Shout out to Microsoft customer support for this one.
1-855-731-4930
Be prepared to not understand a word the guy says, and for him to blame everything on your connection. Don't take that from him. Keep going up the chain until someone actually does something for a change.
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Full disclosure, I've had this number for a few days now, but I stopped caring about the possibility of a ban after a week of #Vulture errors.