Crota here.
Good news! Bungie patched my arthritis/knee glitch for Hard Mode and I'm finally able to stand up again. And since Guardians can no longer cheese me, its time for us to cheese some Guardians!
I'll be on XBL all weekend cheesing Guardians, and I'll have plenty of open fireteam slots for any level 33 Hive looking for some easy loot drops. I have the HM CE Guardian checkpoint on all 3 toons. We are going to be exploiting a long list of known glitches to cheese Guardians, so minimal playing skill is required. Just join up and get your loot drops.
First, a few ground rules. I'm only taking level 33's. Don't even message me if you're 32. Why? Well because it's a level 32 raid and Guardians are capped at level 32. So, we’ll just be 33, get a damage buff and we’ll take 30% less damage. I mean, LOL, right? I know, I can't believe we’re getting away with this either. The level designers really don’t like Guardians.
Secondly, anyone who suggests we "just kill the Guardians legit" is getting insta-booted from fireteam and GT blocked. No exceptions. We're not doing it legit, this is purely payback for making the last month of my life hell in normal mode. Damn cheaters, sword flying across my bridge, going to orbit when I'm kneeling... We'll show them some cheese.
Anyway, I need the following players:
[b]lvl 33 Gatekeeper:[/b]
You're basically just here to troll the Guardians who used to go camp the middle room. At first I was going to just close the door when I first enter the fight, but I think this is way funnier. You are invulnerable to everything but a sword, so you can basically phone this one in. *edit* My neighbor's 5-year old daughter volunteered for this role, so I don't need anyone else atm. She just keeps pushing the RT button randomly, so I figure she's perfect for this role.
[b]lvl 33 Sword-bearer:[/b]
Your role here is crucial. The only way I can die is if the Guardians' timing is pretty much perfect. So your job is to TOTALLY F**K their timing. If Guardians are left, run right. If Guardians are right, run left. If they're in the center, just go hide or stay in the doorway or something. If you can buy me 20 seconds, then I can run to one side after their first sword attack & prevent a 2nd attack, and if we do that a couple times, it's almost mathematically impossible for us to lose. Also, on occasion, we’re going to not spawn you using a known glitch. I mean hey, they can’t kill me if you don’t spawn and die, right? LOL. There is one more glitch you can utilize, and that’s the vaporizing sword trick. Before you come out, grab the prop sword made of paper mache, and when it drops, it will just turn to dust. And then hilarity ensues!
[b]lvl 33 Hallowed Knights:[/b]
Listen carefully, I know you’re technically supposed to be restricted to your "boomer tower" only. Not anymore. There's a glitch that allows you to basically warp down onto the bridge. And since you're a 33, you can literally 2-shot the sword-carrier Guardian. Titan class Guardians will try to put their stupid bubbles around you in your tower so you can't shoot the sword-carrier. If that happens, try and cheese: glitch down onto the bridge and shoot the sword-carrier in the back. This one is real funny
[b]lvl 33 Thrall:[/b]
I don't typically speak to thrall. Whatever, join or don't, you guys are worthless. I mean seriously. I give you guys one simple task! Kill 6 Guardians who can't double-jump or sprint in a PITCH BLACK MAZE. Oh and by the way, you outlevel them and you outnumber them about 1,000:6. I swear I'd kick you all from the clan and we'd be no worse off. Obviously after the Abyss debacle, you can’t help me here. You idiots do more harm than good at the Guardian checkpoint; soaking up bullets from Red Death, giving health back to Guardians. Just hide or something! *sigh* Tell you what. If you’re a thrall, I want you to run into the crystal room while they’re standing on the outside ledge and bite the guardians through the closed windows. The windows are glitched so you can literally bite and claw them THROUGH the closed window. That’s the only possible way you can be useful. Just don't bring any ammo and try not to turn into an orb of light or a heavy ammo drop please.
[b]Lvl 33 Acolytes & Hallowed Knights:[/b]
You’ll stand outside of the crystal room as I’m spawning and shoot into the crystal room. Knights; please remember to glitch through the closed windows before they open. And everyone,[b] **make sure to empty your heavy ammo before the fight starts so you don’t drop any when you die.**[/b]
[b]Lvl 33 Ogres:[/b]
You are programmed to spawn after the 2nd and 4th sword disappears, but we can have a little fun with you guys. There is a glitch we can exploit that will spawn you after only the 1st sword, and then again after the 2nd. That’s always disorienting for Guardians. Not many other glitches for you guys, but hey, you’re a full level above the guardians, they can’t regen health, you’re Hive Majors, and YOUR FACE IS A FRIGGIN GATLING GUN.
Alright. Now even though the Guardians can’t regen health and you’re a FULL LEVEL above them, I don’t expect you to stop them from tearing through you and smacking me with our own swords.
Fortunately for all of us, you are talking to the cheese master. They say “the moon is made of cheese.” Well that’s because I live here.
[b]Take a look at my new hat![/b]
http://i.imgur.com/zG3Hz0D.jpg
So here’s what I’m gonna do. I have a whole plethora of cheeses & glitches that I'm going to take advantage of to kill some Guardians. I'll detail a few of them here so everyone knows how the Guardian fight is going to work.
[b]Server Timing glitches:[/b]
I’m going to basically mess with the timers on all my actions by using the standby function on my router. So normally a blade-dancer, if timed right, can get 4 sword smashes on me when my shield is down. Well I can press “standby” and my shield comes back in just two hits. Since it takes 18 hits to kill me, if they only get 2 hits per attack, its basically impossible for them to win. I can literally do this all night. Like literally, the Guardians will have to sign off and try again the next day. I can sustain this glitch for hours. Seriously this Rambo clown and his friends spent like 2 hours, two nights in a row getting cheesed by this glitch. I did the glitch the ENTIRE night! They literally gave up, TWICE! They came back the next day and tried instancing on European servers to avoid this cheese, lololololol!
Here’s a gif of Rambo trying to pwn me only to discover my shield is back in half the time, LOL!
http://i.imgur.com/0IEfXfW.gif
[b]Movement timer glitch:[/b]
As implied, I can also glitch my movement timer. This one is harder to pull off but I can still do this cheese every few attempts. Basically what’s going to happen is the Guardians are going to down the sword-bearer in like 10 seconds, which would normally give them time for 2 or even 3 sword attacks with that single sword, but I’m going to start running to the other side after the first sword attack. I run a 40 yard dash in like 1.5 seconds, so they can’t possibly get a 2nd sword attack in before it disappears.
[b]No-kneel glitch:[/b]
One of my most common cheese moves is via the “ignore-aggro/no kneel” glitch. Traditionally, I am bound by the rules of most bosses in terms of drawing aggro. Rockets hit me, I put my hand up to cover my eyes, then my shield comes off and I kneel to regroup. But I’m not retarded. I’ve done this a few times. I know what’s going on here. Those jerks on the ledge are trying to draw my aggro while the guy carrying the ONE WEAPON that can hurt me sneaks in behind me when my shield is down. Well I’ve discovered an loophole in the coding that allows me to not-kneel when my shield comes off and ignore the aggro that the rocket guys are trying to draw, then I’m free to unleash hell on the sword-carrier while I’m under heavy rocket fire.
Watch this Rambo guy get pwnd when he thinks I’m about to kneel. They saw my shield come off, they thought they timed it perfect, but all they got was a mouthful of cheese! LOL
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&x-yt-cl=84503534&v=PPY_eKbdBuc&x-yt-ts=1421914688
[b]Insta-kill glitches:[/b]
I’m also working on some new “insta-pwn” glitch moves. There are quite a few of them. I like to combine them with my fast-stand-up/instant-stomp glitch and wipe out the sword-carrier. I’ve also got a super-death-laser that can be glitched to 1-hit a sword carrier. Check this out:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OCnwXkF9GIg&x-yt-ts=1421914688&x-yt-cl=84503534&feature=player_detailpage
So basically that’s my plan. If somehow, somebody manages to circumvent my cheeses, the coding requires that I give them something. In which case I've had our seamstress knit up a few thousand glow-in-the-dark shaders so the Guardians will be easier to see in the dark, and probably easier to see in Crucible. That way they can kill each other off and save me the trouble. I've got a few ugly ships that no Hive want that I can throw their way too...
Here's the best part; most of these Guardians are hoping for something they call the "Crux of Crota." It's not a literal object. It's just a figure of speech; My glitches are the literal "crux of Crota." L-O-friggen-L!
Msg "Crota" on XBL if you want to help with the cheese
English
#Destiny
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NECRO
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Bump??
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Lvl 2 dreg Max butterknife Max throwing stones Experienced Lf 5 to run CE hard message gregthedreg on n64 plz
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You forgot to mention this cheese, you sly fox
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Level 30 supplicant hoping to squeeze in on a group. I know I may not live very long and this is my first time but I'm very good at destroying guardians. They never see me coming. GT is XxsuppliCANxX. My references include Atheon and Praetorians.
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I'm a level 32 guardian with open nat and a 105mbs upload and download speed hardwired to me wireless AC ROUTER, NONE OF YOUR TRICKS CAN WORK ON ME!!!
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you left out the oversoul glitch that bungie claims to have fixed. you know the one that kills your after you destroy it. bungie said it was no longer an issue which is true for normal mode but in hard mode its happening again.
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Lvl 33 ogre here. I am almost always late to spawn and have cleared 200 guardian fireteams. I have maxed forehead Lazer beam and another lvl 33 ogre friend looking to join. We are both experienced with all glitch methods.
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Looking For Guardians to cheese Guardians???
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lmao you forgot one thing that crota can do. he can glitch off the bridge and just start killiing the the sword carrier hiding in the corner lol
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Level 32 Thrall here. I'm the best player in Destiny. Why won't you let me join? 33s think they are the master race. My blue level claws rule in PvP. You are just Jelly of my skills. I can even kill invisible Guardians. You are a racist.
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I remember when this same kind of thing g was posted for atheon and they still haven't done anything to fix the glitches from that. It's because of this shit that I cheese to begin with.
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I am a level 33 Knight and my main weapon is a Sword. I cannot unequip it or use anything else. BUT... When I use the slam attack I have the power to send a powerful wave of Arc energy towards the direction I am looking. I can be useful for longer ranged takedowns and multiple takedowns with the sword. I also command the Hive on Earth :) PSN: Sardon, Fist of Crota
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lvl 33 baboon here, I can straight up kick guardians from the fight. no questions asked. If we're lucky I can get some of my animal friends to help out as well. gt: errorcodexxx
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Edited by Jorgelucasds: 1/27/2015 11:12:05 AMLook what you did to me: http://youtu.be/iTE1aaEUP_s Stop cheesing please.
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Funniest thing I've seen in a while. Had me rolling the whole read. Very creative. Thank Crota for that.
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Lvl 33 Oversoul here. I can force guardians to wipe even after they kill me.
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Hey Crota should they defeat you I can get you a deal with the rng system to where you only drop helmets tested it on this last mage guy worked 3 times lol
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This is brilliant. Nicely done!
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This was hilarious.
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Never laughed that hard while at work lol. Kudos
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Hey, I'm 33 exploding thrall, can I join?
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Hilarious !!! From the tone to your gt (seriously, Rambo IIII ?), this is a humouristic masterpiece.;-)
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Your post ended up on the weekly update thread 1/22/15