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Destiny

Discuss all things Destiny.
6/3/2015 6:30:57 AM
2

Tales of Kenliam01 - The Greatest Destiny Player of All Time Volume 1

Kenliam01 was the last man standing. All of his comrades had fallen to Skolark - the infamous boss of the level 35 arena challenge. The arc burn that the chode that runs the arena had set in place had absolutely decimated the greatly inferior men of his squad. But Kenliam01 was no ordinary man - this was the greatest Destiny player of all time. The enemy Fallen rushed Kenliam01 surrounding him and pelting him with a torrent of arc bullets. Kenliam01 performed a quadrouple double backflip misty roundhouse kick to the face of a nearby captain - a move not even technical feasible with the games coding. The captain died instantly and the resulting explosion from the force of the kick killed 40 other Fallen and destroyed half of the level and created a supernova which spawned a star that then exploded again and formed a black hole that began to eat all the stars around it and which destroyed a far away galaxy and then simultaneously caused every single woman on earth to give birth at the same time. The remaining Fallen stupidly continued to attack Kenliam01, his comrades became eligible for revive, but being the noble legend he was, he decided to make the area a bit safer before bringing them back. Kenliam01 turned to his enemies, arc blasts bouncing off of him with no effect, his manly phallus gleaming in the... his armor gleaming in the sun which was slowly being blocked out by the smoke from the previous kickplosion. Kenliam01 then used his incredible powers to simultaneously spawn and decrypt several engrams. Two of the engrams became a pair of sunglasses and a huge cigar, while the last one created a whole new exotic in the likeness of an enormous mini-gun called the Chode Destroyer 5000. The sunglasses materialized on his face, the cigar lit itself by the flames of his awesomeness.... Kenliam01 turned to Skolark, the great beast of a chode that he was - and said "Well hi there, I'm Kenliam01 and I'd sure love to run you through trials some time!" - Because he was just that awesome. Skolark replied "Gafliggle klak jda .... - idk man some Fallen shit or something. Kenliam01, accurately perceiving this to be a threat to himself and his loved ones, proceeded to unleash a hail of gunfire from his Chode Destroyer 5000. There were some noises, some grunts, a lot of explosions and some other shit -BUT THEN- The dust settled. All that remained of Skolark was a diaper that had spontaneously formed for him to shit himself in. Kenliam01 revived his comrades, took a drag of his cigar, took out his ghost, and went to orbit... because he does not need any loot. He is Kenliam01, the greatest Destiny player of all time.

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