Oh god the ellipses, they're EVERYWHERE
Also, I'm hijacking this rp and renaming Blaze to Blaze Sparkyhands
English
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[quote]Blaze Sparkyhands[/quote] I’m renaming Sparkyhands to Sparky Sparky Boom Man.
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I'm renaming Sparky Sparky Boom Man to Zappy Zap Jazz Fingers.
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Zappy zappy jazz hands, you mean. That way he can do jazz hands.
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[b]Zappy[/b] Jazz hands!
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With such mastery of the jazz hands, it’s no wonder he was able to kill Aifos!
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[b]Wait a minute...[/b]
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Were you...resurrected?
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[quote][i]When Aifos was taken by the Skull Heart, Lord Hyness reached out across the stars, and saved a piece from Lamia’s foul influence. This piece became Parallel Aifos—a clone of himself, determined to take the Skull Heart down! Alas, Parallel met his end in the Iron Kingdom, and though his soul reunited with his other half, there was now a rift scarred into his soul—one that could never truly be healed. Parallel’s mission was taken up by Blaze, at the behest of Kokonoe, and he struck true; the Skull Heart was destroyed! Though Aifos destroyed along with it.. The fading Skull Heart clawed for its puppet, as the Amulet of Avalor desperately fought to save Aifos’ soul from Gehenna. As this tug of war hit its peak, the rift in his soul faltered, and it broke in two. Kokonoe managed to save one half—Parallel’s half—from disappearing into the afterlife. She placed it within an android, and Aifos became Xi-14. The other half—Skullheart’s half—transferred itself into the SMD, Aifos’ laser scythe. From there his soul possessed the body of a girl named Sapphire, who found the SMD in the woods. Together, they became Number Six.[/i][/quote] https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/255598580/0/0 https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/255648444/0/0
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[quote]Wowowowowow. Wow.[/quote]
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I wanted to become YoRHa instead of a Murakumo, but the only plotline I could think of to make that happen involved time travel, and a raid on the Bunker, and a lot of morally grey situations that wouldn’t fit Aifos at all. Still, Xi-14 is pretty swell. I wound up making a pretty neat moveset for him, and my YoRHa hacking skills probably wouldn’t have come in handy too much anyway.
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Yeah, still haven’t gotten over ellipses. :/ Also, that is very valid.
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Might I offer a kind em dash in these trying times: —
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This is what i'd edit, just took out the ellipi bois and just added in a few commas, transitions, and adverbs for mor atmospheres. Don't take it as gospel tho cuz i kinda suck Aram Alono sat dejectedly in his bed, staring at the broken remains of his once pure abode. His room was trashed, though that’s because he never bothered to clean up from the search that happened a mere few weeks ago. Just over a month ago, he had wed nothing less than a monster. He didn’t know what that creature was beforehand, but those glowing red eyes gave him right away. There was that girl there too, a demon in a red dress, but at least the rest of them seemed human. Even the bride, but he wasn’t going to tell anyone. He knew his full name, but he didn’t care until the monster ruined his wife. His church found out what he wed. They fired him and searched his house. But they were too scared to reveal the monster. But now, now that Aram lost his job, he couldn’t keep living here much longer. He was running out of funds, and the only thing he was good at was speaking. He decided then. It felt like it took an age to decide, but after just a few moments he stood up, grabbed his jacket from the rack, and swung open the door to the icy winds swirling outside. (Fook, idk the setting lol) He would reveal this monster, the demon of Blaze Sparkyhands.
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Just use commas 4head. It is pretty nitpicky of me, but when i'm reading, all those ellipi bois make a hiccup effect cuz there's a lot of em and a bunch of em are in the middle of sentences. I can tell you're putting them in plaves where you want there to be a pause (wooo draaaammmaaaaaaa), which is good, but, to me, you're underestimating the length of the pause that an ellipsis makes. The same effect can be made just by using commas.