad sign. 104 wasn't meant to get too close to anyone. To be thinking about the ensign instead of the Admiral was not acceptable. The Spartan knew it was wrong, but Chervayl was his only friend. He had a gut feeling that in the end he would have to choose between the admiral, or the Ensign. He was right. [Edited on 07.13.2009 12:10 AM PDT]
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It's all good, a few errors, but an enjoyable read. I know what your problem is though. Every fan fic you write is very unoriginal, such as ODST squads, a Spartan, etc etc. I know it might seem hypocritical for me to say ODST squad, but Memoirs focuses a lot more on character than combat, so it's probably an exception. Why not try something different? Write about the Sangheili war with the San' Shaylum, something we are oblivious to in the Halo universe. That way, it's more interesting. It's your choice, carry on with this, or start a fresh and original. Or maybe both, when one fan fic becomes popular, usually all of them do.
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I see what you mean. Il try to do both. Ive got some ideas. Now, to the drawing board. Thanks bro.
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Part 6 "Alright." Captain Smith said, "We've used our ships high powered external cameras to do some reconnaissance on the surrounding planets, and we found something." The captain pulled up an image of a covenant encampment on what appeared to be a desolate no man's land. The whole planet was dirt, vast deserts, and crags. It was such a piece of junk, nobody bothered to name it. The captain looked at Spartan 104, "Son, I need you to get down there and see what you can find. Infiltrate the facility. Your main objective is to locate Admiral Fairholm. As for the Ensign and the Engineer, they can be replaced. If you don't find those two soon, leave them." 104 Felt a ping of sorrow. His body showed no signs of it, and it didn't last long. Spartan 104 waited to be dropped into the desolate planet's atmosphere. He was going alone on this mission. The camp was small, and it would be easy for him to slip in and out. He stood in the drop pod fully clad in Mjolnilr Mark Five battle armor. No Spartan was complete without his suit. He herd a loud "CLANK!" and the pod was launched into space. The drop pod was designed for stealth missions. Plates on its surface reflected light to make it nearly invisible. A near frictionless surface covered the entire pod to stop the metal object from creating a fireball in the atmosphere. Anti-gravity technology taken from the covenant was used instead of air breaks. The thing barely made a sound when it touched the dead planet's surface.
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Part 7 104 slowly opened the hatch on his drop pod. He had landed a mile away from the camp, perfect. The Spartan sprinted full speed toward the covenant base. He made sure to stay on rocky terrain to prevent swirling dust into the air. He reached the purple metal barrier surrounding the encampment in under a minute, battle rifle loaded, silenced, and ready to kill. The Spartan jumped up onto the top of the wall, a good 30 feet. He landed with complete silence. Plasma turrets rimmed the top of the barrier. Grunts were on patrol along the walls pathway. This would be easy for 104. Or at least it seemed that way. He swiftly ran across the wall until he reached a plasma turret manned by a grunt. 104 snapped the alien's neck, but made sure it stayed seated. He wanted the covenant to be unaware of his presence as long as possible. He took a quick look down at the camps floor. Stacked metal crates were everywhere. Elites patrolled the area. "What are they doing here?" 104 wondered. The Spartan dropped down from the wall. He crept between the crates towards the door of the small construct within the encampment. 104 reached a pile of crates directly in front of the door. He was visible from behind, and on both sides. He had to move, and fast. The door to the construct opened, and out walked an Elite clad in golden armor, shining in the sun. Guards were walking his way from all directions, he was about to be spotted.
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Part 8 104 jumped into the air and tackled the golden elite. The Spartan pounded the alien's head in with one blow, and picked up its corpse to use as a shield. He backed up towards the door as he fired his battle rifle at the Elites. They were advancing, using the crates as cover. They had metal barriers, he had a dead body. The plasma turrets rotated and fired at him. He knew the turret would smash through the dead Elite and himself with ease. 104 threw the carcass of the golden alien at a group of grunts who had packed together against a pile of metal crates. The small aliens spattered on the purple metal, painting it blue. The Spartan dashed down the buildings hallway, heading for the turn. Plasma boiled the metal around him. His shields dropped drastically. The hall was to short, he had no time to accelerate. Right as he turned the corner, a plasma bolt struck his thigh plate. The plasma reppeling serum on his armor repelled most of the blast, but the titanium was scorched, and a small indent was burnt into it. 104 pulled the pin of a fragmentation grenade and bounced it off the wall of the hallway he had narrowly escaped. It ricochet off the purple surface and landed in front of a ground of aliens. There was a loud boom, followed by the cries of Elites.
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Part 9 There was only one path in the construct, and 104 hoped it would lead him to his fellow soldiers. Around the next turn was a large door. He smashed it in with his boot, instantly crushing the jackal guards. He stormed in, battle rifle blazing. Covenant soldiers dropped all around him. He swung around a cylindrical pillar that ran from the floor to the ceiling in the center of the room, and kicked an Elite in the side of its face. The alien's head disappeared.104 landed on the ground from his kick. When he turned around, three elites in black armor held the Admiral, Ensign, and Engineer. Plasma pistols pointed at their heads. "No." The Spartan whispered. His gun's magazine was empty, and there was no way he could save all three. He made up his mind quickly. 104 Launched his battle rifle at the Admiral's captor. The gun broke through the elites shields and knocked it unconscious. He leapt at the Elite holding Chervayl. The Spartan smashed it into the wall, turned around, and used it as a mace to send the last elite through the air. It was too late for the Engineer. A plasma bolt had been placed in his head. 104 stomped the unconscious Elite's chest, instantly killing it. He then grabbed its plasma rifle and blew the survivor away. The Spartan closed and locked the emergency door using a holographic control panel on the cylindrical power core. He ran to Chervayl, Fairholm was unconscious, but 104 didn't care anymore. The Spartan knelt down to his only friend. She had taken a plasma bolt to the ribs, and was bleeding to death.
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Part 10 104 took off his helmet and held Ensign Chervayl close to him. She cared for him, more than she should. She looked into the Spartan's eyes, and he stared back into her's. They were deep blue. Her dark brown hair lay in 104's arms. She was beautiful. "R-Rob" She stuttered. 104 nodded, "D-d-don't let me die" Chervayl said quietly. Her voice was quivering, and tears were forming in her eyes. " It's ok, I'm here." The Spartan replied. Chervayl wrapped her arms around his back, used all her remaining strength to pull herself close to 104, and kissed him on his lips. Both of their eyes closed. The two of them stayed perfectly still, neither wanted to part. He felt as though he was holding an angel. Chervayl was warm, her skin soft as silk. She released his lips after what had felt like an eternity. 104 turned the over shield of his torso off as he pulled her tight towards his chest, Chervayl relaxed, and became limp in 104's arms. Tears fell from her eyes and hit the floor. Chervayl took one last look at the man she could never have, and slipped away. Spartan 104 held the dead Ensign in his arms. He was shocked, he felt an emotion he had never encountered before. It was strong, and he could feel it burning in his chest. Blood was dripping from Chervayl's uniform down onto the floor. She had called him Rob, his name. Nobody ever called him Rob, but it made him feel human. He liked it, but now Chervayl was dead. There was nothing 104 could do about it. He felt anger, but smothered it. He knew it would render his tactical sense. He gently placed Chervayl on to the ground, and swore he would never get that close to anyone again.
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