Hello my friends! You might not remember me since I changed username, but you do surely remember “How Forsaken Should Have Ended” and “How Warmind Should Have Ended”, right? Right? Right...? No? Anyway, seeing that probably nobody remembers that those even existed, I’m simply going to write a new one for Shadowkeep. Be reminded that this is complete satire and has no relation with the overall story of the expansion. Let’s begin: *Guardian appears at the Black Garden, and looks at the bottomless chasm behind him/her* Darkness: You made it. D: We heard your cries for help. D: But don’t worry, we are coming. Guardian: Who are you? D: I am not your friend. D:I am not your enemy... D: I am your... G: Just say it already dammit! I’ve been speedrunning this campaign in order to be ready for the raid! D: Skip the cutscene then, jackass. G: But one of the best things in this game are the cinematics! D: Why are you complaining then?! G: Because World’s First is more important than potential brain damage due to lack of rest. Now, finish the cutscene! D: Ok then... *ahem* D: We are your... G: JUST SAY IT! D: Oh, frick this... Ever heard of the Spartans? From human history? G: Who? D: Oh yeah, we caused the Collapse and erased that from human history. You see, they had a really cool move, let me demonstrate... *ahem* D: SPARTAN KICK! *Darkness Spartan Kicks the Guardian off the chasm, successfully putting an end to Destiny 2’s lore and story, making us save a lot of money* D: That was easy enough. Now, where was I? Oh, yes... D: We are your... D: Salvat... Oh, you’re dead, riiight... Well, I’m off to Borderlands 3. Might do some salvation there now. Goodbye. <[To Be Continued] *Music kicks in* Well, I hope you enjoyed the read. It took on a note which I found in the forums in the fact that it would have been perfect if after saying “Salvation” the Darkness pushed you off the cliff and then you awoke on the lunar surface, but I added a more comedic tone to it. Thank you for reading this far. - Teko, Master of Teapots