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12/24/2004 3:57:50 AM
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HoHoHo Santa is dead, I have Proof

I got this email a few days ago There is only one species of reindeer and it definitely can NOT fly! BUT there are perhaps several hunderd thousand species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and microorganisms, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen. There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Shinto, Buddhist, Muslim, Hindu, Jewish , Animist, and atheist children, not to mention the bah-humbug non-Santa believers. That reduces his workload to to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seemes logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children,...well good enough.., Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc. Whew! This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a pokey 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour. Now consider the huge load in the sleigh! Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (almost 1 kg or 2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, non-flying reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal anount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth. 353,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enourmous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake and releasing more energy then a thermonuclear weapon. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, reducing him to a quivering blob of red goo. In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now. Any takers for the job? [Edited on 12/23/2004 8:02:31 PM]
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  • I hate to break it to you, but santa never was real. He was just a fairytale made up by adults who wanted their kids to be good for once. He gained popularity and soon become a world wide symbol that has been franchised and cartoonized over and over again. In other words, he is rehashed cliche that never existed.

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  • .......................... There's no way in hell I would ever read that all.

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  • wow, can't argue with that kind of, um, research

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  • But no...no... it can't be... a mathematical reason for the demise of Claus. Damn you and your difficult, logical explanations for things that should be common sense. EDIT-And Santa IS alive, thanks to Coca Cola and other fine sponsors, who, well, make a fine buck off of pimping Santa to gift starved children. [Edited on 12/23/2004 8:04:00 PM]

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  • I despise math and logic. The only thing I like is truth that you don't have to work for.

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  • but your forgetting something, santa has magic powers beyond your comprehension, he can freeze time, go lighting fast, and in his sack is a magic portal to his storage room. and if there is only 1 species of reindeer, explain rudolf, theres a whole other species out there we havnt found yet (and he just might have a GE/GM lab up there in the north pole) fye upon your scientific diagnostics!! a pox upon thee non-beleiver and someones gettin a big 'ol lump of coal

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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Halifax I despise math and logic. The only thing I like is truth that you don't have to work for.[/quote] you need math and logics to find out truth.

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  • Wow. You sure do have a lot of time on your hands. Now, *in a whisper* "shut up and fall back into line. If the feds hear about this they'll come for you. They can trace the ip address to your house. Delete your your post if you value your life" *back in a normal tone* You should just lets those who don't know about this still believe that it is posible. It's fun to believe.

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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] gamingfreak200 [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Halifax I despise math and logic. The only thing I like is truth that you don't have to work for.[/quote] you need math and logics to find out truth.[/quote] ok, scratch the logic part. But you definitley don't need math. That is just something to make you calculate things easier and figure out all the stupid little problems in life. Which is why I hate it, no matter how much I need it.

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  • Gee. Thanks for ruining Christmas. You deserve a high-five in the face. [Edited on 12/23/2004 8:09:35 PM]

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  • Well guess what, your wrong. The reindeer where sprinkled with pixey dust(or something like that) which enabled them to fly and increased their speed and strangth 10x. Then Santa has this thing which lets him stop time, making his trips faster and so that no one sees him. Oh yah, and his thing also lets him shrink and un-shrink the presents. You also really need to change the title of this thread. You should say that you have proof that he doesn't exist, not that he's dead. Silly, everyone know that he's imortal. [Edited on 12/23/2004 8:18:41 PM]

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  • DUDE! I heard this like a year ago he said it was a joke seriously!

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  • You honestly needed that much proof to realize that Santa isn't real? ..............................And you're [i] how [/i] old?

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  • My brothers watching he's away but hes ten still believes in Santa. He is smart and understands this and read it while i read it. Creepy i know

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  • ive read that before. its pretty funny.

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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] flamechu .......................... There's no way in hell I would ever read that all.[/quote]ditto

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  • its not that long i read the whole thing in 4 mins [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] South Boy101 [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] flamechu .......................... There's no way in hell I would ever read that all.[/quote]ditto[/quote]

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  • [b]ROTFL![/b] Bravo... Bravo! This is the funniest logical explanation of Santa's existance I've heard yet. Thank you. (The last paragraph was just... Funny) [i]regards: sjwilson@zinnianet.net[/i]

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  • He said he got it in an email, people. Halifax, I believe he was kidding in the first place, and was instead just posting some funny random facts in the holiday spirit. I also like the image of exploding reindeer. If you were kidding also then I'm an idiot. [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] ðcherryð but your forgetting something, santa has magic powers beyond your comprehension, he can freeze time, go lighting fast, and in his sack is a magic portal to his storage room. and if there is only 1 species of reindeer, explain rudolf, theres a whole other species out there we havnt found yet (and he just might have a GE/GM lab up there in the north pole) fye upon your scientific diagnostics!! a pox upon thee non-beleiver and someones gettin a big 'ol lump of coal[/quote] Yay, coal! I can heat my box! *lights coal* *box burns down* Oops... [Edited on 12/24/2004 1:10:38 AM]

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  • That was extreamly entertaining to read.

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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] NewbOnFire I got this email a few days ago There is only one species of reindeer and it definitely can NOT fly! BUT there are perhaps several hunderd thousand species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and microorganisms, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen. There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Shinto, Buddhist, Muslim, Hindu, Jewish , Animist, and atheist children, not to mention the bah-humbug non-Santa believers. That reduces his workload to to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seemes logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children,...well good enough.., Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc. Whew! This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a pokey 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour. Now consider the huge load in the sleigh! Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (almost 1 kg or 2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, non-flying reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal anount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth. 353,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enourmous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake and releasing more energy then a thermonuclear weapon. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, reducing him to a quivering blob of red goo. In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now. Any takers for the job? [/quote] You just copied everything the comunist robot said in that flash on Newgrounds. Don't say you didn't because you did. Unless you didn't.

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  • the only thing i can say is that u have way to much time on your hands

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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] NewbOnFire I got this email a few days ago There is only one species of reindeer and it definitely can NOT fly! BUT there are perhaps several hunderd thousand species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and microorganisms, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen. There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Shinto, Buddhist, Muslim, Hindu, Jewish , Animist, and atheist children, not to mention the bah-humbug non-Santa believers. That reduces his workload to to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seemes logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children,...well good enough.., Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc. Whew! This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a pokey 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour. Now consider the huge load in the sleigh! Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (almost 1 kg or 2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, non-flying reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal anount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth. 353,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enourmous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake and releasing more energy then a thermonuclear weapon. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, reducing him to a quivering blob of red goo. In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now. Any takers for the job? [/quote] Get... some... friends... *dies*

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  • lol i love this. its great and quite funny as hell. its some nice logic to tell little kids that santa isnt real at all and and ruin there christmas but of course im not that mean so it all works. ^_^

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  • aren't there differen't names for Santa for different religions' end-of-year celebrations?

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  • "Santa is dead." --Nietzsche at age seven

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