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3/19/2008 3:26:01 AM
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Purpose of this Thread

Everybody gather. I have been waiting a long time to do this. Now, I hope you all can bear with me as I explain the purpose of this thread. You see, a long time ago, I found myself standing in a very large building. This very large building happened to house a can of peas. Upon viewing this can of peas that sat alone in a very large building, I decided to take it upon myself to eat these peas. But now I, standing in a very large building and looking at this lonely can of peas, found myself facing a conundrum. I had no can-opener! Well, to make a long story short, I walked through the very large building and picked up the lonely can of peas and took them outside. I inquired of a strange old woman if she knew where I might find a can-opener. The strange old woman opened her eyes (for she had been walking with her eyes closed) and looked at me. I saw within the strange old woman's eyes something that had been troubling me for a very long time. To make a long story short, what I saw in the strange old woman's eyes was the very dog who had chewed up my first baseball mitt. This very dog that chewed up my first baseball mitt had haunted my dreams for years, a phrase which, here means "troubled me greatly". I had spent those years, of which my dreams had been haunted by this very dog that chewed up my first baseball mitt, searching for the answer to why this very dog that I now saw in the strange old woman's eyes would chew up my first baseball mitt. Anyway, to make a long story short, I saw the answer to my vexing question within this strange old woman's eyes. You see, the very dog that chewed up my first baseball mitt--the act of which having haunted my dreams for years--was only seen in one of the strange old woman's eyes. In the other was the answer to my question that had been vexing me ever since the very dog that chewed up my first baseball had begun haunting my dreams. To make a long story short, the answer was written on a scroll that had been implanted in the strange old woman's cornea. I couldn't read the scroll, for it was very tiny, so I asked the strange old woman if I might borrow her eye. The strange old woman's reply to this rather blunt question was just as strange as the old woman. To make a long story short, she said yes, but only if I carried the eye in a can of peas. I asked her why it needed to be carried in a can of peas, for a can of peas is not usually the thing one would use to carry an eye, plucked from the socket of a strange old woman. The strange old woman's reply to my rather obvious question was quite the opposite of obvious, and near synonymous with the word strange. To make a long story short, the strange old woman told me that her eye--the very eye which carried the scroll (the scroll carrying the answer to my vexing question as to why the dog, the very dog which haunted my dreams, would chew my first baseball mitt)--must be carried in a can of peas because it was the only substance strong enough to hold the scroll. If I were to carry the eye, which carried the scroll, in anything but a can of peas, the message--and answer to my question about the very dog that chewed my first baseball mitt--would be lost forever. Well, to make a long story short, I told the strange old woman that I had a can of peas, but I had no can-opener with which to open my can of peas. The strange old woman looked at the can of peas in my hands--the very can of peas that I had taken from the very large building in which this can of peas had first sat--and told me that I must find a can-opener as soon as possible. [i][b]I'm sorry, but it appears that it is taking longer than I had first expected to explain the purpose of this thread. I will continue from here in a different post (a different post, yet posted in this very thread) and I will attempt to make the point of this thread clear to all who have had a strong desire to find said point. Please be patient, I'll try and make this very long story as short as possible.[/i][/b]
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  • Finish The Story NOW!!

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  • Give it your all, Halifax!

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  • My most sincere apologies for the unusually long delay in posting. I was planning on returning to my house and using the computer there, but as it turns out, Ellen and Frederick have taken up residence in the house and are now hosting a week long party in honor of the Blue-coated Zebra. I fear that they may have lied about their intention to protect the Zebra, just as they lied about their affection for me. I have been watching them for the past day, wondering what they have done with the Blue-coated Zebra (for it is no longer in the place where we had moved it to protect it from poachers). Unfortunately, all I've been able to see from the view of the large tree in which i now sit with my recently purchased laptop is several guests having a wonderful time playing Twister. [i]My[/i] Twister. I will have to infiltrate the house soon, but before I do, I think it's prudent that I tell you the rest of the story in what could be my last entry. You may recall that I was struck by sleeping gas that was hidden inside the puzzle box. As such, the only memory I have after that is waking up in a very familiar room. Once again I found myself lying on the floor and staring up at a vaulted ceiling, the morning light flickering through the single window on the wall. However, unlike my previous time in this room, Major Tom was nowhere to be seen. I could only guess that he had gotten word to his wife of his safe return and was now in a happy reunion with her. But that was not my main concern. I began exploring the room more fully, for I had not had a chance to do this last time. I approached the lone desk in the corner of the room where Major Tom had been sitting the fist time I was here. To my surprise there were more porcelain dolls on the table than before. I picked one up and examined it closely. I examined this doll the way one might examine the timer on top of a nuclear bomb. My close examination yielded the most amazing thing I had seen all night. Even more amazing than the strange old blind woman's nightmare inducing smile. To make a long story short, I found that the porcelain doll could be pulled apart revealing the hollow insides of said doll. However, the hollow insides of the porcelain doll contained something that truly was astounding to me. Never had I seen such an amazing spectacle as what I was viewing at that moment. The sheer weight of what I was looking at seemed to bring me to my knees. Pulling apart several other porcelain dolls only further stunned me for they all contained the same thing. [i][b]The guests are leaving the house now. Now is my chance. I apologize for the sudden stop, and I hope that I will be able to return to finish my very important story. However, as important as this story may be, I owe my life to the Blue-coated Zebra and I must do everything in my power to save it.[/i][/b]

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  • well it has taken me 12 mintes but here it is... 15 pages in Microsft Office 10,915 words characters (no spaces) 46,759 characters (with spaces) 57,722 lines 744 what an incredible display of random writing ###EDIT### copy and paste in Microsoft Office Word [Edited on 03.30.2008 12:32 PM PDT]

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  • give me ten minutes and a word count will be posted

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  • hes trying to get a free can opener?

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  • Tell me the purpose of this thread or ima gonna takez all your rubber ducks!!!

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  • ou know I hate you now hali-blam!-. Get to the point

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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] stimulatedmonke I must have missed something... has the purpose already been stated?[/quote] no

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  • I must have missed something... has the purpose already been stated?

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  • This should be converted into a book. "The Purpose of this Book" I can tell it'll be a bestseller!

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  • I'll bet you that the purpose of this thread is "Can I have a can of peas?"or something like that. It'll be something stupid.

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  • Yeah, 1 of his posts must be over a page of a small paper-back? Dude, we get some of the proffit made on your books, our idea for you to make it into a book.

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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] served3 12 pages? Well, A Microsoft Word Page is larger than an average book page, so... if he were to do that in book, he might have done 15 or so pages so far.[/quote] He should make it a small paperback, so he gets like 20 pages so far.

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  • Too much text.... ugh......

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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] served3 - stabs Halifax with soccer ball -[/quote] oh noes not the soccer ball!

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  • 12 pages? Well, A Microsoft Word Page is larger than an average book page, so... if he were to do that in book, he might have done 15 or so pages so far.

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  • He is very casual with it. Only when he feels like it. He might even hand it in at school and get an A in English for being creative.

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  • - stabs Halifax with soccer ball -

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  • When is Halifax going to release the next part of the story?

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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] served3 Anyone want to do a word count of how many words in the story so far? This is Epic.[/quote] I already have. I'll put it in in my edited post. EDIT: 9178. 12 Pages. It's my bible. And my nightly bedtime story. [Edited on 03.30.2008 8:41 AM PDT]

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  • Anyone want to do a word count of how many words in the story so far? This is Epic.

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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Blade967 [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] NINJAHAPPY Shhh! Not so loud! My dog is sleeping![/quote] oh sorry...[/quote]Lol. She woke up, and now I'm reading over my intensely large Wrod Document that has the entire story in it.

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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] NINJAHAPPY Shhh! Not so loud! My dog is sleeping![/quote] oh sorry...

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  • Shhh! Not so loud! My dog is sleeping!

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  • [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] NINJAHAPPY Lol. I saw Halifax posting somewhere else, and I'm like Halifax! Purpose! Now! Don't waste your time here! And he's like Why, I seem I don't know what you're talking about.[/quote] I saw that lol!

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