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1/31/2013 1:39:52 PM
28
Teenage Girl Blossoming Into Beautiful Object
[url=http://www.theonion.com/articles/teenage-girl-blossoming-into-beautiful-object,31061/]The beautiful object, 17.
And full article.[/url]
[quote]Parker’s classmates at Wakefield High School are reportedly captivated by the adolescent’s transition from a young woman into an eye-catching repository for male gratification. High school senior Kevin Turner said that Parker had become a particularly alluring instrument of purely physical pleasure in the months since she was a young, conscious, independent preteen girl.
“I grew up with Ashley and never thought much of her before, but over the last year or so, I really started to see her for the beautiful little piece of equipment she is,” said Turner, expressing enthusiasm for how the teen had evolved into a dazzling sexual apparatus. “I’m thinking of asking that mere receptacle to prom.”
“Take a look at it,” added Turner of the former human being. “I can think of a lot of things I’d like to do with that.”[/quote]
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1 ReplyThe wording in the article is fantastic.
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So glad I decided to come check out The Flood today.
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What is this? I dont even.....
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3 RepliesEdited by HaloBeforeHoes: 2/1/2013 12:38:57 AMRelevant Kinda Hoes I bang after a good game of Slayer
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Edited by Seanonix: 2/1/2013 7:40:22 PM"...added Turner of the [i]former human being[/i]." ahahah
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WTF. Must be one small town...
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Ah, the Onion. This might be the first post I've liked.
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[quote]Edmund Powell, Parker’s history teacher, echoed the sentiment of many pupils, claiming that he was impressed by the junior’s transformation from an honor roll student and sentient human being into a lovely piece of meat./[quote] yes. yes and yes.
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2 RepliesCracked > TheOnion.
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and bunie.net returns to its true purpose ... took longer than I expected.
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I'd percuss that object.
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I bang her until my bed collapses.
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Onions
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And here i go, expecting to get nude pics... Guess i can zip my pants now.
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6 RepliesI love the onion. They make me smile.
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I was not going to click this until I saw the author. Funny stuff.
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LOL theonion.
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Too young.
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2 RepliesI have never read an article on the onion so I am somewhat confused. The article is implying that this girl is becoming a promiscuous woman?
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3 RepliesWhy hasn't the Onion been changed to the Mango yet? I demand it.
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2 RepliesI don't see the point of linking onion articles.
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Even though this is satire, it's still much more newsworthy than the majority of crap I see on the news.
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1 ReplyJust remember it is an Onion news article folks.
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I kept a straight face until "[i]receptacle[/i]". Well played, Onion. Well played.
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1 ReplyEdited by Circadian Wolf: 1/31/2013 2:19:52 PMWhat the -blam!- is up with that article. Don't news reporters have anything better to do with their time? She's not even that hot. [quote]Just remember it is an Onion news article folks.[/quote] *Wipes brow with relief that people aren't actually that stupid* Oh wait... They are.
