Re point 1: i don't know which console you use, but certainly on PS4 you can adjust the in-headset game and chat volumes, which is exactly what you want. Don't know about other consoles, but surely they also have this feature?
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Which headset? I'm using the Turtle Beach Black Ops 2 Tango edition, yet I have to to through the PS4 audio device settings to change game and chat audio.
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We usually use the ps4 party chat as it has a setting to prioritize party chat volume over game volume.
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I can do it on my headset, it's the plausible l playstation 2.0 or ps gold I think