So I've only played since quarantine, and that was because only now I've had the opportunity. I like this game. I enjoy a lot of it. Lore and style and tone and play, and the only thing I have not tried is Trials, but only because Saint-14 scares me. No, seriously, the chipper Russian Exo feeding birds scares me. But I do come to a problem, and one I don't intend to voice as simply someone who is bad at Crucible. I'll touch on it briefly, but I don't enjoy Crucible. With or without friends. Despite my desire to acquire the associated pinnacle weapons (though with sunsetting as it is in the present, it looks to not matter anyway), it hasn't been good for me to play Crucible or similar PvP activities, regardless of my relative skill or lack thereof. I've decided that it's not for me, and I won't push myself against it if it brings no joy and only makes me angry, and my friends sad because it makes me angry. But despite that, questions linger in my mind, questions I can't answer myself. I want to present a question to the community. What, in your relative time since starting the game and entering Crucible, Trials, and Iron Banner, has your experience with these activites been like? Since I can't play (or won't for one reason or another) in such activities, I want to know what it's like for you, gauge a medium between the responses. Answer as you like, I won't be responding to the answers after this post, though I will read them. -EDIT- I know I said I wouldn't respond, but I have to make an amendment to the prefacing surrounding my question. I don't want to take it seriously. I'm getting impressions that no one should unless you're trying to make a career out of it or you're competent enough with your ability that such a thing isn't stressful in the way that it is for filthy casuals like yours truly. And that's another thing I must amend. I do hereby proclaim myself a novice, but apparently according to my friends I'm not hot garbage, and according to one whom I take seriously and respect on a level I won't describe here, I'm [i]better[/i] than them, and they're experienced, having played since around launch. I don't want to call them a liar, but the numbers mean nothing to me. As far as I was concerned playing Crucible, the only thing that mattered was getting the pinnacle weapons. I did try to have fun, but none of the weapons on the grind were ones that fit what I was good at — being a horrible titan with AWR and a Hard Light holding corners and suppressing targets on Control (by all means, critisise how braindead that is, I've only played for, what, eight months? (being locked in is driving me nuts)). It was difficult to have fun with weapons that required more skilled use than just standing at a corner, aiming at a corner down a hall or choke, and spray to discourage the curious. Scouts and pulses are hard to use, and the difference in rounds down range in comparison to spray and pray autos meant I was less likely to hit. Securing kills wasn't important, I often made more wins with fewer kills and left that to everyone else, instead securing points (I should also note that until I learned of the Recluse and Mountaintop's requirements for Glory because Triumph unlocks I only ever played Control unless coerced by friends because I valued their company more than my suffering) and keeping opponents away from them. [i]That,[/i] I want to think I was good at. But when the game turned from letting me be a disgusting area denial tool (I don't think highly of myself, if it wasn't evident) and told me to get the best, and complete the collection, I had to be the piece of -blam!-, sweaty tryharding, fun hating, unlock abusing, dog kicking, baby punching, Bambi's mother killing, double parking, Game of Thrones spoiling, making plans and backing out at the last minute, lemon stealing, talking in the middle of [i]Seinfeld,[/i] Mei maining, shitposting little -blam!- (name that reference, I'm just using it for a joke, I don't perceive most players this way, though there was one guy using the Curse of Osiris selfie emote after every kill on my sixth game) I always despited playing against, it became far more serious than I wanted. I mean, it's hard to play casually when to get them unlocked you need to do things that require more skill, more brainpower, and are generally frustrating to play against, let alone with if you're not accustomed to it, right? I know this sounds whiny, might very well be, but when all you've played with is autos, subs, machines, shotties, and for Forsaken lols, a bow in PvE, asking you to use precision weapons and hand cannons for exotics (I don't have Thorn, or Ace of Spades, or even Lumina, go on, laugh) and pinnacles against players, which are far more less predictable, can adapt, and are often far and above your level of play or if not are more sensible with positioning and experienced with high skill weapons, it's difficult to not take it seriously when being casual with those guns doesn't afford you opportunities to secure a kill which is needed to get progress (assists don't count and as far as I know have never counted). Now I'm just rambling, but I hope that explains some of my internal thought process. I want the guns, I don't see a way to obtain them casually, and as far as I've read and seen it's really not possible unless you spend two years doing it. Since such a style doesn't suit me, and has actively brought me harm, I don't want to pursue guns that are apparently drenched in the blood of your enemies, and mixed with sweat tainted in rage and frustration (my interpretation of it, could be wrong, probably am), since it's not fun, I'm not good, I won't play, and instead do something else like read the backlog of books I've gotten since last Christmas. Unless someone brings up a good point, I [i]should not[/i] respond again, and if I do, by all means flame me because by then it's my own fault, and I'll probably be crying salt by then.