> Be me.
> Live in a rural area and the only one for miles. The nearby marshland keeps tourists away.
> My only friend acts like an ass and mooches off me every now and then.
> Since I'm by myself I don't eat healthy. I'm pretty ugly and quite large.
> Anyway, I see a faint red glow in the distance.
> I check to see what it is, turns out is a -blam!-ing mob torches and all coming to lynch me for being of a different skin color.
> -blam!-ing racists.
> I run back home as fast as possible.
> SetUpAmbush.exe
> When they arrive I bust out of a bush and rush them arms flailing.
> I'm clumsy but surprisingly everyone in the mob is almost a foot shorter than me.
> Their attacks do nothing and I easily fight them off.
> They run away like the cowards they are and threaten to sick "the law" on me.
> As they are almost out of sight I scream "THIS IS MY SWAMP!"
> MFW I'm Shrek.
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Saw that coming as soon as I saw the line about the ass after the swamp part.
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New it was coming as soon as you mentioned the mob. XD