Well then I shall tell you. The Brits had recently increased taxes on tea, and as you may recall learning about I'm history there was a great pussy shortage, so most men relied on tea for pleaser and relaxation. Agitated that tea was being taxed, they prayed to the ogre lord for help but to no avail. They took up arms in the name of all that is shrek, trying to force the Brits out of their swamp. But they were being rekt left and right, the Brits were reking them and there was nothing they could do. Their fight for independence would've been over had they not discovered the power of anal sex. Through anal sex, men were able to have sex with each other both relaxing and pleasuring while also fixing constipation. This made the colonists able to power through the great pussy shortage and push back the Brits. They pushed them to their final stand off, but they couldn't eradicate them for the Brits were too heavily fortified....it all seemed to be wasted effort. That's when the ogre lord himself stepped down from the holy swamp, and went to each of the Brits himself and bludgeoned them to death with his eshrekt penis. After the last of the Brits were done being impaled the ogre sized cock, the colonists ran to shrek and told them that they'd name their country after him and they'd worship him forever. He told them, no lass name it America and let freedom ring. And ever since that day, we've worshiped and have had freedom since the ogre lord helped brake out shackles. The Brits however..... ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Just ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ⌐■-■ Got (⌐■ ͜ʖ ■) Rekt