As requested by 6 whole people, (ikr!), I, Cylus, chef of off-topic, will teach you to make a Homemade Pizza! Turn that lumpy ass sac of dough into the dank ass pepperoni pizza you all love and crave. -blam!-ING VEGANS CAN GET THE -blam!- OUT!
Ladies and Gentlemen, this is... [b][i][u]COOKING. WITH. CYLUS!!! (wooooooo)[/u][/i][/b]
[spoiler]And of course, this pizza is 🅱 O N E L E S S.[/spoiler]
[b]INGREDIENTS AND SHIT:[/b]
As always, you need pot. Smoke that shit up and you're ready to go.
...oh shit I gave you guys step one already.
SOME CRUSHED DRY RED PEPPER[/b]
Step 2?...: Take that lumpy sac of shit and throw down. Make em go splat on the counter. Then remove your sheathed scissors from your dope ass apron and shank the thing 47 times in the back. Rip open its plasticular outer membrane and squeeze its innards onto the counter.
Make sure all your weed is smoke cause we gonna start baking.
[spoiler]in the literal sense[/spoiler]
[spoiler]I've been high since 2pm.[/spoiler]
Step 3: Take your wooden cylindrical prism, aka the rolling pin, and smash that dough till it's flat. Then make it a circle. Pick it up and roll it around your shoulders like a -blam!-ing basketball. Make sure not to drop it though, that shit is sticky.
[spoiler]I fell asleep for 12 minutes:|[/spoiler]
Err- then flatten it again like a pro salami Italian.
Step 4: Take a ladle and dip it in your marinara or whatever tomato sauce it is, and rub it in a circle around the circumference of the pizza dough in a backwards, counterclockwise pattern. Then get sum chez and throw it on that pizza. Pete-suh.
Step 4.5: I FORGOT TO TELL YOU TO PUT DA PEP PEP PEPPERONI ON THE PIZZA. DO IT NOW. I'M FROM THE FUTURE SO TRUST ME.
Step 5: Oh I forgot to tell you guys to preheat your oven. You need that to make a pizza. So go back in time and set it for 425 ° for 10 minutes.
Step 6: Take your pizza and put in it the oven.
[spoiler]don't just put the pizza in the oven. Put it on a nonstick sheet thing.[/spoiler]
It should take 8 to 12 minutes for it to be baked through
[spoiler]just as baked as you[/spoiler]
Then watch as your pizza begins to turn golden brown at the crusts and becomes cheesy and melty.
[spoiler]OH SHIT I FELL ASLEEP AGAIN
SATIVA MAKES ME SLUMP[/spoiler]
Step 7: pull yo pizza out the oven with some heat resistant gluvs. Then take your pizza slicer thingy and roll across it, the eat your pizza. Good night.
This has been [b][i][u]COOKING. WITH. CYLUS!!!! (wooooo)[/u][/i][/b]
[spoiler]I would like to sincerely apologize for this post, I'm slumped asf and it's really late. My mind is really fricken slow todayy hehe[/spoiler]
As for requests, feel free to pm me and put in a vote. I'll make it up to you guys with a surprise post, so vote fast.
[b][i][u]TUNE IN NEXT TIME![/u][/i][/b]