Haha! Goddamn, it is good to be back in action! Anyways, alot of people have been asking if I could put all of my B-NET story thread in one master thread. Well, here it is. Every single story in it's entirety, nothing edited, everything's here. Starting with the one that started it all: [quote] All right guys and girls. I thought I would spruce up the forum with a spoof on the classic 30's radio show Dragnet. For those of you who don't have grandparents, here's the lowdown: An NYPD detective by the name of Friday would always end up investigating some crime. You basic average 30's detective show. Mafia, dames, cadets getting shot. The works. My spoof is just like that. Except it all takes place in the forum. I'm the lead, of course. And some other well known members are in it too. They just don't know it yet..... So, without further adu, here's B-NET: The story you are about to hear is fake. The names of the participants have not been changed. These are the stories of the B.NET forum : [b] [color=yellow] B-NET [/b] [/color] It was raining that night. A hard rain. But the lawn needed it. I decided to pay a visit to the forums, seeing as how I had nothing else to do. The clock said 11:00. I guessed 12:30. My profile said I had one new message. I recognized the name on the header. Atsumi. She was a well known member. Her letter had the usual characteristics. Puppy dog eye text. Sloppy spelling. It was obvious she was troubled. The letter read like this: " Last night, my signifigant other, markhamx2, was brutally spammed. Spammed so bad he's afraid to log back on. Is there anything you and your associates can do to help find the culprit?" I PM'd her back with the usual response: No promises, but we'll try. I contacted my informer, Obbiquiet and asked for any leads on raid spam attacks. He told me nothing solid, but i got a name: [b] Davester [/b]. Turns out he had a record. Seventeen locked accounts. Multiple spam attacks. A thorn in society's side. The mods had been after him for months. But he kept coming back. Like the hallucinations you get from too much alcohol. They put up a reward I couldn't refuse: free swag from the store. I called my partner, flamechu. We had a job to do. And it was only 1:00 a.m. An APB came over the boards; code 24. Attempted spam attack in New Mombasa. New Mombasa. The roughest forum on the site. Nothing but whiners, spam and the occasional flame war. The thread we were called to was typical. "Halo 2 suxxors" it proclaimed. It's the kind of stuff that makes your eyes burn. We finally cornered the spammer. His name was Charizard. And I was gonna make him squeal. " Where's Davester?", I demanded. " I don't know nothin!" was his scared reply. " I don't believe ya. Maybe you need a little motovation." I began to insult his mom. " Okay, okay! You got me coppa! He's in the Library!" " Good i'll make sure the mods shorten yor bannage from forever to 50 years." We headed to the library. But his time we had backup. Some cadet just out of registration. Name of Greenchief. Little flame-happy, but a good kid with a bright future. The three of us entered the thread. " Davester!" I posted. " We know your here! I gotta warrant for your involvement in the spamming of markhamx2!" No reply. We waited an hour. Finally, like the hangover after the party, he reared his ugly head. " i like pie." was his response. flamechu decided to take matters into his own hands. Some nice insults. But nothing to bring this mobster down. " Your mom was nice last night!" was davester's reply. Greenchief got mad. He shouted " oh yeah, well........ you suck!" The kid was in trouble. He was all out of ammo and the spammer was reloading. " I did yur dog!" came dave's fatal flame. The cadet just groaned and logged off. I thought we were toast. The kid was gone and flamechu and i were out of flames. Out of nowhere. backup arrived in the form of Shishka. One click. One less spammer. " Thanks, chief. Now I owe ya one." I don't like owing people, but he just helped me score free swag. markhamx2 and Atsumi coudln't have been happier. flamechu was enjoying his new halo book and I was staring at my new poster. " Thx guys." was all markham's message said. " Just part of the job man. My name is MCs Bro. I'm a detective." DUm da dum dum dum da dum dum dum THE END (my hands are sore) [/quote] [b] B-NET: Heresy Part 1 [/b] [quote] Alright folks. The sequel’s done. I got some positive feedback last time and some requests to be guest stars. This may not be as good as the original, but it's kind of hard to keep the story within the forums without turning it into a real cop story. But I digress. Here it is. Enjoy. EDIT: The part in red was written by un gato, the new co-author of B-NET. The story you are about to hear is fake. The names of the participants have not been changed. These are the stories of the B.NET forum : [b] B-NET [/b] As I approached the forum's open link I noticed Ruze passed out beside the Webmaster, with two imaginary half-empty whiskey bottles by their side. The air of familiarity was helpful; I didn't like this forum. It was ,of course, New Mombasa. The force had sent me there to scout out new talent. My old partner, flamechu had left. I didn't blame him. He had an Alienware to take care of. I began my search. I started scouring the mindless threads for someone with at least a shred of intellingence. It was hard. Like finding a needle on the bottom of the ocean. But I had contacts. Back in my early days, I was a New Mombasian. Outspoken. Flame-happy. Couldn't spell. But a wise member took me under his wing. Did me a favor. Showed me the ropes to posting. He was Eagle 117. And I was back to return the favor. I finally found him in one of his well researched theory threads. "Eagle", I posted. "Yeah?" "I need your help." "Why?" "HQ sent me. They're tracking down one of their own. Shishka's gone mad. " After rounding up Chaplain, Eagle, and VII Toast, I gave them the lowdown. "Well, it appears as if Shishka's finally cracked. The spammers drove him off the deep end. Got a PM from Frankie. Shish hasn't come to work in 4 days. He's operating from his home PC. Abusing his mod powers. Spamming. Flaming. He's bad cop now and we have to set him straight or take him down. It won't be easy. Flame, and he ninjafies you. Say the wrong thing, you're gone. It's risky. You guys up to it?" "Yeah." was the unanimous reply. I found my old buddy Twitch666 messing around in the Flood. Good kid, but his jokes were older than Maka's mom. I asked him where we could find ol' Shishka. He told me to contact frag u. frag u told me to cantact Celenon. Celenon wouldn't say anything. Seems Shish was scaring everyone. All afraid of being banned. But I wasn't scared. Neither were my deputies. We had a job to do. And it had to be done now..... [color=red] We knew that we had to tread lightly; one word to Shishka and we could be gone. We also knew that we couldn’t approach him directly; his new minions from New Mombasa would overwhelm us. We needed help, but we didn’t need to look for it. It found us. Suddenly, there was a PM at my door. I walked over to it, unsure of who it could be; when I opened it, no one was around. Something caught my eye. There was a small envelope on the ground. I picked it up and looked it over; there was nothing on it to tell who it came from. I slit opened the top and pulled out the message inside, which simply said “Meet me in The Library at 4:00 tomorrow. I have a proposition for you.” I was stumped; who would have sent this? It could be a trap, so I called Obbiquiet over to have a look at it. He was used to bandying words, and should know what to make of this. When he arrived, I handed him the note. He read it, turned it over, and help it up to a light, finally handing it back. “I don’t think the sender means harm; were it Shiska, he would have banned you already. Still, you should be cautious; you don’t me to have to mock you for doing something stupid.” “I know what I’m doing, Obbi. I’ve been here as long as you.” With a slightly skeptical look, Obbi walked out the door. I called in VII Toast, Casey, and Tanikaze. I was going to be there, but I wasn’t going alone. I arrived and hour early, and had my the others hide in the stickies; few ever read them, so they were likely to be unnoticed. And then I began to wait. Then at precisely 4:00, a figure rounded the corner where Ruze was passed out and began approaching me. He was in shadow, so I couldn’t see his face. As he came within earshot, he laughed. “Call your deputies of those stickies.” “Recon?” “Yep, it’s me. Did my bald head tip you off?” “Partly. But it was mostly that you actually read the stickies and found the others; you always thorough back when you were still around. How’s retirement suiting you?” “Fairly well. I’ve been helping out the youngsters around here; I couldn’t stand not having anything to do.” “Let’s cut to the chase. Why did you call me here?” “As my note said, I have a proposition. I can help you get to Shishka.” [/color] TO BE CONTINUED... [/quote]