GODDAMMIT I'm almost a month late!!!

I can fly like a bird. I'd show ya, but then I'd get banned.

PM or it didn't happen

Was it anything like this? [spoiler][quote]I woke up to hear and smell the dirt. I looked outside only to see the rest of my neighbourhood. I got dressed and walked downstairs to have breakfast. I opened the walk-in pantry, then there he was. Troy was dressed as a banana again. I felt the rage rise through me. From my feet, up through my knees, into my thighs. The rage formed in my tęsticles too, eventually reaching my brain. It made me smell sperm. I reached out my hand acting like I'd help Troy up but instead, I flung him over my shoulder. He hit the ground splattering his bananay essence all over the kitchen floor. I screamed at him, "You know why I don't have bananas!!! You know what they did to me!!!" Troy broke into tears. His suit was expensive and I was shouting at him. I'm going to have to pay for that suit. "What do you want me to do, to stop you dressing as a banana?" I calmly said Troy looked at me blankly. He softly whispered potatoes. My eyes widened with shock. Did he mean what I thought he meant? I looked at him and cocked my head, which asked him if it meant what I thought it meant. He nodded. I hadn't done this in years. [b]13 years earlier[/b] My flatmate, Jame, returned with 69kg of potatoes. All 6 of us had no idea what to do with them. My girlfriend, Rachel suggested we sell them. Jame wasn't very keen on that. Sue almost fainted and Troy had a smirk on his face. Alex really wasn't bothered about it. "Potatoes are amazing things," announced Troy, "you can mash them, bake them, fry them and even make them into alcohol. But they have never been used for a physical purpose other than throwing at people." I was getting worried, Troy was avoiding eye contact with Rachel and myself. "I wonder if they can be used when babies are made." Questioned Troy, now looking at us. Jame and Sue burst into tears of laughter. Alex popped up when he heard something about sex. I went pink with embarrassment but Rachel seemed liked she wanted to embrace it. It became a joke over the next few days. Sadly no one wanted to eat the potatoes. It was a Sunday morning when Jame, Sue and Alex had left to France for a holiday. Troy was having a bad hangover and refused to get out of bed, mostly he was sleeping like a baby. I could smell dirt and gravy. I walked to the kitchen to find Rachel in her underwear, mashing potatoes and making gravy. I was confused and horny. She looked at me and said in a sexy voice, "let's use potatoes and fuçk" Did she just offer to have sex? I was beyond happy and went straight back to bed. Rachel entered the room with a huge pot of potatoes and gravy. She stripped nude and smothered herself in the stuff. I was suprised at how horny this made me. I quickly did the same. And then we fuçked. It was so amazing that we knocked the pot onto the bed and potatoes went everywhere. But that only enhanced the experience. The White fluffy texture against my nude dick made me go faster harder, and gave me more pleasure. Rachel was orgasming with the potato too. Then Troy walked in. The potato sexiness was extremely sexy to him. But he hid it well. Just when he was about to leave us to continue our potato mash the window shattered open, a ninja entered and threw bananas randomly. I successfully pushed him out the window and he landed on his neck killing him. His bananay blood sprayed the ground outside. I looked back at Rachel's corpse to see the bananas sticking out her back. The White mash now red. She had been assassinated by a banana ninja. [b]Present Day[/b] I agreed to Troys offer. I'll have potato sex with my newest girlfriend before proposing to her. I thought about how I could enhance the experience this time. I thought about it regularly, the best ideas usually came to me over a bowl of Cheerios. I decided I would use a thicker gravy and various types of potato. Now was the day. It was 7:00PM on a cold winters day. No one was home but me and my girlfriend Chloe. I mashed the potatoes and made thick gravy. I went to bed as I waited for it to cool down. Within a few minutes Chloe entered with a massive tub filled the the whites, creams, Browns and oranges of different potatoes and gravy. Chloe looked horny, she was weird that way, you could tell if she was horny by her facial expression. I got up we started making out, stripping and smothering our selfs in potatoes. The warm potatoes gave me a sensation that I've never felt before. A tingling sensation as the warm gravy spilled into my dick and her vagina. Potatoes made this so much better...[/quote][/spoiler]

Pics or it never happened [spoiler] ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) [/spoiler]

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