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Edited by Kenji Kazuma:
7/2/2015 5:58:19 AM
690
Post the funniest joke you know! :)
I wanna see who can make me laugh the hardest :) I laugh really easily, so anyone could win honestly. I will rate the joke 1-10 on each one, so get to it!!
EDIT: Dang my first post and above 300 posts.. Thanks guys :D I laughed at some of these :p
EDIT: 850+ replies???! You guys are awesome! :D
EDIT: 1000 REPLIES? OMG amazing guys! This is my first successful post! Keep it going!
EDIT: 1500.. *takes off glasses
My god...
English
#Offtopic
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Feminism.
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How do you get a black guy to stop jumping in the bed?[spoiler]put velcro on the ceiling[/spoiler]
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1 ReplyA dyslexic man walks into a bra.
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You know what is the funniest joke? [spoiler]Me[/spoiler]
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Why did the boy cross the road To get hit by a truck!!!!!
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Your fat. Yeah you know it runs in the family. Nothing runs in the family you fat -blam!-! -[i]The guy with no house[/i]
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I put a potato on my couch... [spoiler]My parents told it to stop being such a couch potato[/spoiler]
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7 RepliesTwo hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
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7 RepliesEdited by Chikin: 6/28/2015 8:48:01 PMHow do you pick up a Jewish hooker? [spoiler]A dustpan.[/spoiler] How do you get a Jewish girls' number? [spoiler]Lift her sleeve.[/spoiler]
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5 RepliesEdited by boyjosha: 11/15/2015 8:47:35 AMSimba was walking to slow, I told him to Mufasa. *drops mic*
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32 RepliesEdited by Lunasia_: 6/2/2015 7:26:02 PMBf n gf were sitting at a tabel Dey were haeving a conversatein Da gurl sed 2 da boy "bbz will u luv me 4ever." Boy said "NO....." Girl was sad She ran away n cryed She triped over a CHAIR She was ded Boy ran over to pic up her body He wispered in her ear "i meant to say... ill love you 5ever." Dat meen he luv her moar dan 4ever. [spoiler]i cri everytiem[/spoiler]
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1 ReplyDamn, some of these jokes are worse than my social life...
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4 RepliesKnock knock Who's there Glow Glow-who? What a knee slapper XD
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Why cant two Chinese people make an American baby? [spoiler]two wongs dont make a wright[/spoiler]
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1 ReplyChuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet. He scares the crap out of it.
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11 RepliesEdited by Caydzilla16: 5/8/2015 4:17:17 AMSo 3 guys were driving around, named crap, shut up, and manners, then crap fell out the window and manners went to go get him. Then shut up got pulled over by a cop. The cop asked for his name, and he replied, " Shut up" the cop said " Now, where's your manners?" Shut up replied, "Out picking up crap." Where's my medal?
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1 ReplyTalking to a fat person... You have something on your chin... No the other won.
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2 RepliesHelen Keller walked into a bar, then into a table, then into a chair.
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8 RepliesHey girl, my watch shows me what color panties you're wearing. It says you're not wearing any. My bad, my watch is 30 minutes fast.
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5 RepliesThe invention of the word: B oo b Top view, Front view, Side view.
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4 RepliesWhat do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? [spoiler]pull the pin and throw it back. [/spoiler]
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2 RepliesBill Gates farted in an Apple Store and it stank up the whole place. But it was their fault for not having windows.
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7 RepliesA panda walks into a bar. He asks the bartender how he can get a little action for the night. The bartender motions to a young woman. She talks to the panda, and they go back to her place. After having sex, the panda abruptly leaves. The next night, the woman goes to the panda's house. "You owe me money," she says. "For what?" The woman rolls her eyes and explains, "I'm a prostitute." The panda pulls out a dictionary and looks it up: "Prostitute: Has sex for money." The panda says, "I don't have to pay you. I'm a panda -- look it up." She is about to protest when the bear hands her the dictionary. The woman looks up "panda" in the dictionary. It says, "Panda: Eats bush and leaves."
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4 RepliesJonny and his friends were and his friends were playing in the woods one day when they passed by the river and saw a naked woman bathing. They all ducked into the bushes to watch. All of the sudden Jonny got up and ran away at full speed. After the other kids caught up with him they asked why he had run away, this is what he said. "My momma told me that if I ever looked at a naked woman I would turn to stone, I felt something get hard, so I ran!"
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34 RepliesSo there were 4 men flying in a plane over the ocean and it went down (must have been a Malaysia Airlines flight). Luckily they crashed near an island and they swam ashore. As the 4 men were recovering on the beach a war party of the island's natives came upon them carrying spears and bows. The natives told the men "Do as we say and we won't kill you. Now each of you go into the jungle and bring us some fruit." The task was easy enough so the 4 men went into the jungle. Soon the first man came out carrying an apple. He gave it to the natives and they told him, "Stick that whole fruit into your ass and we'll let you live in our village and marry one of our women, fail and we'll cut off your head." Left with no choice the first man tried to stick the apple up his ass, but he couldn't do it so they chopped off his head. After a short while the second man emerged carrying a banana, The natives told him the same thing, but try as he might he couldn't get the last bit of stem up his ass so they chopped off his head. At last the third man came out of the jungle carrying just a handful of berries. He was told to stick them up his ass too, so he sat down and started popping them in one at a time. He had only one more to go when suddenly he laughed and all the berries came flying out of his ass, leading the natives to chop off his head. Now in the afterlife the 3 dead men reunite and one of them asks the third man, "You almost made it. You had just one more berry to put up your ass, why did you laugh?" and the third man replied: "I saw Jerry walk out of the jungle carrying a -blam!-ing pineapple.
