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originally posted in:The Black Garden
12/20/2013 8:10:50 AM
4
Wow, this is really very good.
The imagery you've created is very clear and consistent, and the characters are as well defined as you could make them in such a short piece. I'm a fan of your character dialogue most of all; a lot of fanfic tends to be padded with a lot of cliché, but you managed to keep everything very natural and realistic. My only suggestion is that this could benefit greatly from a proof-read.
I'm kind of surprised nobody else has commented on this yet. Where can I read more?
English
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Edited by The old North: 12/20/2013 6:34:55 PMOh, thanks for the comments, glad you liked it. I really liked writing this piece. I've been too busy to write any more, I might get back to it now. This is the only fan-fiction I've written in the last few years, the scope of the destiny word really excited me so I had to have a go at writing something for it. I did another short story a while ago but it was more of a warm up for this one really. And yes I probably do need to proof read more, I'm Dyslexic so I tend to spell everything wrong and get all the wheres/weres mixed up a lot.
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Still, really high quality stuff. Might try track down some more of your writing.
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the second part of this story is up now if your interested, Its in the same document, Its titled so should be easy enough to find without reading the whole thing again to find your place.
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here's a link to the Previous destiny story I did, as I said before, this older story was more of a warm up for the current one.
