So.
It turns out people like this, and want to see even more of it. I'd be a horrible person if I denied them this. So alas, here is part 2. If you haven't seen part one, are you living under a rock? What's that? You aren't? You live in a house? Oh. Well. Here's a link then. Whttp://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/68493671/0/0/1
Part two directly follows on from part one. There is no gap at all, keep that in mind.
Mark - I am this close to shooting you right now.
Bob - Not my fault you can't please your wife.
Mark - And you could? It'd be like poking a toothpick into a tunnel with your little guy.
Bob - Don't you dare go there. You know how big it is. You've seen it.
Mark - You sure that wasn't just a straw handing from your pants?
Jeff - Before us, floats a giant ball which just brought rain to Mars, and you two are talking about dicks.
Mark - Point taken.
Bob - Fair Point.
Mark - So... What? I guess step two is to try and get inside of it. Hopefully there's a door or something.
Bob - And a ladder. It is floating y'know.
Mark - Really Bob? I couldn't tell. I just thought it was sitting on top of an invisible mountain. You've sure as hell proved your intellect today.
Bob - I still would've brought more than one gun.
Mark - I swear to god I will sho- What's that in your backpack?
Bob - What's what?
Mark - That.
Bob - What's that?
Mark - That.
Bob - I don't know what 'That' is you Knob Donkey. That's why I'm asking.
Mark - Maybe open it and find out Smartarse.
Bob - Oh.
*Opens Backpack*
Mark - You are f**king kidding me.
Bob - That makes sense I suppose.
Mark - You had a gun the entire time.
Bob - Yeah. I guess I did.
Mark - You were moaning like a dog on heat and you were carrying it around the entire time. I hope it fires backwards and kills you. I honestly do.
Bob - No bullets though.
Jeff - You brought an empty gun?
Mark - Great. Just wonderful.
Bob - Gimme some of yours then.
Mark - Sure. I'll just fire them at you.
Bob - Gimme some bullets.
Mark - No. They're mine.
Bob - Mark I'll bash your f**king head in. I swear on Jeff's mum.
Jeff - Don't bring my mum into this.
Bob - Your mums so fat she's already in everything.
Mark - If we freeze some of this water we can heal your burn.
Bob - Just gimme one magazine.
Mark - Fine.
Jeff - Maybe there's a gun in my backpack. Lets check. Oh. No, no gun. All I've got is a rock.
Mark - So, you thought "I wonder what weapon will assist me on Mars, a planet with nothing but rocks. AH-HA. A ROCK."
Jeff - This rock is a proper rock though. None of this Mars stuff.
Mark - I don't even want to know what you mean by that. Every time you speak my brain cells starting dying off. Lets just walk towards it.
Bob - Probably best. We need to get inside it and probe it anyway.
Traveller - Hello there Humans.
Bob - THERES VOICES IN MY HEAD.
Jeff - Where else would you hear voices? In your legs?
Bob - In-between Mark's wife's legs.
Mark - I'd kill you right now if I wasn't busy figuring out who's speaking to us.
Traveller - It is I, the Traveller. I am here to help humanity in your greatest endeavours.
Mark - Are you inside the giant white ball?
Traveller - I am, what you were calling, the 'Giant white ball'
Bob - Are you hostile or anything?
Jeff - Nice integration work Bob.
Traveller - No, I am not.
Mark - Where did you come from?
Traveller - It doesn't matter.
Mark - Kinda does.
Traveller - It doesn't. I wasn't chased across time and space by the greatest threat ever.
Bob - We never said you were.
Traveller - I can show you the world.
Jeff - So you're like Google Earth?
Traveller - No. I have been studying humans for two cycles now, and I think its time to finally reveal myself.
Bob - On Mars? You couldn't just come to Earth?
Traveller - I thought by making Mars habitable, I could show you my true power and what I can do for Mankind.
Mark - Africa needs rain. Couldn't you just have done this on Earth? Or the Moon?
Traveller - Do you want my help or not?
Jeff - I suppose so. We can't really afford to build on any planets though.
Traveller - I can give you anything you need to send mankind forward into the future.
Jeff - Can I have a gun?
Mark - Why do you want a gun?
Jeff - To defend myself.
Bob - The giant ball just said its friendly.
Jeff - What about Mars Aliens?
Mark - There are no aliens on mars.
Bob - I suppose the White Ball is just a kind of dog then.
Mark - It won't try and kill us.
Jeff - How to you know? It could be the worlds most despicable white ball ever.
Traveller - Oi. I'm still here.
Jeff - Oh. Yeah. Sorry. Can I have a gun though?
Traveller - I can't just give you a gun.
Bob - But you can make it rain on Mars? Odd powers.
Traveller - My powers are limited to terraforming and guidance.
Mark - 'Limited'? Its not like your only power is warming up soup. You've got some pretty cool powers.
Traveller - Thank you.
Jeff - Can you give me the things needed to make a gun?
Traveller - Why would I give you a gun? If I'm the only threat here, why would I give you a gun?
Jeff - These two have guns.
Traveller - Those are guns?
Bob - Yeah.
Traveller - Pretty pathetic.
Mark - We had limited budget.
Traveller - I'll give mankind the knowledge to build better guns.
Mark - Thanks?
Bob - Why are you helping us anyway? Are you a Canadian Alien?
Jeff - That rhymes.
Bob - Yeah. If you're deaf.
Traveller - Helping races is what I do. I strive to better other species.
Mark - How can we trust you? You could be trying to wipe us all out.
Traveller - You'll have to trust me.
Bob - Mankind can't trust itself to do anything. We can't say two words without something going horribly wrong.
Traveller - I shall bring peace to Mankind.
Jeff - You'll end the console war?
Bob - That might work Jeff. All those Communists will definitely stop trying to take over once we decide which console is best. Good work.
Mark - Shut up Bob. He's got a point though Jeff, there's bigger threats and wars going on.
Jeff - Could you tell us if Star Wars episode 7 will suck?
Mark - Really? That's what needs solving?
Traveller - I don't know what these Star Wars are.
Bob - Course he doesn't Jeff. Pick something more simple.
Jeff - Can you kill all the terrorists?
Traveller - You don't get peace by killing loads of people. That's the opposite of peace. That's going in the complete opposite direction.
Jeff - Oh. Yeah.
Traveller - You're judging peace on your viewpoint. Peace means every human must understand one another and all be wor-
Mark - Can you tell this to the rest of Mankind? The OP doesn't want to upset everyone by giving opinions. Someone tried it once and we haven't heard from him in 7 years.
Traveller - Oh. Yeah. Forgot about that. I will now go to Earth, and spread peace.
Bob - So you're like, Ball Jesus?
Mark - For God sake Bob, you can't just ask people, sorry, Balls if they're Jesus.
Traveller - I shall now go, thank you for giving me a glimpse of what Mankind truly is.
Mark - WAIT WAIT WAIT TAKE US WIiithh... He's gone.
Bob - Bit of a dick move. Leaving us here.
Jeff - He didn't even give me a gun. Knob.
Mark - So that was first contact.
Bob - Yeah.
Jeff - Guess so.
Mark - I dunno. I just though Will Smith or someone would've done it. Maybe a child. Not us.
Bob - Yeah. Wonder if it'll destroy us all.
Jeff - Probably not. A Canadian wouldn't do anything of the sort.
Mark - You sure? Pretty sure one or two have a couple screws loose.
Bob - We'll be fine. What's the worst that could happen?
Mark - It could destroy Earth. We just said this.
Bob - I thought the story would've cut there. Let the OP use it as a cliffhanger.
Jeff - Why? We all know what happens. Ball does this and that. Turns out all the Aliens hate it cause its white or something. Cue Destiny. I thought you played the Beta?
Bob - Yeah but the readers might not've known.
Mark - They do now.
Jeff - Sorry.
Mark - Don't worry about it. We better start heading back though.
Bob - Where'd we park?
Mark - Er. That way.
Jeff - I thought it was that way?
Bob - F**k.
Mark - Goddammit. We're lost on Mars.
Jeff - Suppose we just sit here and wait for the giant white ball to return.
Mark - Least it gives us time to think of some more comedy material.
Bob - Like yo mom jokes?
Mark - We're above that.
Bob - Yo momma so short, she ain't above anything.
Mark - F**k off.
Did you enjoy that? Good. It isn't as good as the first, mainly because a second part wasn't meant to exist. I used all the good jokes in the first part. Plus if this part wasn't made soon people would've lost interest. But, its still not a bad piece. It should give you a mild chuckle at least. Otherwise you obviously have no soul.
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