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Edited by Bruce Wizard: 4/12/2021 8:25:41 PM
5

You want more Ult Loot Crate Fanfic? Here's even more Ult Loot Crate Fanfic!

At an early age, I began collecting loot crates. The mystery of what awaited inside them when I opened loot crates was the elating and exciting. I loved loot crates, but I loved Ult Your Holy Statueness even more. Ult Your Holy Statueness was a weeb on Bungie.net's Offtopic forum. He too styled himself as a loot crate, and even provided hindsight about what was going to be included in upcoming DLC for some videogames. When I was 12 years old I was in the middle of social studies class. I hated history. I was so BOOOOOOORRREEEEDDDD. So to occupy myself I pulled out my favorite Power Your Holy Statueness' loot crate and began playing with the contents. "Your holy statueness, what on earth are you doing?" inquired my your holy statueness. "Playing with my loot crate," I responded. "I hope there's enough loot in there to share with the rest of the class." "Ummmm..." My mind races trying to come up with an answer "Th-there isn't." My your holy statueness sighs. "Give me the loot crate." "No." "Give me the loot crate. You'll get it back after class." "No!" I yell, tears filling my eyes. Suddenly the ground begins to tremble as if monstrous footsteps approach the classroom. I smile. My god is here! Fear overtakes the entire class. All of my your holy statueness's erupt into panic and try to leave but something has blocked the door. I am the only one still in my seat, and I'm grinning ear to ear. Suddenly Ult Your Holy Statueness crashes through the wall and decks the your holy statueness, decapitating him with a single punch. My god strides forth towards my your holy statueness, they all shrink in fear before his visage. "Do you want to be included in the DLC?" He asks. "Y-y-yes." they sob. "TOO BAD!!!" With just a snap of his fingers the bones of their craniums begin to transmorph and rearange themselves, taking the shape of a loot crate. Bones and sinew snap and squelch as the your holy statueness' scream and cry in agony. Then as quickly as it had started, it had finished. Their heads were perfectly shaped fleshy rectangles. The your holy statueness' were walking, talking loot crates. Ult Your Holy Statueness turns towards me and hands me a Hanah Barbara themed loot crate. Ult Your Holy Statueness clears his throat. "Class is dismissed. PERMANANTLY!" The school bell blasts through the crisp air as the hallways flood with elated your holy statueness'. School was canceled for the whole year! Only I stayed behind. Ult Your Holy Statueness and I sat down and talked about life, loot crates, and even DLC for several games. We then walked out of the school hand in hand, and went out for ice cream. Thank you, Ult Your Holy Statueness. Ult Your Holy Statueness is love, Ult Your Holy Statueness is life. [spoiler] HAIL HYDRA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![/spoiler]

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