U.S. Pacific Fleet Claims Garbage Island As US Territory
[url]http://www.duffelblog.com/2014/05/us-navy-garbage-island/#!PhaN6[/url]
[quote]Emphasizing America’s profound cultural ties with garbage and refuse of all kinds, a Navy spokesperson aboard the destroyer USS Milius trumpeted the acquisition as an “emotional homecoming” for the billion-some plastic water bottle caps, knotted trash bags, and used tampon applicators that constitute the Texas-sized mass.
“What a joy to be finally reunited with these endless tokens of American excess,” the spokesperson told reporters. “Let freedom ring!”
Garbage Island marks the first addition to the United States’ list of territories since the Northern Mariana Islands in 1978. While responses in the West have been overwhelmingly positive, the move has sparked controversy with heads of state in Beijing who assert equal claim to the island.
“For decades, we Chinese have demonstrated a profound and steadfast commitment to the destruction of global ecosystems,” said one official, going on to explain the “almost-spiritual” connection he feels with Garbage Island. “Besides, most of that junk was ‘Made in China’ in the first place.”
At press time, Chinese warships were en route to the garbage patch, while diplomats in Washington and Beijing scheduled hasty, high-level consultations to determine which nation is rightfully entitled to all that shit.[/quote]
TAKE THAT CHINA!
Another fine addition to the US of A!
Your role as a moderator enables you immediately ban this user from messaging (bypassing the report queue) if you select a punishment.
7 Day Ban
7 Day Ban
30 Day Ban
Permanent Ban
This site uses cookies to provide you with the best possible user experience. By clicking 'Accept', you agree to the policies documented at Cookie Policy and Privacy Policy.
Accept
This site uses cookies to provide you with the best possible user experience. By continuing to use this site, you agree to the policies documented at Cookie Policy and Privacy Policy.
close
Our policies have recently changed. By clicking 'Accept', you agree to the updated policies documented at Cookie Policy and Privacy Policy.
Accept
Our policies have recently changed. By continuing to use this site, you agree to the updated policies documented at Cookie Policy and Privacy Policy.