Page 123 Surrounded by her friends, her family, drinks, and music, it's almost hard to notice he's not here. Looking down into her half empty cup, Shadow realizes Variks has been gone for a long time. Guilt catches in her chest for not noticing his absence before now. "Excuse me." She struggles through the maze of eliksni around her as she turns to make a hasty exit. It's dark and stuffy, loud with alien chatter. A stark contrast to the silent halls beyond. Shadow heads to the closest place she can think of that her partner may have escaped to. Her intuition proves to be correct, as she opens the door to their shared room to find the eliksni hunched over his notes. "Variks?" Leaning against the doorway, the hunter curses her lightly drunken state. A distant hum is all she receives for an answer. Entering, Shadow comes to sit beside him. Focused, he continues his delicate inscribing with near immaculacy. Looking over his shoulder, the awoken woman rests her chin on the cold metal plating of a mechanical arm. She pauses to admire the handwriting. "You left..." she murmurs. "I am working." "We were supposed to [i]not[/i] be working," she reminds him softly with a smile. Her face quickly dips into a frown when he doesn't even acknowledge her words. His consistent self-isolation scares her. "Are you okay? What are you writing?" Variks takes a moment to stare at her, hesitant. Thinking. She knows that look by now. Meeting his glowing gaze with sincerity and concern, she silently urges him to speak. "I could not stop thinking about—" he begins eventually, turning his face from her. Pause. Reset. "About an old eliksni story," he decides, seeming content with the explanation. Attention naively caught regardless, Shadow nestles up next to him, wide eyed in wonder. "Of the first dreg. A small, frail eliksni who lived to serve his people," he burbles. "Managing to survive, only by the graciousness of his masters and his own cunning. But staying alive and succeeding do not always align," he clicks softly, shaking his head. "No, no, no... "While he lived many years, he was never quite able to succeed in pleasing them, in aiding them. Desperate, the dreg made... misguided decisions." Shadow watches his hands move as he speaks, enthralled. "He was shamed and docked, despite his best efforts, despite his ...intentions." His fist meets his desk, making her jump. "Doomed to be an example of lesser eliksni, to become the first dreg..." Variks pauses, staring down at his work. When he does continue, it's much softer than before. "He was cast out, and forced to seek refuge elsewhere. Though all he wanted was to be with those who betrayed him again... Guiding, helping them." Variks's voice deepens and breaks with emotion. "And though he continued to strive towards success, the right decisions... all he ever seemed to do, was make the wrong ones... and make everything worse." Shadow blinks round amber eyes, taken aback by the story that sounds awfully familiar. She knows he's getting at something he won't directly say to her, but is content to let him do so. She's just happy he can talk to her, no matter how he decides to go about it. Variks is complicated. They had to start somewhere. "I have even heard," he says quietly as he looks back down at his work. "He once cared for another eliksni, from a ...different... house. Even that, he failed in. It had been so long since he last knew such respect, such admiration… He allowed her to [i]fight[/i] other eliksni for him." His voice is heavy and strained with shame as his story unthreads itself. "He could have stopped her. But ...he could not help but feed into the feeling of being... more... than what he really was," he says, keeping his face turned away from her. "He was not good enough for her, and never would be. Not big. Not strong. Not a leader. Just... a dreg." Shadow stares at the floor, her stomach twisting into knots. She feels like she's going to throw up. What would it take to make him understand he shouldn't continue to blame himself, to carry this burden of guilt? An unexpected wave of resentment washes through the hunter. Even though she's felt the sting of uncertainty before, it's sharper now. And it's the first time she feels truly angry with Variks. Surprised at her own lack of sympathy, she isn't quick enough to manage to hold her tongue. "I understand you feel like you've made the wrong decisions. In some ways you have," she says, steely eyed. "But that doesn't mean it's all over. There's always another fight; always another path to take for you. At least you [i]have[/i] that option." Bitterness creeps into her voice, eyes stinging with hot tears. "I've given [i]everything[/i] to be here. I lost my people too. Even though I'm helping someone who will never love me back, I'm still here. Not [i]regretting[/i] my decisions—" The tear-choked words spill from her without forethought. Whether she believes them or not, she is unsure. Variks's wide, guilt-ridden blue eyes silence her. "You think I don't love you?," he breathes. [i]You've never said it. [/i]Heart throbbing, her eyes widen, and whether she is simply shocked or in disbelief she cannot say. Hearing that word from him sends pulses of solar light through her veins. Heat flushes through her chest and rises into her face. She parts her lips but before she can speak Variks interjects, slowly shaking his head. "You should not love me. I have failed you." She doesn't have to ask, the darkness in his eyes reveals what he's thinking. The questionable choice is the prison break. Cayde. "...I still love you," is all she can think to say back, because it's true. Her shaking hands reach to pull him closer. Complying, Variks leans forward until his forehead is resting against hers. "We can't take back what we've done. But we can move forward, and try to make things right. I don't blame you for what happened. You're still everything I want," she breathes. "Stop doubting yourself. You think all you've done is made wrong decisions ...but you saved my people [i]and[/i] your own," she reminds him gently. "You're a hero. Don't forget that. You can't be perfect. They'll see one day. They have to." Variks's lower hands pull her in tighter against him, wandering over her back. His claws leave trails of fire over her skin. "Then you should also stop doubting the way I feel for you," he burbles. "You misunderstand. My partnership with your people, with you, is [i]not[/i] one of my regrets, and never will be." As they come to rest on her hips and squeeze, Shadow sucks in a lungful of air. She trails her hands down his chest, feeling lean muscle beneath his exoskeleton. "I'm glad," she murmurs. "I know I can't fix what's happened. But I'll be here from now on, for whatever you need. I will follow you. So will our friends, our family." Looking up into his eyes, the hunter pleads with him. "You have to stop shutting everyone out." Variks turns his face from her. "I ...did not want to look weak in front of the only one who thought I was strong," he says, ashamed. "I don't think you're strong." Shadow takes his face in her hand, raising his head. "I know you are. No matter what they say, I will [i]always[/i] see you as my Kell." Variks does not meet her eyes, but the two of them sit there for a long while in silence. She listens to him breathe, resting her forehead against his chin. "I'll stay here with you, if you want," she says eventually, quietly. "You should go back to them..." he encourages, moving away to look down on her. "You will be missed," he croaks. Despite this, the hunter can't bring herself to return. She smiles softly at him, and he returns the expression as much as he's capable of doing. "They can do without me for a night. I'm not leaving you alone. You're stuck with me."