So Sol and Badger are half enemies, I like that. It makes the rest of the team wonder if and/or when things will come to a fight

[quote][i]Legends, stories scattered through time. Mankind has grown quite found of recounting the stories of heroes and villains, forgetting so easily that we are remnants, byproducts of a-[/i][/quote] solid intro [quote]*Badger yells from across the room* “Wrong story dipshit![/quote] Flip this, get rid of the garbage asterisks, throw in an extra “ and suddenly you’re writing at a fourth grade level. [quote]“I actually liked it” Squirrel said shyly “No one cares” sighed Badger “I’m sorry guys, I’ve been staying up to late” said Shprang. [/quote] For the love of Christ, please learn how to punctuate things. Please. Also, Google “To” then Google “Too” and you might as well Google “Two [quote]Vex yells “what the hell is happening in here!” [/quote] If he really wanted to know, maybe he’d have used one of these -> ? [quote] “I don’t really know, I was just trying to act cool” said Shprang. “I know, that’s the problem.” Said Badger “I actually liked it until Badger fućked it up” said Sol, turning off his Cloak.[/quote] what the -blam!- is this dialogue? [quote]“Holy shit your really creepy, you know that Sol?” Said Badger, scanning around the room for more hidden people.[/quote] I’ll ignore the absolutely stellar comedy and world building to point out the glaringly obvious [i]your[/i]. It’s not -blam!-ing hard. [quote]“I’m proud of it” sneered Sol *Badger flashes Sol the Middle Finger* “No u” says Sol. As Sol says this, Shprang sighs “ we are motherfućking Pilots for God’s sake, why can’t we get along.” “Because Sol is a idiot” says Badger. “Because Badger is a fućking simpleton” Says Sol. “Because I have nothing better to do” remarks Vex.[/quote] seriously what the -blam!- am I reading? [quote]“Because I want to spend as much time as I can in this air-conditioned ship as possible, and not down their in that desert hellscape down there” complains Badger [quote]not down their [quote]their[/quote][/quote][/quote] ur taking the -blam!-ing piss [quote]“Wrap it in ladies, we should probably go” Inquires Artemis.[/quote] -blam!- me, wrap it in? Jesus Christ. [quote]“Hades is fućking hell, no doubt about it. But it is our mission, and we most uphold it” says Ajax.[/quote] lmao [quote]“He has a point” adds Vex.[/quote] lmfao [quote]“Ajax, you are going to first person to die I hope you know that. You are way to patriotic.” Says Badger [quote]to[/quote][/quote] ... [quote]*VPHammer looks up from the book he’s reading* “Ajax has a nice argument. Do you know what else is nice? This book. So please shut up before I get an aneurysm”[/quote] speaking of aneurysms [quote]Everyone: “FINE”[/quote] Why do these trained professionals who kill people for a living have the temperament of spoiled toddlers? [quote]*as everyone gets up, you can see the living hell going on Hades from the viewport* You get used to it at this point.[/quote] Not to gripe but maybe you could, I don’t know, [i]-blam!-ing describe it[/i].

Dialogue is so funny.

Hmmm... I think you got down quite the stuff with the dialogue. Try to incorporate setting descriptions tho. Makes it all the more easier to put images into people’s heads.... like the Cheerios story.... anyways, BUMP

I change my username to [i]not[/i] be an unpronounceable clusterfúck and people still can't get it right? Jk, I'm pumped for this.

OoF [spoiler]Think Vex usally talks in third person[/spoiler]

This sucked, but whatever. I’m trying guys. [spoiler]Self Bump[/spoiler]

Bump. Looks good.