> Be me. > Live in a rural area and the only one for miles. The nearby marshland keeps tourists away. > My only friend acts like an ass and mooches off me every now and then. > Since I'm by myself I don't eat healthy. I'm pretty ugly and quite large. > Anyway, I see a faint red glow in the distance. > I check to see what it is, turns out is a -blam!-ing mob torches and all coming to lynch me for being of a different skin color. > -blam!-ing racists. > I run back home as fast as possible. > SetUpAmbush.exe > When they arrive I bust out of a bush and rush them arms flailing. > I'm clumsy but surprisingly everyone in the mob is almost a foot shorter than me. > Their attacks do nothing and I easily fight them off. > They run away like the cowards they are and threaten to sick "the law" on me. > As they are almost out of sight I scream "THIS IS MY SWAMP!" > MFW I'm Shrek.