Hi Halo! Thanks for sending me the link. These looks like what could become the first parts of a miniseries and I encourage you to go on.
If I may, I would like to point out some tips that you may want to consider:
- Paragraphs. Every now and then, hit that Enter key. Having paragraphs lets the reader take his/her own pace through a story, adding spaces that act as "breathing pockets" so that the reader can get some impulse and continue.
- Add a bit more description. Your style is good and the first paragraph has very good descriptive elements. But the rest of the story lacks that. Dialogue is great, but introducing short descriptive sections helps the flow of the reading and, again, lets the reader "take a pause" from the conversation to make his/her thoughts about the story.
With that being said, you get my thumbs up, and I encourage you to write more!
English
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Chapter 3 is out!
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I agree, descriptive writing is good writing, don't be entitled to make a chapter short in fear of the audiences' opinions. There is no such thing as too much description!
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I agree ^i love this story so far, but the division between paragraphs is a must