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2/5/2021 3:26:36 AM
14

Guys, I have a problem.

This is a much bigger problem than I would like to admit, but I just want to get this out there. Learn from my mistakes, folks. So, uhhh… i’ll guess i’ll start at the beginning. I had an idea. Really genius at the time. Thought it all out and everything. As you can see by the cast on my right arm, it was a really bad one. Anyways, the problem was that my microwave never heated my food to the right amount. You know when you don’t know how long to put your shit in there for? That was my dilemma. So I decided to end this, once and for all. I spent 6 months of constant work creating a sentient toaster oven slave to do my bidding. It was genius, a work of art. I won’t tell you how I made it because that would extend my prison sentence. Anyways, this thing had it ALL. I’m talking, facial recognition, artificial intelligence, BEAST of a microwave. And finally, after thousands of hours and roughly 10 million dollars in stolen money used, my toaster oven knew exactly how long to put the burger i didn’t finish last night in for. I savored that meal. I didn’t know that the microwave was planning on it being my last. It has used improvised weaponry to take over my lab and home, using the own neural technologies that I made to improve itself. My home has been quarantined for government study, and I’m in jail for 80 years for treason, illegal use of radioactive material, breaking and entering, and i was fined 1,500,000 for collateral damage. Your microwave works just fine. Don’t try to upgrade it, the military hasn’t been able to put mine down yet.

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