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6/11/2009 12:54:28 AM
440
MLG Cheehwawa's ** Halo REACH script ** (+REACH 2 preview!)
[b]Halo: REACH[/b]
[i]by MLG Cheehwawa[/i]
[b]*** // [u]PLEASE POST YOUR THOUGHTS TO KEEP THIS THREAD ALIVE. A LOT OF WORK WENT INTO IMAGINING, RESEARCHING, WRITING, AND EDITING THIS... ALL DONE BY ME. THANKS![/u] \\ ***[/b]
[b]** [i]Moderator-approved[/i] **[/b]
[b][u]DISCLAIMERS[/b][/u]
[i]This is entirely my creation (I have borrowed lines directly from some novels to tie this in with the existing canon); I have no affiliation with Bungie studios and do not claim to know what Halo REACH will be about. This is my idea for what REACH would be like [b]if[/b] I were the writer on the project. A lot of this has been crafted by me, and not taken directly from the Halo canon (namely characters, locations, battles, and ships), but to the best of my knowledge, it does not conflict with the canon at all. If it does, let me know so I can tweak it.[/i]
[b]The numbering question:[/b] [i]Sierra-259 and Sierra-320 have call-signs above 150, the original number of Spartan-II candidates. My explanation for this is that there was a large pool of children surveyed (at least 320). Then of those, 150 of the best were selected, and of those, only 75 were conscripted due to budget limitations.[/i]
The script is all complete and posted. This is definitely not the end of the story, though. I have designed this to be a trilogy of games. I'm working on the first sequal now, which will run parallel with the beginning of Halo 2 and some of Ghosts of Onyx, but it will be a new story like with my first script.
Halo REACH 2 will show us numerous things which Bungie hasn't told us about, that you will find out as I post. I don't know how fast I will be able to get the sequal done, though I already have the backbone for the first and second sequals, as well as the [url=http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=35589354]first cinematic[/url] (Harbinger), as well as about half of the first mission, for REACH 2. I'm starting at a full time job tomorrow and another semester at college late this month. I will get this done as fast as possible.
[b]IF YOU DO NOT WANT MY STORY SPOILED, I SUGGEST YOU AVOID THE BESTIARUM AND DRAMATIS PERSONAE UNTIL SOMETHING IN THE STORY CONFUSES YOU.[/b] Otherwise you may know how the story ends before you even begin.
[b]I write this for three reasons:[/b]
[b]1.[/b] Because I love the Halo Universe. [b]2.[/b] I am the writer for a small game developing studio. This is good practice for my current and future work. [b]3.[/b] To share my story; a lot of effort went into this, so please give it a read and leave some feedback if you have the time.
[i]I hope you enjoy this piece as much as I enjoyed researching and writing it.[/i]
[b][u]Halo REACH[/b][/u][quote]
[b]0: [u]Introduction[/b][/u] ([i]this![/i])
[b]I: [u]Dramatis personae[/b][/u] ([url=http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=33693067]Part 1[/url])
[b]II: [u]Bestiarum[/b][/u] ([url=http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=33693087]Part 1[/url] ll [url=http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=33693155]Part 2[/url])
[b]III: [u]The Pillar of Autumn[/b][/u] ([url=http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=33693221]Part 1[/url] ll [url=http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=33693234]Part 2[/url])
[b]IV: [u]Reach[/b][/u] ([url=http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=33694166]Part 1[/url] ll [url=http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=33694189]Part 2[/url])
[b]V: [u]The Grid[/u][/b] ([url=http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=33722631]Part 1[/url] ll [url=http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=33722679]Part 2[/url])
[b]VI: [u]The Divine Retribution[/u][/b] ([url=http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=33823721]Part 1[/url] ll [url=http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=33823737]Part 2[/url] ll [url=http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=33823770]Part 3[/url])
[b]VII: [u]Camp Independence[/u][/b] ([url=http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=33883434]Part 1[/url] ll [url=http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=33883449]Part 2[/url] ll [url=http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=33883459]Part 3[/url])
[b]VIII: [u]Ruins[/u][/b] ([url=http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=33939360]Part 1[/url] ll [url=http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=33939382]Part 2[/url] ll [url=http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=33939415]Part 3[/url])
[b]IX: [u]Graves[/u][/b] ([url=http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=33954239]Part 1[/url] ll [url=http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=33954252]Part 2[/url] ll [url=http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=33954269]Part 3[/url] ll [url=http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=33954281]Part 4[/url] ll [url=http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=33954297]Part 5[/url])
[b]X: [u]Asterion[/u][/b] ([url=http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=33966708]Part 1[/url] ll [url=http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=33966723]Part 2[/url])
[b]XI: [u]Pathways[/u][/b] ([url=http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=33967345]Part 1[/url] ll [url=http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=33968437]Part 2[/url])
[b]XII: [u]Revalation[/u][/b] ([url=http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=33986238]Part 1[/url] ll [url=http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=33986267]Part 2[/url] ll [url=http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=33986285]Part 3[/url])
[b]XIII: [u]Ghosts of Reach[/u][/b] ([url=http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=33991656]Part 1[/url] ll [url=http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=33992667]Part 2[/url] ll [url=http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=33992722]Part 3[/url])
[b]XIV: [u]Credits[/b][/u] ([url=http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=33693275]Part 1[/url])
[b]XV: [u]Legendary Ending[/u][/b] ([url=http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=33999918]Part 1[/url])
[/quote]
[b][u]Halo REACH 2[/u] (preview)[/b][quote]
[b]Harbinger:[/b] ([url=http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=35589354]Part 1[/url] ll [url=http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=35589441]Part 2[/url])
[b]Notes[/b] ([url=http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=36475503]Part 1[/url] ll [url=http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=36475530]Part 2[/url])
[Edited on 08.30.2009 6:52 PM PDT]
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I forgot to write that i love the way you show family. The way Xytan and Raum are shown is great because it shows that the Covenant aren't just heartless bastards, they actually have feelings and can love.
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Not that I'm stating it would be a bad game idea because it would be brilliant but it's starting to sound more like a book.I have no doubt that many of people would read it if it was mass produced though. [Edited on 07.27.2009 7:34 AM PDT]
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Wow, Great job on the script. The script felt like Bungie made this and it could easily become a real Halo game. If Halo Reach is anything like this it would be epic. You sould go to bungie and ask for a job right now and make Halo Reach THIS. Thanks for making this and well done.
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Just finished reading. Great job on the story, i hope somebody from Bungie reads it and incorporates some of your ideas. You may want to go back and edit the spelling and gramatical errors i found just to make it read easier. All the best with your company, i think it'll do well as you are a great writer.
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Ghosts of Reach part 3 editing: [quote]Medium: the Spartans, minus S259, walk towards one of the many doors inside of the hangar. [b]S098 has walks[/b] next to the three Spartans hefting the NOVA, and she wields her sniper rifle.[/quote] "[b]has[/b] walks" should just be "walks".
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This deserves praise from Bungie. I
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Revalation part 2 editing: [quote] IMPERIOUS: You will perish. Like the [b]Forerunner[/b]. Join my Makers![/quote] As before Forerunner[b]s[/b] would make more sense here than forerunner.
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Editing revelations part 1: [quote]Long: the sluggish elevator has come to a stop [b]four hundred meters of meters down.[/b] The beam of light still glows brightly.[/quote] "Four hundred meters of meters down" would make more sense as just "Four hundred meters down".
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I hate fan-fiction with a passion (yes scripts count as fan-fiction). Don't get me wrong you're very talented, just save that talent for something that doesn't bore me to death.
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Pathways part 1 editing: [quote]Close, tracking: the Spartans enter the doorway, and IMPERIOUS GUARDIAN, in his Sentinel-form, continues to sputter on, not knowing the Spartans stopped. Inside the building, the normally-sterile alien surfaces are splashed with green blood. Strange [b]fugus-like[/b] objects deform the geometric surfaces.[/quote] You spelt fungus "fugus".
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The gameplay and story ideas are just... wow! You must have spent days doing this!
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Editing for astertion part 2: [quote]The player takes control again.The door clamps shut behind them, apparently locked by IMPERIOUS GUARDIAN. They are in a half-moon-shaped landing, with stairs leading down to a massive, [b]crescant-shaped[/b] room. The room is flat for about fifty meters, and then it changes into a massive labyrinth constructed out of the classic Forerunner stone-metal hybrid. The player proceeds across the shiny floor to the labyrinth entrance, where the Covenant can be spied behind the walls. Their shouts are amplified by the room's walls. Within the labyrinth, IMPERIOUS GUARDIAN guides the Spartans through the treacherous maze of life and death.[/quote] You spelt crescent "crescant". [quote]Extreme close: focus on S259's hands as he slips off his armoured gauntlet and pushes his palm against the smooth door. It glows around the outline of his hand, and then he draws his hand back in pain.[/quote] Here it would be good to mention the extreme paleness of his hand.
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Wow! Good facts, good ideas, good everything! This really sounds like it could be a game!
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Astertion part 1 editing: [quote] The player takes control now. The Betas silence the Grunt quickly, but the alert has been sent. A massive swarm of Drones flutter up from the trees, and the Spartans need to survive their [b]onslought[/b] while pushing toward the navpoint marking the Covenant motor pool. After most of the Drones have been neutralized, Grunts, Jackals, and Elites join in the fight. The Spartans battle across the steep cliff edge, moving down in an S-pattern down from the plateau toward ground level. Numerous rounded gulleys dot the path down, all of them filled with Covenant.[/quote] Onslaught is spelt with an A not a 2nd O. [quote]Close: the Spartans enter the structure, and a massive door closes behind them. They stop and look around, not noticing any [b]enmies[/b]. A mechanical voice rings out from above; IMPERIOUS GUARDIAN.[/quote] You spelt enemies "enmies". [quote]A light activates at the end of the wide room [b]abd[/b] the Spartans turn to face it.[/quote] You spelt and "abd".
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Graves part 5 editing: [qupte]WHITCOMB (COM):: Good. Get there. Be advised: [b]there's is heavy[/b] Covenant activity in that area, but intelligence has revealed... a structure.[/quote] "There[b]'s[/b] is" should be "there is".
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Graves part 3 editing: [quote] GRAVES: 'Demons'? Wish I [b]would?ve[/b] thought of tha--[/quote] "Would've"
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Jacob, I wish I had someone like you evaluating my fan fictions. I truly do.
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Graves part 2 editing: [quote]They continue inward; more people are inside of the structure, they wear ordinary civilian clothes and glare knives at the Spartans, causing you to become suspicious. But your mission still stands: make your way to whoever is the ranking officer here, and see how you can help them. The station has been [b]sheered[/b] in half and warped around the sides; a massive circular clearing sits in the center of the "inner" part of the base, and it is ringed by numerous mounted turrets. [/quote] "Sheered in half" should be "She[b]a[/b]red in half" [quote]The player has control over the movement of his head from left to right. He sees his fellow Betas, all slumped against [b]a wall like he[/b], and the men standing in front of him. One, a middle aged man, Gerald GRAVES, with medium length hair, walks over to S259, crouches down, and stares into his face. He is flanked by men wearing MJOLNIR Mk II power armor, severely outdated and confined by wall-plugs. They heft machinegun turrets.[/quote] "Like he" should be "Like he is" or "Like him"
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Graves part 1 editing: [quote]TANAKA: Sir, the forces [b]their[/b] cannot be routed. There's over 50,000 Covenant troops in that valley. We think they're digging. We don't know what for.[/quote] "Their" should be "there".
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Editing on Ruins part 3: [quote]Extreme close: focus on S066's head.[b][/i][/b][/quote] You messed up the text formatting on this line so that only half of it is in italics and the [/i] appears. [quote]The player takes control now. They must navigate through a narrow subterranean [b]passage way[/b] flooded in red light, through numerous 'airlocks,' the latter ones have been compromised by Covenant Elites, Grunts, Jackals, and Brutes.[/quote] I believe that passageway is all one word.
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Ruins part 2 editing: [quote] LIEUTENANT: The Covenant overran us here yesterday. I've been stuck in this fuelling depot ever since. They locked all of the entrances. { he pauses for a moment. } We [b]couldn't used some help.[/b][/quote] "We couldn't used some help" should be "We could[b]'ve[/b] used some help". [quote]Medium: the door begins to shut, from the bottom, extending upwards. [b]It is nearly a three meters thick.[/b] The Spartans stand inside, motionless, while RAUM furiously rushes, roaring in rage. He's not going to make it.[/quote] "it is nearly [b]a[/b] three meters thick" should be "it is nearly three meters thick"
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Wolverfrog I don't mean to seem a drag, but why hasn't this been moved to the Gallery forum? It's essentially a fan fiction, and the rules state that they must be posted in the Gallery.[/quote] It relates to Reach as well though, i do see your point.
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Two small things on Ruins part 1: [quote]MARINE (COM: Answer my question.[/quote] You missed the close bracket. [quote]MARINE (COM): Running away? { he speaks to someone away from his microphone. } They're [b]buggin[/b]? out! Let's get those bastards! { he speaks into the COM once more. } Try to lure the other one to the fuelling depot.[/quote] "Buggin" needs an apostrophe at the end=Buggin[b]'[/b].
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Camp Independence (does independence wear a cravat?) part 2 needs editing: [quote]The player takes control now. The Spartans and RAWLEY travel across the cliff edge, shouts from the [b]Covenant below amplified by the slanting valley-walls[/b]. They first approach a troop of Jackals setting up a camp. You can kill them around their camp fire, or sneak past, using boulders and brush as cover. A small series of caves leads gradually closer to the base of the mountain. A waterfall empties into a large lake. The lake sprouts a stream which meanders lazily through a narrow valley, the host to numerous Covenant camps, but no search activities. At the end of the valley is a narrow pass, devoid of enemies, but beyond in a larger valley draped in blue moonlight is a virtual sea of Covenant. These troops are active; they scour the countryside, burning down trees, overturning large boulders, launching mortars at cliff-faces. A navpoint appears at the end of this massive valley.[/quote] "shouts from the Covenant below amplified by the slanting valley-walls" shoul be "shouts from the Covenant below [b]are[/b] amplified by the slanting valley-walls" [quote]In the first quadrant of the valley, large groups of Grunts are being ordered about by few Elites. Phalanxes of Jackals mill about, itching for a fight. A pair of Hunters wait behind a massive boulder, which appears to have just recently rolled into the lush valley, sodden by so many Covenant feet. A massive natural rock-wall separate this section of the valley from the next, [b]which is host to many fur trees[/b] in the process of being burned down by plasma and bulldozed by a lone Wraith tank. Numerous infantry roam in this section. There are two ways into the third and final region of the valley; a large cave on the left, or a narrow pass on the right. The cave is guarded by a pair of Hunters, while the pass is guarded by numerous Elites, commanding clusters of frightened Grunts.[/quote] "Fir trees" not "Fur trees" [quote]The third section is a scene of desolation; all of the trees have been burned to the ground or splintered. A trio of Wraith tanks sits on the far end, while dropships drop in and lift off in numerous intervals, at least four on the ground at all times. The lake in the center of the region has been completely evaporated by the close-range plasma usage. [b]A pair of Banshee flier patrols the skies[/b], seeking out Whitcomb. The Spartans need to fight across the length of this section, about five hundred meters, to a gaping cave at the opposite end. The cave can be used as cover to hold back the constant influx of Covenant, or you can climb through a hole in the cave roof and gain a height advantage over the field. After a significant amount of Covenant troops have been killed, S044 comes in over the COM:[/quote] "A pair of banshee flier" should be "a pair of banshee flier[b]s[/b]".
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I don't mean to seem a drag, but why hasn't this been moved to the Gallery forum? It's essentially a fan fiction, and the rules state that they must be posted in the Gallery.
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Camp Independence (This independence is absolutely fabulous) part 1: [quote]RAUM: Demons! You disgrace this world and the Forerunner with your filthy footsteps![/quote] Forerunner might make more sense as Forerunners and again in the line after. [quote]RAWLEY: ...Forerunner..?[/quote] [quote]Close, mounted: the camera is mounted on S259's shoulder. His vision is glued to where the Elite fled; he holds for a moment, and then, [b]convinced the Elite gone[/b], turns toward the source of the distractive fire. From behind an outcrop of rocks, three seven-foot-tall figures emerge. Anton-044, Grace-093, and Li-008. Team Gamma.[/quote] Should be "Convinced the Elite [b]is[/b] gone" [Edited on 07.22.2009 7:48 AM PDT]
